The furor against the “Church” of Scientology is radiating all throughout the interwebz in the wake of Tom Cruise’s frighteningly bizarre KSW video (And he’d been doing so well since the “Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, MATT! AAAAAARGGGGGHHH” fiasco!) and the church’s subsequent attempts to have the video removed from Youtube and Gawker. By now (and thousands of Diggs later), we’ve all heard the news about the hacker coalition Anonymous having declared war on Scientology. Despite Anonymous’ dubious morality, there can be no doubt that continuous blackfaxing is effin’ hilarious. It’s Phase I of Operation El-Ron Takedown; slowly but surely, them Scientologists will be feelin’ the inflated prices of printer ink. Also, the SECRET DOX are entertaining in the sense of 1) suspension of disbelief and 2) you’re legitimately filled with terror when you read them. Like The Grudge 2 or The Hills Have Eyes 2, only way less realistic.

In all seriousness, however, I’m not joking when I say that Scientology really freaks me out. The gray (or downright EVIL) aspects of the organization like the horrifying Lisa McPherson and Elli and Jeremy Perkins stories have been well documented. The seemingly disingenuous and ludicrous origins of some of Scientology’s less popular beliefs (the intergalactic warlord alien Xenu, the died-by-volcano Thetans, and so on and so forth) are fairly well-ridiculed and about on par with Pastafarianism. Thanks to Tom, we are all quite well aware of Scientologists’ complete condescension for and persecution of psychiatry. They call the subject a pseudoscience. I haven’t researched and studied the history of psychiatry, though, so I’ll leave that one alone for now.

Let’s go straight to the big issue.

Scientology: Cult or Religion?

See, here’s the thing. Scientology claims to offer help to people who need help. They tell you they’re gonna help you feel good and understand yourself good and remember stuff good, too.

Religions say that also. Christian sects and denominations, by and large, try to help people. We’re not talking about the Crusades and the Westboro Baptist Churches of the world. We’re talking your everyday community church–the one that sends youth groups to soup kitchens and New Orleans and raises money for starving children in Africa with the 30-Hour Famine Project. This isn’t just the case for Christianity, either. The Bible teaches both Christians and Jews to live moral lives and to treat others as they would be treated. In Buddhism, the end goal is nirvana, for pity’s sake. I’d talk about Islam, too, but I’m not informed enough.

If someone is interested in Christianity, in Mormonism, in Judaism, or even Jehovah’s Witnesses (that’s a whole ‘nother post), what’s the first thing a representative gives you?

Their literature. Whether it be the Bible, the Book of Mormon, the Qu’ran, or whatever else, they want to inform you about their beliefs. Not only that, but they are willing and happy to listen and talk to you for free. And if you do join a church/mosque/temple, talking to and getting advice from your pastor or priest or imam or rabbi is free. In Christianity, churches want to connect you to your families. They urge you to forge relationships and to treat others–including non-Christians–with respect and kindness. In Scientology? “Auditing” comes for a price. El-Ron’s books and “sacred” documents and lectures come for a price. If your family members aren’t fellow believers, you’re urged to disconnect yourself from these so-called Suppressive Persons (“SP”).

The fact is, it doesn’t cost you anything to be a Christian, a Jew, a Muslim, or whatever. Yeah, there are tithes, but those are certainly optional–they’re not required to elevate you to a higher “Thetan” status. In the world’s major religions, teachings are offered freely. Not so in Scientology.

So, cult or religion? I’ve got to come down on the side of Cult. Scientology is a group which encourages isolation away from non-Scientologists and attaches a hefty price tag to the “enlightenment” and “self-improvement” that they promise. Basically, I’m not a fan.

True Life: I’m an SP, and proud of it.

P.S.: While I was writing this, my roommate told me, “K., I am a Scientologist.”

Hah. Had you for a minute. No, but seriously.

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