I’ve had enough of the sexually-charged 1-10 ratings scale, as well as the phrase “Cloud 9″, and I’ll tell you why. Neither one is able to correctly convey accurate descriptions on the sexy vixen you’re staring at or the degree of happiness you’re feeling.

 If we’re going to continue to hand down scathing judgements of superficial appearance from our faultless thrones, we need to embrace it totally. There’s no reason to half-ass an exercise that is already demeaning. Now, the “5″ falls right in the middle of the rating scale, constituting an average, nondescript individual. And of course, no one has ever seen a “10″, because who can honestly say they’ve seen perfection. We are animals that thrive on hope, and naming a ten would be like saying there is no greener grass over yonder. So this shitty scale is actually 6-9. Four numbers to rate people with? No! I say, why are we reserving valuable numbers for people sitting on the 0-5 levels? WHY are we even wasting our time to rate these people? They’re obviously bottom of the heap scum, whether by their unseemly appearance or the rater’s inflated cranium.

 So now, the average, boring person will fall between 0 and 2. Keep in mind, if they are worth even rating, then that’s a compliment. A 2 should be grateful for the opportunity to even get a number.

 The same holds true for “Cloud 9″. This phrase is overused and should be considered inadmissible for situations like getting a job. How can working put someone on the highest absolute level of happiness? Endorphins aren’t absolutes. If I remember psychology correctly, they are released in varying amounts, depending on what the situation merits. So where the fuck did clouds 1-8 go? Sitting on a cloud at all would make me pretty damn happy. Think about it.