After sound rebukes from those who commented on my previous article (Twilight Sucks… And Not In A Good Way), like ‘Sydnie’ and ‘Kalo’, who wrote, “All of your opinions are completely FALSE!” and “YOU JUST THINK TOO MUCH JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE !” respectively, I decided to listen to those like ‘Melissa’ who demanded that I “write a bookseries[sic] that is that popular and, in [their] opinion, genious[sic]” before earning the privilege to criticize Stephenie Meyer’s dismal oeuvre.
You know what? They’re right. What right do I have to dislike a published novel? How dare I exercise my 1st Amendment rights and express my opinion about the Twilight series without also having sold 1.3 million books in a single day?
And what about all of those who agree with me? They aren’t allowed to dislike the books either if their own work hasn’t yet spawned “millions” of fan-sites.
I decided that it was only right for me (as the author of the original article) to try and help out all those people who would love to engage in literary criticism but don’t yet have that right to freedom of thought. So, here it is:
How to Write a Bestseller Just Like Twilight:
1. Abuse the thesaurus (correct word usage optional; purple prose is a must). If you want to ‘spice up’ your writing so that it sounds just like Meyer’s, a handy thesaurus is key. Then you too can write glorious and dazzling (and dazzlingly glorious) passages like the following:
He lay perfectly still in the grass, his shirt open over his sculpted, incandescent chest, his scintillating arms bare. His glistening, pale lavender lids were shut, though of course he didn’t sleep. A perfect statue, carved in some unknown stone, smooth like marble, glittering like crystal.
If you do not have at least three modifiers* for every noun, you’re doing it wrong. Some authors like George Orwell (1984, Animal Farm) have rules like “Never use a long word where a short one will do” and “If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out”, but since Stephenie Meyer is apparently the golden standard for writing young adult literature these days, it’s probably best to ignore Orwell and follow her example instead.
* Bonus points if you use the same modifier multiple times in close proximity of one another. Good examples of words to use this way include “chagrin”, “murmured”, and “chuckled”.
2. Do not research. It is not necessary to waste time getting biology facts, cultural lore, or cultural history correct. For example, if you choose to set your novel in a real-life place, don’t bother visiting it. If you incorporate the ideas of another culture, such as that of the Sioux Native Americans, absolutely do not speak to any Sioux elders or Sioux scholars-as the author, you have no responsibility to accurately portray anything. Instead, take what history you can find out on the Internet and feel free to bastardize their cultural lore so that it fits into your story. Also, if you decide to use science to explain some of your fantasy elements, don’t bother making it logically or factually sound.
3. Do not give your characters personalities. Instead, make sure that your female lead is as perfect as possible (but don’t forget to give her a contrived sense of humility). Obviously she must be pretty and smart, but don’t bother giving examples of her intelligence; all you have to do to tie up that loose end is mention bad interpretations of classic literature. To make sure that she isn’t TOO perfect, she needs a flaw. This is where it gets tricky; if you give her a true flaw, like hubris, she is less appealing. Therefore, use a “flaw” like clumsiness so that a) she is endearingly klutzy (allowing socially awkward young girls to put themselves in her shoes) and b) you have a great deus ex machina that allows your male lead* to swoop in and save the heroine from impaling** herself on a pencil after an attempt at a magic trick.
* It is sometimes helpful to give your female heroine an Electra complex, as this further romanticizes the idea of the male hero carrying her around, watching her as she sleeps, being 100+ years older than her, etc., etc.
** It is important to note that the heroine should not have to sacrifice anything besides her ambition. If you think she SHOULD sacrifice something, make sure that she’s only giving up her family and friends so that the she can devote her entire life and purpose of being to the hero. She should NOT have any kind of hobbies, interests, etc. outside of the hero, and if he leaves her she should become suicidal.
That brings me to the male lead. While it’s a given that he must be a perfect physical specimen, be careful not to give him any actual identifying characteristics because this will reduce your reader’s ability to superimpose the image of her own ‘perfect man’ over the hollow shell of your character. As for personal traits, it’s extremely effective to write him as a caricature of the Byronic hero. Your hero should be brooding, pseudo-dangerous, and have a deep, dark secret to cement his status as a sexy ‘bad boy’. Additionally, he must be extremely wealthy, drive fast cars, and enjoy watching the heroine sleep unawares.
4. Ensure that your heroine and hero’s relationship is abusive. An effective way to do this is to make sure that your male hero fulfills several of the requirements for relational abuse. A good definition of that is this one, from Wikipedia:
Abusive relationships are often characterized by jealousy, emotional withholding, lack of intimacy, infidelity, sexual coercion, verbal abuse, broken promises, physical violence, control games and power plays.
Personally, I recommend using jealousy, lack of intimacy, sexual coercion, broken promises, and controlling behavior because those are all quite easy to justify; all the hero must do is claim that he acts out of his desire to protect the heroine from danger because of his overwhelming love for her. Additionally, if there is another possible romantic interest for the heroine outside of the hero, isolating the heroine from him is a particularly effective method for the hero to use. One example might be siphoning the gasoline from the heroine’s moped to prevent her from leaving her house.
It is especially important to note that the heroine must not find fault in the hero for his abusive actions, as that would make him much less appealing. Instead, she should excuse his behavior by saying “he just loves me” and then continue to submit to his will.
If you’re worried that this might send a bad message to young, hormonal teenagers struggling through their own romantic relationships, don’t be. After all, as Heather says, “This is a BOOK a FICTIONOUS BOOK”, and no one has ever been influenced by a work of fiction in the history of the world, ever. Not even people back in the 1800s who read books like Uncle Tom’s Cabin. In the same way that people are not influenced by advertising or by peer pressure, reading novels does not have the least bit influence on anyone, least of all teenagers whose brains haven’t finished developing.
5. There should be no plot. Even though you may think that rising action, climax, falling action, and character development are important in a novel, they’re not. Instead, focus on the perfection of the male hero. If your editor forces you to write a plot, make sure it’s just another opportunity for the hero to save the heroine.
6. Profit!
Well, there you have it! I hope this helps those of you hoping to write your own ‘Twilight’. And to those of you who were concerned over my literary critique of the series, I promise to follow the steps above before I even think about publicly disliking something again in the future.
Read my thoughts on Midnight Sun here.
Read my review of the movie!
Follow Kellen on Twitter!Comments
960 Responses to “Twilight: A Follow-Up, and a Promise”
[...] Twilight: A Follow-Up, and a Promise [...]
You’re amazing. Seriously, I can’t say it enough.
Oh, guess what. Breaking Dawn has 111 uses of the word “murmur” and its variations. How skilled is that? SMeyer is definitely the epitome of a good writer. /sarcasm
You have left me speechless.
An article made solely to…??
I can’t even say it. I don’t even see the point. Just what is this supposed to prove, exactly? Sure, an opinion is always worth hearing or viewing or whatever, but this is just…it’s not even an opinion….I don’t know the word for it. It’s not exactly pathetic, but something similar. Maybe I WILL get a thesaurus.
So her writing style doesn’t appeal to you, and you make THIS? Bash it from every angle? Criticize every flaw? LOOK for mistakes so you can try to squeeze some merit out of them? NOW I’m mad.
Congratulations, you have evoked some emotion out of a fellow reader and writer. But not in a good way. Something tells me, though, that you don’t care. The reason I am still writing this is because of the few who do.
And quietcorvin, there’s a REASON for that many uses of the word! The vampires aren’t exactly LOUD people, like myself and others.
And this really pushed me to my limit.
“In the same way that people are not influenced by advertising or by peer pressure, reading novels does not have the least bit influence on anyone, least of all teenagers whose brains haven’t finished developing.”
I know PLENTY – that means; many, a lot, quite a few, a number of, etc, etc – teenagers that have not lost their brains to the Twilight books! And even the ones who have will quickly be shown that it is not so in the real world. Are you saying that SM’s books have a tighter hold on them than reality? Because that is not true – in ANY case. And if it is, well, it’s not as common as you would think.
I’m obviously not left without words anymore, am I?
Ha. The people who make generalizations – in and out of the Twilighterdom – it’s sad to think how much support they have.
Which reminds me –
“And what about all of those who agree with me?”
What ABOUT them? What about the people who support SM and her books? The people who supported Malcolm X before he changed his views?
I will refer to a quote that I don’t know how long has been around –
“What is popular is not always right, and what is right is not always popular.”
Take your argument skills and use them towards something useful, like the ethics of abortion. The Twilight Saga is not something to be totally and completely torn apart for analyzing, unless it’s physiology, or the friendly debates that went on at the end of your previous article.
This just makes me sick to my stomach. I repeat; I can’t even see the point to this.
Take a chill pill, Carissa. Literary analysis is a valid form of expression. Don’t let the negative stuff get to you. Learn how to laugh; it’s just a BOOK. Christ. I mean it’s one thing to get into an amiable debate with someone but to get totally butthurt over it is quite another.
I repeat: take a chill pill.
Oh, forgot to add: It’s STILL bad writing to use a single word that many times in one piece of writing. It’s redundant and unneeded.
quietcorvin;
Quite right. I overreacted.
I didn’t know how to respond…in reflection, perhaps I shouldn’t have. I just got so mad. ><;;
Ok I just finished reading the follow-up and all I gotta say is…*sniffle* you are my hero! If this doesn’t get through those fangirl’s thick skulls NOTHING will.
What kind of problem do you have?!?! You got your opinion out there already and if you don’t like some of the responses to it, tough luck. You didn’t need to write a whole different article just to prove that your right!!
And I don’t want any of you b*tches telling me that I’m being imature or whatever ’cause you’re not my mom.
Dear Abby,
…can’t you just go off into a corner someplace where you proceed to situate yourself into the fetal position, plug your ears, and hum repetitively till you think of happy thoughts?
Honestly it’s just an opinion if you don’t like it that’s fine, but you don’t have the right to tell the author of the article to stop voicing said opinion just because it makes you angry. BOO WOO.
Beautiful.
Excellent piece, Ms. Rice.
You did it again Kellen!
Seriously, the world needs more people like you.
I hope I don’t get bashed for defending the book again but I’m just going to go ahead and say my piece.
I did prefer this article to your last one (If you can’t laugh at yourself what can you do, right?)
Stephenie Meyer never considered being a writer. She wrote Twilight for herself and then people told her she should try to get it published. She constantly says that her writing is by no means perfect and that she is learning all the time. It’s just her style. Some authors will have little to no dialogue in their books others will have no description whatsoever.
She does overuse the thesaurus in some cases but in that particular paragraph that you used there I quite liked them. I remember first reading it and how curious I was to see what Edward was like in the sun and the words helped me create a perfect picture.
She didn’t really get any facts about Forks wrong so I don’t really know what you mean by doing no research. Unless she put in paragraphs of the towns history I don’t really see where it comes in use. I’ll agree with you about the scienece element, I’m still confused about the venom.
I know of many people who don’t like Bella, I do. Many characters in young adult books, especially of the fantasy genre, are beautiful and graceful and strong, have a sarcastic wit and know where they stand. Bella is the first character who, to me, seems in anyway realistic. The pull of the book is the romance between Edward and Bella. I don’t really see hobbies and interests coming into it like she she had to pause to do her flute practice or go off to take a horse riding lesson.
You described Edward pretty straight on! But I still like him. I say Midnight Sun will give us a bit more insight into his personality. Although in most cases any character marked as ‘funny’ or ’studious’ or something like that are seen as the ones with personality.
Abusive? I wouldn’t call their relationship that. Jealousy is found in most relationships and I think both the characters are pretty intimate. Controlling? Yes, but Edward admits that he did wrong and let’s Bella be.
I’m slightly confused about there being no plot. I thought there were plots. James, The Volturi, Victoria, The Volturi. Climaxs. They felt like plots to me.
It’s all about opinions, that’s what any review is. Anyone who bashes you and your articles needs to remember that. I love the Twilight series a lot, the plots, the characters and the writing. It’s not a book that is meant to be torn apart and inspected but a book to be enjoyed.
But that’s just what I think.
Ahh I love you! Ignore all the bitter peole angry about your article, because you are a hundred percent right. Twilight is at the most, a guilty pleasure. It is by no means a “saga”(who the fuck came up with that anyway?). But I’m glad your not afraid to put your opinion out there. There are too many butt kissers in the literary industry
And abby’s comment made me giggle
silly angry girl
Love this.
I don’t understand why people keep defending the purple prose and bad writing. The only explanations I can think of are that a) Twilight has rendered them something closer to brain dead or b) they’ve either never studied the proper elements of writing or done literary critiquing, or that they have done it and are just too stupid and/or blinded by irrationality that they ignore anything they’ve learned.
Carissa:
You do realize, don’t you, that the particular quote you used is more applicable toward Twilight being a bad series of books, right?
Because the majority opinion is that Twilight is a good series of books, well-written, and “flawless” – just like Mrs. Meyer’s vampires.
However, being a best-seller and popular doesn’t make a book good. Or, as you put it, “What is popular is not always right, and what is right is not always popular.”
So now I know how to write a good novel.
Try and do exactly the opposite of what you wrote there, because I actually want integrity in my writing.
Too bad Meyer doesn’t.
This was a kick-ass article! Kudos! >3
Yes, yes, a thousand times yes! An amazing piece that is well written and witty, and so true. Stephenie should take a couple of writing lessons from you!
I for one speak out against these books because I care about youth literature and what becomes of it. Meyer’s books have sent us years back on so many levels. And yes, I will continue voicing my dismay as long as books as badly written as the Twilight books are published. It is an insult to us, the readers, that we’re being offered an amateur’s first attempt that was written hastily in three months with minimal research. I expect writers to be pros in their craft before I pay them. Or how many here would pay to go to a concert where someone who had studied music for only a couple of months played the violin?
My point exactly.
haha, wow. I absolutely loved this article. You did a brilliant job.
Even my twilight loving friend enjoyed it.
keep it up.
Ms. Rice, brava, that is all I can say is brava.
Abby, Your mother should wash your mouth out with soap if you sound like that in real life.
Carissa, I hope you understand how this article came out of the thousand plus posts insanity of crazy fangirls and is not indictment of you or your taste. You write as an intelligent, well spoken young woman whom I can respect even as I disagree with over literary preferences.
Lisa. Meyers IS a writer, even if she just published Twilight online as an amateur that does not excuse her from criticism or censure for a lack of research, development, or basic spellcheck.
The center of the problem with Bella is never seems to take any identity or purpose of her own not given to her by Edward. She never even gets upset with him to any lasting effect; she always ends up capitulating in the end. When Edward disables her car so she can’t go see Jacob, she gets upset and stomps around and still leaves the window open so Edward can come stare at her while she sleeps.
It is creepy and abusive in context.
And her plot threads go no where. James, The Volturi, Victoria are all taken on to the tail end of the books and never develop to any real depth. A ancient vampire Mafia spanning the globe and we get 250 pages of Bella mooning over Edward’s perfect skin.
All I can say is Breaking Dawn. Have you read it?
Meyers can spin a tale I can give her that. Her books are addicting which why the derailments are so painful. Jacob, Leah, Alice, and Seth are amazing characters, but badly misused by the plot.
Which is why I stick to fanfiction.
I’m speechless — and that doesn’t happen often — so I’ll just say, “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
You get a well deserved long distance high-five from me, Ms. Rice. Well played.
They’ll still squawk about how you’re wrong, even in the face of incontrovertible evidence, or maybe they won’t. I suspect they’ll have to regress to complaining about how you’re wasting your time, it’s just a book, etc.
I really do commend you for putting yourself out there and not allowing yourself to be cowed by the hundreds of hate-filled death threats and foulmouthed insults you received on your last article.
Rice,
That was absolutely brilliant! You nailed SMeyer’s terrible writing style right on the head.
Ah, I remember Sydnie…
Hahaha, sometimes I love fans.
Perfect article, dearie. Maybe even better than your last one!
To Lisa up above, it’s quite obvious that SMeyer has defended herself by saying her writing is not perfect, she only wrote these books for herself, and they somehow managed to become bestsellers, blah blah blah. The point is, she got them published! If she was truly writing for her own enjoyment she wouldn’t have pursued publishing! I find these excuses that “she’s just a first time writer” to be highly insulting. There are many first time writers out there who could do SO much better than SMeyer!
This article isn’t a reach at all like Carissa up there seems to think. It’s called irony, and it was used perfectly. I don’t care what anyone says, all the points mentioned in the article are 100% true and cannot be disputed against from a true literary standpoint.
Meyer is a terrible writer. There are no excuses that can forgive her of that.
I love you.
Satire at it’s best! A wondeful, witty article of what NOT to do to be a good writer–verses a quick, rich one.
And I must point it out to those indignant and angry over Rice’s response:
Had you all expressed your disagreement of the original article with even a modicum of civility or intelligence beyond that of a fanatical 12 year old, we would not be blessed with an outright answer to your childish demand of being ‘proven’ before having an opinion.
Out of the multitude of CAPSLOCK comments that insulted, screamed, and used profanity at the author, only two actually defended the book with any sense of reason, using the merits of Ms. Meyer’s work, even though I may disagree with them. And as a result, you now have an article that, point-by-point, surgically picks out the problems with her writing style in ways that I’m sure you didn’t wish for the author to receive in such a public domain… but there you have it.
You represent the worst of Meyer’s audience and perpetuate a negative generalization that all Twilight readers are being lumped under. I understand the idea of escapism in fiction and that fans can easily enjoy a book through that element, but theses ignorant overreactions to literary criticisms is really painting a more immature picture to those observing this development.
Kellen Rice, you are amazing. Thank you for yet another excellent article.
Lots of love!
This reminds me of A Modest Proposal
And I loved that thing to death. Kudos to you, and hopefully we won’t have any more spastic angry fangirls. I don’t mind the sane ones – at least they have the sense to realize the obvious, and the mind to debate properly, but the crazed ones drive me nuts.
Especially the crazed ones acting as mature individuals.
Anyone remember Paige? Or Zuniga?
Oh, Zuniga! I wonder what she/he/it would say in reply to this article.
I agree that Twilight is a poorly written Mary-Sue laden, indulgent self-insert fic. And all the points you’ve made are correct.
That said I dont think that reading Twilight will actually prove harmful for teenagers.
Heavy on the sarcasm but yeah, that’s a pretty good summary of some of the most glaring things wrong with the Twilight series as a whole.
I know you’re probably miffed at the people going all WHARRGARBL at you for daring to pan the books, but just keep repeating the magical “LITERARY CRITICISM IS NOT THE SAME AS PERSONAL CRITICISM” mantra and laugh off the people freaking out about it.
Thanks again.
Oh, bless you.
Now, to all of the Twilight fans out there, remember that you cannot criticize anything you have not done. You cannot critique art if you are not artistic. You cannot critique films if you have not directed one. You cannot criticize politicians unless you become one.
Or, well, maybe you could do all of those things, but first you would have to realize that many people write, few people publish, and fewer make brain-numbing phenomena follow in their wake. Critiquing or criticizing a book you have read is not unfair. Moreover, because the people reading the book understand language and likely can read, as that’s implied in reading a book, calling the author out on poor grammar, poorer sentence construction, and poorer still word choice is not unreasonable.
And yeah, Meyer’s lack of research is the most dismal thing of all. I think the likelihood of being stalked by a group of rapists in Port Angeles is next to nil.
More people love Twilight than hate it. Remember that. A few of us actually disliking a book that shouldn’t be this popular is not going to hurt your unreasonable devotion.
Wonderful!
Twilight is honestly the most ridiculous series of books I’ve ever seen. Terrible writing, terrible plot, completely amateurish wish-fulfillment fluff.
And not to mention: it’s a complete insult to anyone who is an honest fan of vampires and other horror monsters. Thanks, Stephenie Meyer, for having the nerve (or is it just stupidity?) to actually CHOOSE to neglect doing research on the very things you are writing about! That makes me, a life-time fan of horror and vampire books/movies feel wonderful. *eyeroll* To completely morph vampires into sparkly fangless wusses is sickening. Naturally an author has the liberty to change certain features and rules, but a vampire is a creature that has a more or less solid DEFINITION. Meyer’s vampires do not have the right to be called thus.
I’m appalled there are people out there who like these books. I guess I overestimated the general intelligence of most people — who knew there are so many lonely sexually repressed girls and women out there?
Loved this article and the previous one.
I wonder what the fangirlz would do if JKR came out and said she didn’t like Twilight. Apparently, JKR is the only one who can have an opinion on the Saga because she has sold 1.3 million books in one day.
The inability of the fangirlz to accept that there are a lot of people who think the Twilight Saga is only good for making s’mores amuses me. They show up in droves every time anything negative is said or written about the books to defend them and the author with the same predictable “These books aren’t supposed to be analyzed deeply!” or “If you can’t say anything nice about them, why don’t you write about something else!” comments.
There’s also this gem, “Stephenie Meyer never wanted to be a writer so you can’t criticize her for her writing!” Bullshit. You don’t accidently publish a book the way you accidently cut your hand or bump your elbow. Meyer is a writer, albeit a poor one, and is subject to criticism regardless of her sensitive, tender, and fragile feelings. Her books are out there like the influenza virus and people are allowed to say whatever they want about them, good or bad.
As I said in my comment to your original article; you have restored my faith in young females. It’s a relief to see young women that aren’t blinded by the dazzle but instead look for substance. Extra kudos for not allowing the sheep to bully you into lowering your standards.
[...] author Kellen Rice continued the debate with another article. Here’s a bit: I decided that it was only right for me (as the author of the original [...]
Amazing!~ This article summed up about everything just plain wrong with the book. You have made me feel a whole lot better about the average teenage girl.
You deserve much love.
Soon you will provoke someone to make a YouTube video, crying and screaming at the camera, “Leave Stephenie Meyer alone!!!” And I will continue to laugh and laugh and laugh at the passionate defense these fans show for a mediocre writer with terrible ideas about romantic relationships. If only they had this same passion for their own grammar.
I just wanted to thank you for the brilliant piece! I absolutely agree with what you said about “bad interpretations of classic literature.” What particularly galled me about the Twilight “saga” are the supposed “references” to classics like Pride and Prejudice and Wuthering Heights. Supposedly, Meyer was influenced by those two classics. And yet, the messages conveyed in Twilight completely contradict those of Pride and Prejudice and Wuthering Heights.
As T. L. stated, “You deserve much love” for writing this piece.
That was very fantastic, and just to get some laughs, I’m actually considering writing up something ridiculous going by your guidelines. For all I know, it might actually sell, and then I can also be criticized, but it’ll be okay because I can just say “I never meant to be a writer!” and the legions of fangirls will support me.
Honestly though, it was beautiful, I thank you. *looks around for the rabid fangirls* Hm, not as many as I’d though there’d be… oh well, they’ll be hear soon enough. How did Robert describe it? Like the sound you hear at the gates of hell? Well, let me know if you hear it.
How can this series be harmful? By glorifying and romanticizing an abusive, creepy, controlling relationship, and by presenting a very passive female lead who depends on someone else to save her and run her life as a normal girl who many girls would love to emulate.
But it’s okay. It’s not like a popular book can influence cultural trends and reinforce social standards. Anyway, the important thing is that they’re in love.
But Ampersand, it’s twu wuv! How can you be so cynical!? *cries* YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND!!!11
Hah! Great article, it made me laugh!
You are an awesome person.
Carissa,
Re: your deviantpage:
“The heavy analyzing can get a bit tiring – books aren’t something to be torn apart for microscopic review, in my opinion.”
Therein lie the problem with your reasoning, babe. Also, you’re going to feel really sheepish about this when you’re 25.
Kellen, I’m falling in love with you.
Seriously, write a book right now and I’ll buy it.
I second what cookie said!
Bravo! Good points!
Speaking for the abusive parts of the relationship. The excuse for all of Edward’s questionable aspects is “But he loves her and wants to protect her!”
Well, abusers don’t “mean” to abuse. It just sort of “happens.” Because they want only what’s best for their significant others, and it’s up to them to look over their SO’s and all parts of their lives because obviously the SO can’t be trusted to do it. They can still love their significant others. But “love” is not an excuse for controlling, manipulative behavior. Obsessive passion might be fun to read about, but it’s no fun to experience in real life.
The only reason such a big deal is being made about it is because we keep being told how “Perfect” Edward is. When he’s kinda …not. And not imperfect in that endearing way either. That’s not to say it was Ms. Meyer’s intent to portray her male protagonist in such a way. Or that the kids are all reading too much into this. My thirteen-year-old sister loves these books, and I had a talk with her about how if a guy broke into her room and watched her sleep, she should run the hell away.
To which she rolled her eyes at me and went: “Duh. I’d tell him to stay away from me if this was real, but it’s a book.” Score one for the tweens, I guess.
I’m ashamed to say that i am somewhat of a twilight fan, i had way too much free time after a stressful period in my life. however, i always put the books in the “beach reading” category.
i find your articles highly amusing and spot on. i found the link from a fan forum my friend asked me to join, people said that it made them feel sick, so i knew it must be good.
most logical twilight fans hated breaking dawn
i have a new hobby now, an online book club to have former twilight fans read good books
you are brilliant.
That was a joy to read. It was entertaining and informative. I can’t wait to write my own story and be just like SM!
This was excellent. I’ve been hemming and hawing about reading. Had borrowed all of the books and they sit, waiting to be read…
I don’t believe I’ll waste my time. Now, don’t misunderstand, normally I would go ahead and read in order to form my own opinion, but frankly, I just don’t have the time to waste on something I instinctively wouldn’t touch.
“b) you have a great deus ex machina that allows your male lead* to swoop in and save the heroine from impaling** herself on a pencil after an attempt at a magic trick.”
Dark Knight reference FTW!!!
This was a great read– sharp and witty–although, at the same time it’s depressing to realise just how aweful this books truly are and the grip they have on all these teenagers.
*golf clap*
Keep up the good work. Perhaps some suggestions of actual literature that this series’ target demographic might enjoy?
“Perhaps some suggestions of actual literature that this series’ target demographic might enjoy?”
How about the Dark is Rising sequence? And the Narnia books, of course.
Other vamp series — A Great and Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray.
The Alanna series by Tamora Pierce (seriously, if you want a kickass heroine, Alanna is the ONE)
His Dark Materials by Phillip Pullman
The Westing Game by Ellen Raskin
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
Anything by the following authors: Lois Duncan, Lois Lowry, Madeleine L’Engle, Caroline B. Cooney
If you really do want good mindless books, grab RL Stine and Christopher Pike.
And, of course, the Gossip Girl series. Because at least Cecily Von Ziegesar doesn’t pretend the books are anything but teen trash.
I love you. I love you so much. If my love for you was tangible, I’d choke on it. THAT’S how much I love you.
This and the previous Twilight review made me both laugh uncontrollably and nod vigorously in agreement. I hated this book with a burning passion before, but now I have even more valid reasons for it.
Words can not express how much I appreciate you writing this.
<3
The twilightards leaving “OMG WTF NO U” comments can die in a fire. You, my friend, are god.
Yeah, I have people saying that to me too – “You can criticize it when YOU’RE published.”
How about I’ve read over a hundred books in my lifetime and know bad writing when I see it? O_o
You speak the truth, and for that, I shall bow down to you. *bows*
Holy God. Carissa, did you really just equate Twilight and Malcolm X? That makes my brain hurt on so many different levels.
I could not be bigger fan of this article.
I only have one piece of chocolate left – it is yours!
I don’t have to be a world class chef to notice my ‘medium rare’ steak is charcoal, just like I don’t have to be a 1.3 mil published author to know the Twilight Saga is deeply problematic. (AND SO CAN YOU!)
Thank you, anyway. Every time I read about Twilight, I think ‘hey, I knew a guy like Edward. Yeah, he BEAT HIS WIFE.’ And I hate the ‘it’s just a book!’ argument, as though tv and books etc aren’t where we develop quite a bit of our idea of normalcy. Silly me, thinking that being able to prove things with science made them possibly, you know, somewhat accurate. But I’m a sociology student, so I’m a bit like that.
Lord. Normalising abusive behaviour is not, and will never be, anything but horrific. And with the overwhelming love of these books, sometimes I feel like the only one standing against a tide of misogyny.
And on another note, I’m convinced she wanted to write fallen angels, but couldn’t for religious and biblical reasons. (Been a while since they could breed with humans, good old Old Testament.)
This is probably weird and sort of pathetic to admit, but you sort of just changed my life. Everything you said in your previous article started out horrifyingly true and I sort of wanted to stop because I still did like the first few books…and then I started actually laughing because it was so true. So hysterically true. All those obsessed fan girls can passionately declare blasphemy, but I am so with you!
And now…Well…Yeah. I would rather be a Jane Austen than a Stephenie Meyer. And Jane Austen stayed anonymous for a large portion of her writing. And none of her characters’ personalities is defined by their chest being sculpted like her own personal Adonis and blah. Just the thought of someone drawing parallels between Elizabeth Benntet – Mr. Darcy and Bella – Edward is apalling. And all the other couples in her novels…
Amazing writing. I like you better than SM already!
Don’t you have anything better to do with your time? Seems to me you spend an awful lot of your free time overanalyzing something you really seem to hate.
Get a life.
*gets popcorn*
*waits for the fangirls to catch wind of this*
This was fantastic, by the way, Kellen.
@ cookie:
Sorry if someone said this already, but I have to say that Libba Bray’s Gemma Doyle Trilogy (what you listed as A Great and Terrible Beauty) isn’t a vampire series…er, at least as far as I can tell from reading the first two books. It’s still a pretty good series on its own, though.
This article made me laugh. Hard. I kind of want to buy you a drink for this. You know, when you’re old enough.
I especially love your quoting of the choicest bits of blind fangirl idiocy. I don’t know if they realize how stupid they sound, but hopefully seeing this will slap some sense into them.
Doubt it though. Sadly.
Jennifer: The problem with your statement is that it could easily be rephrased as, “Don’t you have anything better to do with your time? Seems to me you spend an awful lot of your free time sending snotty messages to people you disagree with. Get a life.”
So you see, nobody really wins.
Except for us, because we actually have a sense of humor.
Jennifer,
Pot meet kettle.
You are my hero. That is all I can say.
all i have to say is thank you so much.
you seriously just stated exactly what i’ve been thinking ever since the damn first book came out… i honestly thought i was going crazy, though (or everyone else was) because i seemed like i was the only person who saw that shit for what it was.
i mean, really. i laughed through all the books… especially the last one, which was particularly horrifying, plot-wise, prose-wise, and just in general-wise.
thanks again for making me feel less crazy.
Oh, I love your Twilight-related articles. It’s so refreshing to be reminded that not everyone who has read these books has been lobotomized by them. Nice work, again.
My goodness. I would just like to say that I really enjoyed not only your review of Twilight, but this helpful how-to guide as well.
Thank you very much for pointing out why this book bothered me so much – it wasn’t just the Godawful purple prose or the lack of a plot, it was the relationship between the two main characters. As a woman who was in an eerily similar relationship for a few years, I’d like to tell the teenyboppers who eat up this drivel that no, it’s not romantic and no, it’s not fun. It’s unhealthy and leaves a lasting effect on your psyche.
And as for the Twilight fans coming in here to throw fits, you’re not alone. It feels like every single bad review of Twilight, no matter how obscure it is, is linked to one of their fansites so they can raid it, letting people know that they have no right to criticize a book. They don’t realize Meyer will never grow as a writer if she doesn’t get criticism (although I doubt she’d learn anything anyway, she admitted in an interview with MTV, if I remember correctly, that she cries when she reads bad reviews). They don’t realize that you can’t slap a book together and tack on a half-assed plot in the last 80 pages. They wouldn’t know a good piece of literature if it bit them.
And thank you, THANK YOU for pointing out, above all things, that Bella is a terrible role model. I was actually insulted by her character. What on Earth is wrong with Stephenie Meyer that she thinks imprinting on an infant, controlling relationships, and women who cannot do anything without a big, strapping man to help them are okay?
Sorry if I’ve rambled. But I feel better having said it.
Seriously, think you for this.
Utter perfection, I bow to you.
I don’t even know who you are, and I think I love you. Seriously, this was not only spot-on, but you managed to write it with just the right amount of sarcasm, which only served to lend this article an air of horrifying, eye-opening truth.
Carissa: You quote “What is popular is not always right, and what is right is not always popular.”, yet I don’t think you really understand what you’re saying there. In fact, that quote works perfectly – against you. According to that quote, The Twilight Series is not “right” (which it really isn’t), because it is so wildly popular. On the other side of the argument, the opinion that the series is horrid is vehemently opposed by many fans, making it highly unpopular, therefore, “right”. Coincidence? I think not.
Wow, out of the 60+ comments, most of them agreed with this article. I guess Breaking Dawn or the whole Twilight saga really was that bad to others. Of course, I loved it. That said, I will defend the Twilight saga and Stephenie Meyer.
This article was almost as bad (actually, it was far worse) as your previous one in terms of your opinion; gramatically, it was great (as expected from a literary student). Your heavy/lame sarcasm almost made it too unbearable for me to finish reading this article. I mean, I’m not saying that you’re not entitled to your opinion, after all freedom of speech eh? Actually, it’s not this article that’s making me so irritated right now, it’s the comments to this article. I bet that some of these people who are now calling you their hero once called Stephenie Meyer their hero, if not, they probably did admire her and really loved Twilight. There wasn’t so much negativity towards the Twilight saga until Breaking Dawn came out. Obviously, Breaking Dawn didn’t turn out right for some people, but it doesn’t mean that these maybe former fans can just stomp and bash Stephenie Meyers. If they didn’t like it, then they should just forget about it instead of trying to find mistakes and accuse Stephenie Meyers of everything! Some of these people probably didn’t even care about the grammar or whatever Stephenie Meyer used, until articles like this pointed it out. Now that these mistakes are pointed out, people are now trying to look even harder for these errors so that they can criticize Stephenie Meyers even more; example: an earlier commentator counted how many times Stephenie Meyers used the word “murmur”?
And then there is the whole profit issue. You think Stephenie Meyers is writing these books for the money? She said so herself in an interview that she wrote these books for herself (as someone pointed out earlier) and that if her books were to fall, she wouldn’t mind. She’s just happy that others can share her amazing dream and story. And for just a beginner in the whole publishing world, she’s doing amazing and she continues to stay true to herself. I really admire her for that. People who are reading my comment now are probably going to say, “stayed true to herself? but she put a sex scene!” psh, big deal. She wrote it after Bella and Edward were married. As much as I hate Stephenie Meyers being compared to JK Rowling, I’m going to make a small comparison. Both of them started writing novels out of the blue and their books became super popular, however, there wasn’t much controversy over the last book of Harry Potter. If you channeled your anger towards the Harry Potter books (I’m not saying you should! I said IF) you’d be able to find grammatical errors too… not to mention, the plot sort of deviated a little towards the later books. So it’s kind of like that for many books. (Oh and when I say “you,” I don’t mean the writer of this article, I mean everyone) All in all, people can be a real selfish brat when things don’t go their way, enough to hate the person you once maybe looked up to are just liked.
Oh and lastly, even though I absolutely adore, love, look up to Stephenie Meyers, thank you for writing both of these articles, because it showed how disgustingly fake some “fans” can be.
This one, honey. I’m not EVEN going to get into it. You’re 19 FRICKIN’ YEARS OLD. Who says YOU know how to write a smash hit of a novel? If you could do ANY better and you could be even MORE FAMOUS than Stephenie Meyer, I dare you to oblige my curiosity. Because I KNOW you’ll fail miserably. And I really hope you do. Trying to drag a good story through the mud. Shame on you. Enough said.
I just want to say how much I love you for doing this. It was absolutely hilarious, not to mention very much accurate. (And Dark Knight allusion just made it even more incredible!)
I really love you.
Two home runs in one series is pretty good for anyone, bless your heart!
I want the record to state that I have never nor will I ever be a fan of Stephenie Meyer or her work. Breaking Dawn did not turn me against the books, Twilight did. I let Meyer’s work speak for itself and it did so in a voice so painful I’d rather have a root canal without anesthetic than go near one of those books again.
I’d really like to know why fans feel they absolutely have to defend the books so vehemently. Twilight is the only fandom I know of that has an equally large anti-fandom and both the books and the true fans are the reasons why.
I didn’t read all the responses here (there are too many, and too many ignorant ones) but I get the general idea as to what they entail.
I just want to point out that you are hopping mad about absolutely nothing of any import.
The books are meant to be a pleasurable reading experience. As someone else here put it, a guilty pleasure.
Aesop’s Fables these are not. And are not meant to be.
They are out there for the sole purpose of entertainment. Period. Not to teach a moral lesson, not as an instruction guide to relationships, not as a model by which you should live your life.
Entertainment, pure and simple.
If you weren’t entertained, well that’s your perorgative, pure and simple, but your repeated bashing of the books sounds like a spoiled little girl who is mad because she didn’t get her new Barbie doll.
As a parent, I can safely say that the education of young girls and the responsibility to ensure that they know their self-worth and value in a relationship falls to the parents. Not to a pop cultural phenonmenon.
To imply that a book is responsible for the outlook and perspective of a tween/teen audience is ridiculous. The sad fact of the matter is that it is the fault of the parents.
The book is an innocent bystander, and your destructive criticism was unneccesary and unsavory.
omg. children. Stop bitching and trying to prove your points right- they’re all opinions, and the only thing talking right now are your egos. Just stop and listen for a second, and formulate your own opinion, and respect the fact that not everyone will agree to you. You don’t *have* to read this; you don’t *have* to read Twilight, either. But why would you read something just for the soul purpose of being able to say how “wrong” it is?
*Peace.* To each their own, really.
APPLAUSE.
ON SO MANY ACCOUNTS.
You have very plainly, openly, and concisely described many of Twilight critics’ or disappointed or re-enlightened fans’ opinions on the matter. It’s ridiculous how such an innocent ‘o this is just a little romantic diddy of a story’ has snowballed with so much effect on the American teenage girl!
I just got done rewatching Pride & Prejudice and found why I like it so much more. The development is so subtle. The development is real. There’s such actual struggle between personality rather than outside forces, and no vastly purple declarations of adoration.
You are fantastic! Thank you for giving us a voice!
(Still hopelessly addicted to this series despite my better judgment…)
I think the people who write long comments commenting about how how Kellen is wasting her time on something she hates have no sense of irony.
I was typing before Christina made her post, and I just have to say really fast that I agree entirely.
Exactly what I was trying to make come out of my mouth, in a short version.
@ Molly – well, maybe *we* like expressing *our* opinions as well.
The difference here is that we do it to contribute another view in the minds of people who may not have seen an alternative way before – this way we are expressing is *peace*. You have your opinions, other people have theirs. It’s simple, really.
All in the world is not exactly how it initially seems, I’m afraid.
…Still no sense of irony…or hypocrisy.
A dozen roses and a drink for you…you deserve it!
@>—`—–`— x 12
& \_/ !
My daughter and I just had a good laugh over this. Two fantastic pieces! But you did forget to mention all the continuity errors in this mastepiece, like Charlie’s pancakes turning into cereal.
I especially liked the part about Native Americans. That always bothered me…that depiction of life “on the rez.” We have Potawatomie in the family, so maybe I picked up on it easier than most, but it was tacky.
If Stephenie didn’t want reviews of her work, she should have kept it to herself, or just shared it with her friends, instead of selling it to the public.
no – i think you are missing the part where i said our intentions behind writing are different.
kellan wrote it for the pure joy of bashing something; i am writing in explanation of a different view that hasn’t *actually* been looked at. I am writing, right now, to ‘educate’ and open peoples minds.
and you know what? i was actually *expecting* someone to post right after saying the same thing that you did, as i wrote the post. I have a sense of irony – it just isnt applicable right now, as you so think it is.
To Molly: I love a good example of irony. Debating the merits of an entertainment-purposed book series in society is not that.
And I never said she was wasting her time. I said she sounded like a spoiled little girl. My daughter has better manners. If you can’t say something nice and all that…
To Alisha: Glad to be of assistance. I made an effort to be clear, concise, and straightforward. Although I did accidentaly put “pure and simple” twice. For shame. A novel writer I am not. *sigh*
LOL
LOL for shame
And no problem – im glad someone shared the same-ish view that i do. ^^
I know several people who share your view. My sisters and sister-in-law among them. We are a family of readers.
Just to put it out there, I noticed most of the typographical and time “narrative consistancy” errors but overlooked them in favor of entertainment value.
The most I would say about that is to get yourself a new editor, because that’s what you pay them to catch. Inconsistancies and whatnot. You can’t hold SM entirely responsible. It’s hard to catch your own mistakes.
As any literary student should know.
I’m liking Tom
Keep on going girls, you’re giving me the giggles.
Here’s what I think about commenters who find an article like this to be bashing: No, bashing is the insanity that was the comments of the previous ariticle. God forbid she respond intelligently, if somewhat snarkily, to those remarks.
Also, she’s not really “bashing” the readers, she’s “bashing” the writing and the story. If you can’t see that, it’s no wonder you like the books.
hmm.. okay molly. Since you obviously don’t hold the will to *get* it i am done repeating the same thing… over and over. XP
And thats great to hear, christina! ^^ Sometimes i wonder if compassion in this world is lost, but things keep coming to me telling me that it’s not.
Christina writes:
I said she sounded like a spoiled little girl. My daughter has better manners. If you can’t say something nice and all that…
Laughing at this comment and the commentor’s inability to see the hypocrisy.
“no wonder you like the books”
I love the books. Actually, I pretty much love all books of any kind. I will read most anything, and have pulled many an all-nighter to finish a book I found, at best, to be mediocre. Romances, histories, science fiction, whatever. I love to read.
I read for the sake of reading. Try it some time. You might like it.
Alisha – All is not lost. Although my husband might tell you I am not a stunning example of the compassionate soul! Ha ha.
But as someone who, at one time, might have aspired towards writerdom (a dream that died a noble and necessary death), I do have compassion and admiration for anyone who puts themselves out there with their work (however good or bad) and makes themselves vulnerable to the kind of hypocrisy and condescension I have seen recently.
CHH writes:
Laughing at this comment and the commentor’s inability to see the hypocrisy.
The hypocrisy was intentional. I’m sorry you missed that one.
Sorry then. Some of the fans are so sincere in their comments that I have trouble believing some of them even know what hyprocrisy is, much less recognize it.
At the moment, you’re my favourite person in this world.
Molly–>> not to gang up on you since I see two others are against you, though I don’t blame them, you can’t really say that the people who are writing long comments are wasting their time. I mean, you can write them, since you obviously already did, but who are you to say that we are wasting our time? I’m free to do whatever I want with my time and I am very happy that I used some of my time to write what I had to say (I don’t care if I spent two hours writing what I had to say). If you say that we are wasting our time “complaining” than we can say that Kellen wasted her time writing this article. But I’m not, because she wanted to state her opinion and we want to state ours!
CHH writes:
Sorry then. Some of the fans are so sincere in their comments that I have trouble believing some of them even know what hyprocrisy is, much less recognize it.
No harm done =)
My comments are always sincere, but not necessarily simplistic.
I just thought most of the article was unneccesary and cruel, to be perfectly honest. SM put herself out there with the books, and while I agree that she opened herself to crticism, I’m a believer in the constructive kind, not the “I hate you hate you hate you let me slam the door in your face and tell you I wish I had never been born” kind. AKA teenage melodrama.
Maybe Twilight will never be a model of American literature (although who can say for sure?) but the cruelty of the responding articles was uncalled for.
That was seriously one of the best articles I’ve ever read about Twilight. I have no idea what the hell everyone is bitching about on here – I think the books are ‘okay’ (to make fun of), and I personally find you hysterical nevertheless.
Don’t ever change, man. Keep up the great work.
Oh oops, I forgot.
CHH- alright, so your record is stated that Breaking Dawn didn’t turn you from SM. Let me make myself clear- I didn’t say everyone, I said some people… so you really didn’t have to state your record. I don’t really care.
We are defending the Twilight saga and Stephenie Meyers because there are people like you who are so heated to criticize the books and the author! By the way, we don’t “have to” (as you said) defend the books and SM, we want to. They are just very special to us. Wouldn’t you want to defend things/people that you really like or look up to?
@ Christina
This article IS concrit. It’s basically saying what not to do–i.e., what Meyer did poorly. I think it’s very helpful to writers (and if Meyer ever read it, if she could get past the butthurt and her egomania then it might help her, too). It says to go easy on the thesaurus, to do your research, to avoid “perfect” characters, and to really scrutinize your characters’ actions. How is that “I hate you I hate you, etc.”? Granted the writer chose to give the article a humorous bent, but I don’t think that was wrong or childish of her.
“How is that “I hate you I hate you, etc.”? Granted the writer chose to give the article a humorous bent, but I don’t think that was wrong or childish of her.”
I was making reference to the overlying emotion of moral outrage I detect in the article. (Particularly in the first article)
It is possible that I misinterpreted her feelings on the subject, but I just get the feeling from her writing that she despises both book and author, and in all honesty, I have no idea why. It seems childish to hate something so thoroughly, especially since the book has done her no harm.
It’s the kind of thing I notice in religious zealotry, and it bothers me on a level I can’t fully explain. The ability to hate so totally, without logical reason.
Twilight is by no means the worst book ever written, grammatically or otherwise.
Sorry there was supposed to be one more sentence but I accidentally clicked submit:
So what’s there to hate?
@ Anna
I never told anyone they were wasting their time. But, if they think that Kellen is wasting her time by typing out her opinion, then what do they think of themselves for doing the exact same thing?
@ Christina
I read plenty, which is why I can’t stand this series.
@ Christina
While obviously the first article was a little more angry in tone than this one, I still think the author’s use of humor indicates that she’s not psycho. Same with this one – I mean, isn’t the fact that she didn’t bash people for liking the books or start preaching “OMG NO ONE MUST EVER READ THESE BOOKS EVER AGAIN!” kind of indicate that she’s not a ‘zealot’?
The impression I got from the second article was one mostly of good humor and amusement, not really craziness like you perceived. She obviously doesn’t like the books but I don’t really think she ever bashes Meyer personally.
I don’t get how disliking something, stating your opinion, and then defending that opinion is childish. I just don’t.
sparkle_motion, not only do I whole heartedly agree with you, but your name amuses me.
I love that movie.
Oh sorry Molly, I misread. I didn’t realize that the wasting your time was connected to how people think Kellen is wasting her/his time. I agree with you there though, people who think Kellen is wasting her/his (gahh is Kellen a guy or a girl) time is doing the same thing…
@ Alisha-
“But why would you read something just for the soul purpose of being able to say how “wrong” it is?”
Well, how did she know it was going to be all *wrong* until she opened the book and read it? I for one wanted to finish all four books because I wanted to see if Stephenie Meyer proved me wrong and could actually write a *good* finale. Kellen might have wanted to finish the books so she could properly criticize them and debate them in her blog posts.
@Christina-
“while I agree that she opened herself to crticism, I’m a believer in the constructive kind, not the “I hate you hate you hate you let me slam the door in your face and tell you I wish I had never been born” kind. ”
But it *is* constructive criticism. Ms. Rice discusses where the books fails and points out passages that back up her opinions. Yes, it’s angry and sarcastic, but a. it’s a column-style piece, which gives the writer more freedom with style and b. it may also be because she received so many hateful comments (and probably emails) on the level of “HOW DARE YOU CRITICIZE STEPHENIE MEYER YOU BITCH YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE AN OPINION.”
Yuki– do you write yourself? I really enjoyed her posts in the other thread.
Christina– So these books are pop culture, that excuses them from any sort of critical analysis?
The books have a seriously creepy misogynistic undertone and are being eaten by young girls like candy. You don’t think it can have some effect on young girls?
Guess I don’t have to worry about the younger generation getting oversexualized and hyper conscious about beauty and weight issues. What they read and watch won’t get internalized at all.
Meyers wrote the books, she published the books, but she is not responsible for her spelling, themes, or keeping her own canon straight?
Every story has themes, context, and meaning. Even Dr. Seuss or Dean Kootz. It is inherent to storytelling.
Molly,
It’s my favorite movie, and I thought the subject matter at hand (y’know, sparkly vampires *eyeroll*) made ’sparkle_motion’ an appropriate handle.
@ Sparkle
Well, as I stated previously, I heard an undercurrent of inexplicable anger and emotion that I thought far transcended the nature of the so-called “crime.” Hate without reason, as it were, if not “zealotry” (although I never actually said she was a zealot, only that I see a similarity in her moral outrage to zealots. I also never said she was psycho, but forgive me if I pass on the kool-aid at her party)
From my perspective it was like watching a two year old have a meltdown because she got an orange popsicle instead of a red one.
In that light, it seemed childish.
Also as I have previously stated, my interpretation is subjective and therefore possibly faulty.
Much like the opinions expressed in said article.
@ Cookie
The “angry and sarcastic” part sort of detract from the “constructive” part. Instead, it comes across and condescending and overbearing. Not the best ways to convince someone of anything.
@ Riana
“So these books are pop culture, that excuses them from any sort of critical analysis?
The books have a seriously creepy misogynistic undertone and are being eaten by young girls like candy. You don’t think it can have some effect on young girls?”
All works are open to critical analysis. I just think that being cruel about it is unnecessary. As I have said countless times on this forum.
I believe that all minds (not just those of the young) are impressionable. In fact, the responses to this article prove that. What I was trying to say in my response was that it is the responsibility of PARENTS to monitor children and their viewing/reading/social habits. Are you implying you expect authors, moviemakers, etc. to censor their work because a child might read it.
@ Christina
Okay, when kids have a ‘childish tantrum’, usually they’re screaming and incoherent and jumping up and down and basically not making any sense. I fail to see how that translates into either of these articles – in both, Rice made valid points backed up by logic (and yah, her subjective interpretation). She disliked the books, she obviously had a problem with the message… but she didn’t scream and cry about it. She presented her opinion clearly and reasonably (if a little snarkily). In the end, her purpose (as I see it anyway) was to a) make people think a bit and b) entertain (hence the humor).
Also, you mentioned the ‘inexplicable anger’ and I think it’s fair to suggest the idea that people everywhere have different perspectives based on their own experiences. maybe Kellen, I dunno, has been discriminated against on the basis of her sex or maybe she’s been in an abusive relationship… wouldn’t that give her good reason to feel emotional about the subject? Yes, it’s subjective but at the same time I think it’s reasonable to take a step back and realize that people react to things in different ways… her anger is no less valid than your apathy, and makes her no more or less a psycho than the outrageous Twilight fans who gave her death threats.
basically, she wrote two articles with logical and valid points. I don’t see how that’s a tantrum. obviously you have a different interpretation (which I’m not saying is wrong, she could be a crazy psycho bitch, but I for one agree with her on this subject)
“maybe Kellen, I dunno, has been discriminated against on the basis of her sex or maybe she’s been in an abusive relationship… wouldn’t that give her good reason to feel emotional about the subject? ”
Certainly it would, and I have nothing but the utmost respect for anyone who has dealt with any situation of that nature.
I was only stating my opinion as I saw the situation. It may be, perhaps, that we must agree to disagree.
And perhaps a better metaphor for what I meant about the anger would have leaned more towards a teenager lashing out at the oh-so-unfairness of life instead of a two year old with a popsicle. Frankly, the popsicle episode took less time to type ha ha!
And shame on anyone who threatened Kellen with death! Good grief, what is the world coming to when people can’t have a reasonable (and good-natured?) debate on a difference of opinion?
@ Christina
here are some gems from the other article:
“OK people SHUT THE FUCK UP,if people like this book stop dissing it and stop compareing it to FRICKIN harry potter!they are 2 different series.and in the 2nd book BELLA SAVES EDWARD FYI!!!!!!!!!!!so there bella is a great role model she cooks for her dad,takes care of her mother,and does her homework and is an excellent stdent!and smeyer said bella will go to colleage but as infinate time so ahe can do what ever.so in conclusin if you say twilight sucks YOU SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!GO TWILIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“This article is awful ! Thanks for bowing out because honestly the Twilight fanbase just doesn’t deserve someone who’s so NEGATIVE in the community. I loved the books and so did MILLIONS so your just one of those people who can’t just take the ride and enjoy it for once. YOU JUST THINK TOO MUCH JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE ! Well anyways I hope you find what your looking for because I doubt you’ll find it !”
KELLEN RICE: GROW UP, go to your local store and buy a brain, and don’t insult things you obviously don’t understand!!!
o fuck off u dumbass moronic bastards. it’s a damn great series and you know it. u dickheads are stupid. u suck….and not in a good way
OH MY GOSH HOW THE HECK CAN YOU SAY THAT?!?!?!?!?! TWILIGHT IS AN INSPIRATION!!!! WHAT THE WEREWOLF (HEHE) IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!?!?!YOU ARE SICK!!! WHAT THE CRAP DUDE!!!!!!! YOU ARE A WEREWOLFIN WEREFOLF WHO SHOUND GO TO WEREWOLF!!!!!!!!! WTH?!?!?!?!?!?! WHAT THE HECH IS WRONG WITH YOU YOU SICK PERSON??!?! DONT WRITE AN ARTICLE ABOUT IT!!! JUST SAY THAT YOU DONT CARE FOR IT AND KEEP IT LIKE THAT!!!!! BUT DONT GO BLABBING IT OUT TO THE ENTIRE WORLD!! YOU SHOULD FEEL ASHAMED OF YOURSELF FOR MAKING SO MANY PEOPLE MISERABLE!!!!!!!!! WHAT HTE HECK LADY, WHAT THE HECK!?!??!?!?!?!?!??!!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!? YOU JUST WANT SOME ATTENTION!!!!
So in light of all that ^^^ (and I only skimmed a little, there ARE death threats in there) maybe you see why I don’t think Rice’s articles were childish tantrums. I think it’s kind of a testament to her that she didn’t go apeshit in return… obviously she can control herself even when people are being ridiculously rude and crass to her.
@ Sparkle
I will concede your point! But only about the psychos with the death threats. I won’t be drinking their kool-aid either.
My opinion on the original opinion stands. The article makes me feel like, at any moment, someone is going to ask me if I would like to join their bra-burning.
No thanks. Once you’ve had a baby, you realize you NEED that bra.
@ Christina
I know what you mean about the first one. I agreed with most of what she was saying, but she WAS a little intense. After reading this one, i got the impression that the first article was sort of… intentionally provocative, if that makes sense? i mean, I’m sure she does believe all that stuff (she wouldn’t write an article otherwise) but given her general sense of humor with the second article (and after all her hate mail!) i have to believe that she’s not quite as extreme as the first article made her seem. ?? just my thoughts.
also, kudos to you for being the first honestly reasonable neutral (you seem neutral to me, anyway) commenter that I’ve seen. It’s a pleasure to talk to you.
@ everyone
going to bed now. hopefully will see you tomorrow morning.
@ Sparkle.
Intense is definately the word I would use. And it is quite possible she was being intentionally provocative. After your post I went back and read the article again and I’m inclined to believe that is very likely. As to the second article, I couldn’t say. In someways, it is just as provocative as the first (hence the naming of names, etc. which is almost like saying nya nya nya nya nyaaaa) and in other ways, more reasonable.
Thanks for the kudos. Minds are like parachutes, they only work when open.
On that note, I need to go to bed, I have an early morning ahead of me. *sigh* oh the days when I had no responsibilities. Where have you gone?
“This one, honey. I’m not EVEN going to get into it. You’re 19 FRICKIN’ YEARS OLD. Who says YOU know how to write a smash hit of a novel? If you could do ANY better and you could be even MORE FAMOUS than Stephenie Meyer, I dare you to oblige my curiosity. Because I KNOW you’ll fail miserably. And I really hope you do. Trying to drag a good story through the mud. Shame on you. Enough said.”
Laughing. That’s what I’m doing. Maybe it was simply the right place at the right time…like the Sex Pistols! Anybody can write a book but very few can write literature….and Meyer is not one.
This seems to be a never ending battle, and I believe that us people who have better things to do then read about a sparkling vampire should be left alone by those who don’t. Although, I must say…these debates are really wonderful.
I think you are getting the gears moving, Kellen Rice. I applaud you.
@Christina -
“The “angry and sarcastic” part sort of detract from the “constructive” part. Instead, it comes across and condescending and overbearing. Not the best ways to convince someone of anything.”
I don’t think so. I think it’s just the way Kellen might have been feeling when she wrote the blog piece. It’s not a straight article, it’s an opinion column, so she rightfully included her feelings. I don’t see how the biting sarcasm detracts from her points, because they’re still very well-reasoned.
Dear Kellen,
We are getting married and that’s final.
Love, Erynn.
I want to say something intelligible and developed in response to both of your articles, but I seem to be blown away by the sheer amounts of epic win. Thank you so much for saying what you did, and in such a perfect blend of smart and snarky. Brava. I only wish SMeyer had taken these points into account while she was writing her books.
In sum, you are awesome. ♥
Oh, and by the way people, I’ve got a few extra fold up chairs, 8 liters of root beer, 2 liters of Pepsi, some kettle corn and a few bags of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans if anyone else if going to stay and wait for the fangirls to come. Just holla at me and I’ll throw em at you. xD I’ll come back tomorrow with some eggs too so we can egg people, but you guys have to chip in and contribute also.
*sits on chair and nibbles the end of a pink bean*
YES.
That is all.
Let me first say that I enjoyed reading both your articles. Though your first one was a little too extremist for me (I agreed with it, but I guess I don’t show as much enthusiasm about it as much as you do XD), I have to say that this is a wonderful follow-up.
I was nodding at every point you made and the sarcasm really got my sides splitting.
People don’t forget that sure, it’s not something we agree with, but hey. It’s an opinion. Deal with it! If opposition didn’t present itself, then maybe this world would be quite different. (Ein drittes Reich, nicht wahr?)
So what? Yeah, there are just some people who just plain don’t like the book. What are you going to do about it? Name calling? There’s no need to be so vehement about it. I’ll be honest. I’d LOVE to read all the criticism, but after the first 20 angry fangirl/boy/mother/father/second-cousin-once-removed comments, I’m hearing the same thing. And let me say something right now.
“Hi, nice to meet you! Let’s go sit down, have a drink while I hit you with this very heavy book. Oh, don’t worry. It’s fiction! It won’t hurt you one bit. Oh but I haven’t written a best-seller yet.
Oh, and I really don’t quite agree with what you have to say. Please don’t call the hospital! The heart attack’s all in your head!”
I enjoyed the first book a lot, but soon the hype got too big and the novelty of a “guilty pleasure” just wore off. The second one completely killed it and now the buzz is just gone. Now I just read it for the cheap laughs.
My comment is really old news, but I’m always the last one to find these things out…
And I apologize about my “fancy” speech. It’s a habit. 
But anyway, I think I love you Ms. Rice! Please marry me so we can have vampire/human bebbehz. Oh wait. I forgot to mention that I’m a vampire. Yeah, because that’s kinda important.
Sarcasm you’re doing it right.
Fucking brilliant. Now we just need SMeyer to read it.
This is beautiful.
I love this, Kellen Rice! You’re very brave to write these articles continually with all these crazy fangirls out there attempting to bring you down. =)
And just to be clear… Her name is Meyer, not Meyers, right? Great fans you are, to not even get your hero’s name right!
And I’d love to join your stake-out, Erynn. Toss me one of those fold up chairs, will you? <3
I’m very, Very sorry
after reading your latest post, I have to eat my own words.
you talk sense, Ms Rice.
I am quite embaressed now, to tell you the truth. but i will not take back what i did say, really, because You were TOO HARSH in your last article, there really was no need to say ‘twilight sucks.. and not in a good way’, because it does not suck
although, you have pointed out alot of the ’suck-ish’ parts in this article
Must scroll back up and re-read for full attempt.
BUT, might i ask, who are you trying to appeal to?
Twilighters? Meyer- fanatics?
or Just people>?
I find it kind of insulting, as a Twilight fan, to read your work, even if, said article, above, was decent, and true.
Georgina.
Thank you.
If only Stephenie Meyer would read this. Her reaction would be hilarious. -sigh-
Christina
Parents need to be responsible for their children’s intake, but that does not give authors, filmmakers, etc. a free pass to create questionable content in their works and not be call out on it, especially when it is /aimed/ at children.
You dislike the snarky and biting tone of the article and find it overly provocative well, the actions and the attitudes of the fans and the author equally infuriate the rest of us. To be told to be quiet, it is /only/ fiction, that finding the disturbing undertones is only in our heads. and not /valid/ is provocative and infuriating.
You are welcome to your stance and I thank you for being so polite and coherent about it, but I will have to respectfully disagree wholeheartedly with it.
You know what else was a first novel?
Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell.
First novel is no excuse for bad writing/research.
I… I love you so much for this.
Words can not explain the brilliance of this article.
This article and you are made of pure win and awesomeness.
I am your fan. Forever.
haha. the hateful bitchy teenager strikes again. you really are still a kid, I don’t know why your ‘fans’ are critisizing some of the people who wrote comments because they’re teens, too.
I absolutely adore well-written, snarky commentary (and I am quite serious about this). It’s so painful to see that young adult literature has been reduced to such utter dreck and, even more appalling, that it is being defended vociferously. It seems that these are the students that won’t bother with reading something more worthwhile like Dostoyevsky, Poe, Whitman or Dickenson. That would require something akin to taking effort to understand a work deeper than the gene petri dish that they’ve been dipping their toes in.
To those posters who claim “Just go ahead and write something better…”, there is quite a bit of exceptional young adult literature out there, I just doubt that you’ll ever read it because it lacks those elements the author so succinctly outlines above. It may be her opinion, bitter viewpoint, yadda yadda yadda, but hers is a very astute observation that, as a former teacher myself, I see as a very disturbing literary trend.
Ms. Rice, I applaud your well-written, very apropos follow-up to your previous article. Well done!
I want to have your baby and name it Nessie.
I’m going to university for journalism next year, and reading such delightful, sarcastic articles make me realize why I picked this career in the first place. You are brilliant and hilarious and I hope one day I can write something as clever as this.
Two words…THANK YOU. Finally someone has the wit to come up with some actually intelegent reason about why Twilight isn’t the greatest book ever written. Let’s face it that is what the readers of the series are treating it like, everyone fan that I have spoken to has said “it’s a great book” or “you would like it if you read it!”. The latter comment is my favorite, I don’t want to read it, ever!!! It would be an act of futility if I read the book. I would still hate. Whenever one of the anti-Twilight people says the book sucks, the twilight fans immediatley pick up pitch forks and torches and tries to kill the person who made the comment. It’s a book people calm down. WE DO NOT LIKE IT, so let us not like it, we do not try to get you to not like so don’t try to get us to like, we have differing opinions, leave us alone about it.
One of the major problems I have, besides all the hype surrounding the series, is that fact that Stephanie Meyers took all the vampire lore that made vampires balanced, I.E. WEAKNESS, and she crapped all over it. Vampires who walk in the sun, I almost had a stroke, vampires, I repeat VAMPIRES, that do not have fangs……..need I say more. The series is ridiculous. To the fans, stop treating Stephanie Meyers like she craps out ice cream. She is not a goddess of literature, she is not worth of sitting in the same state as Anne Rice, author of the Vampire Chronicles. If someone wants to read a real vampire drama/love story pick up that series. As for Ms. Meyers, this is all I have to say, YOU GOT LUCKY STOP WHILE YOUR’E AHEAD.
Then again, she could get away with the series that from Edwards P.O.V, Midnight Sun. Which I have a feeling is only going to be the exact thing as the Twilight series with the names simply revered. If this is the direction fictional writting is taking then I mourn for the world.
Thank you for these illuminating articles Ms. Kellen Rice. – LeSTAt
I <3 you!
Amazing and so true.
Ms.Rice-
Do I agree with you at all? No. But was this article a hell lot better than the last one? Yeah. But only because the heavy sarcasm and humor. Am I somewhat ashamed of loving Twilight? Yeah, but I’m still into Twilight. I love books, and have read too many to believe that Twilight is so bad. If you have to bash a book, move on to ‘Jacob Have I Loved’ please. Then you will be my hero.
I adore this article. It’s amusing to see so many people getting angry about someone pointing out the flaws of this hacky series. I’m surprised Stephenie Meyer hasn’t received the Bulwer Lytton award yet.
Just wondering. Could you please experiment using the tips you mentioned before and post the story on the internet? It would be really interesting.
You know, the whole “Oh, like you could do better than the genius of Stephanie Meyer!” shtick is still funny, even when disingenuously phrased like Alyssa’s is.
hahahahhahahha
oh my god I love you.
I almost feel like boycotting Little Brown for even publishing the series. You know, I feel like this should be a big story. Like why isn’t any major news outlets reporting about these books. They’re so extremely anti-feminist and yet all these teenage girls are reading and loving them… that is screaming trouble and wrong and horrible and frightening all at the same time. But no one seems to be noticing. Well, you’re noticing, of which I am extremely grateful by the way.
Nico-
I was completely serious. It really would be interesting.
Alyssa–
Check out the Friday lit review over at Feministing. They are doing a classic YA like Jacob I have Loved, and Deenie and such.
” I don’t want to read it, ever!!! It would be an act of futility if I read the book. I would still hate”…” WE DO NOT LIKE IT, so let us not like it,”
okay, i am completely for stating your opinion, but i dont think you can really form an opinion without reading the books.
that said, i am a proud fan of the series and i also really enjoyed reading these articles. not only did you support your points, you are an amazingly entertaining writer… much like SM, as much as you might not think so. both your writings are writen solely to get people hyped up.
SM’s writing is completely unrealistic, and even though i adored the books, i am a realist too. i doubt this book was written to be a guide on a proper relationship or anything, but just for the purpose of entertaining readers. it may have been mushy, but you cant deny the facts. the fact is it DID sell brilliantly because it was so enjoyable to put yourself in bellas shoes and escape into the impossible paradise she lives.
and just to put it out there; of all the twilight fans i know, nobody likes bella, showing that probably most fans dont idolize her.
to end–i thought i should say i am ashamed of my fellow twi-hards and i hope you know that not all of us are ranting morons who dont know a diplomatic way to share their comments.
much love ♥
Jocelyn
Be proud of your crack, love your crack, don’t be ashamed of it. Twilight has nothing on the VC Andrews I remember reading as a kid; recognizing the failings of a series doesn’t diminish it, only enhances your insight.
This, I think, trumps your previous article! Perfect sarcasm and the outline is, truly, a masterpiece. A foolproof scheme to make millions! Love it! Next time I’m hard up for cash, I’ll be sure to try it. Though I’m not sure even starvation is a good enough reason to unleash another Twilight or similar on the world. Haven’t we suffered enough?
i have to admit that i was so completely curious about these twilight books that i just HAD to read them. i got to the end of twilight and the only thing running through my mind was “people actually READ this?”….and through, as you said, morbid curiosity, i’m reading new moon and i’m barely past those empty months because i’m cringing so much i fear that i may cause myself injury.
i tried to explain why i disliked the book to my friends, but i’m not great at explaining myself. so i shall point them towards both this article and the previous one because you have said exactly what i felt.
come on girls!! have some self respect!!!
Perfect article.
NOTE: not a stupid, over dramatic, Fangirl response.
I understood, your dry Humor, dear Writer of said Article above, and I would like to explain in brief points, what i think..
ONE: Abuse the thesaurus- Firsly, Ms.Meyer- did not Abuse the thesaurus, All of the readers of the novels- find her use of language distinct, and quirky, and very telling of the main Protragonist.
TWO Do not research- ugh. Your so ‘funny’ saracasm, yet again.
I’m pretty sure, you mean ‘Forks’? yes.. well while it is clear Meyer changed some of the main parts in the landscape of Forks, isnt that the whole point of Fiction? Forks is a very big part in the story, as most settings are. It is desribed beautifully, even if meyer has or has not done her research. She paints such a vivid picture- we can all see the green, and the endless labrinth of forest, as described in the prose.
THREE: Do not give your characters personalities- DID you even READ the novels? Each character has a personality, and each character differs. as with everyone!- Bella Swan- Well, I don’t think Meyer made her ‘perfect’ or ‘enderingly Klutzy’, and it is UTTERLY unfair for you to think that socially retarded girls can feel better reading about her. YOU COW, and Bella has alot of Flaws- for one, she more than often feels Self Consious- and insecure, she feels alone, and that nobody is ever on the ’same page’ as her, not even her mother, whom she felt closer to than anyone else in the world. so, when she meets Edward- she finds that someone else out there, is actually on the ’same page’ as her, and that really is, a major point..
Bella is very misunderstood by you- she is not stupid, or too ‘perfect’, anything but, she is very REAL, and has many Problems, like many teenage girls, and boys- alike, face. but, since it’s Fiction- it is over put, and described more dramatically, for effect. Huh-Huh, C;mon Kellen, you’re supposed to be a wannabe Writer. i’m almost sure you’re secretyl jealous of Meyer or something!!
AND don’t even DARE say that Edward has no personality. and that he is too ‘perfect’. he has the most flaws, of all the characters. he is the most troubled, and he is haunted by the demons because of his immortality. Hardly perfect, and he isnt your typical ‘bad boy’ is he? Since when do Bad boys run around saving peoples lives?
and I don’t honesly see where you are going with the whole, him always saving Bella’s live- why wouldnt he do that, he is in love with her!
Yes, Edward is DESCRIBED, as utterly Breathtakingly beautiful (Ya-da,yada, yaadaa) but, bear in mind that, the books are in BELLA’S POINT OF VIEW- therefore, she is so in love with him – she see’s past all flaws. as with anyone, when you are IN LOVE, you don’t mind your other half’s faults- infact, that makes them all the more dear to you, and you love them even more.
Bella is what Edward waited centuries for, and when he found her he was confused for a while, he was alone for so long, but she opened him up, broke down the walls he had build around himself, and made him feel more human than he’d ever felt in his exsistance, before he was changed. OF COURSE, he is going to be overprotective, of his ’savior’ ( she saves him in many ways too) because when he’s with her, he is.. more alive than he’s ever felt. and he couldnt bear to live without her in his life. she is his life, and they are soulmates.
simply, brilliant characters, and simply beautiful writing.
FOUR: Ensure that your heroine and hero’s relationship is abusive. – read above. Kellan, Love.
FIVE: There should be no plot- Read them again, and stop expecting Harry Potter the second.
Twilight -Forbidden love
New Moon-Lost love
Eclipse- choices.
the running theme- Bella’s Mortality- wanting to be with Edward Forever, and also wanting to be completly sure that is what’s best for her.Jacob black provides interesting conflict, and New moon is Meyer’s most raw, most beautiful, work YET. Eclipse, long winded, but worth it, we hear about Rosalie, and Jasper, and how they came to be, and we get to see some Inner turmoil with Bella, and her decison : Life, or death- but which is which?
Forever.
SIX: Profit- Well, any brilliant, compelling, wonderfully done Book, would rake in the rewards. Any profit made, Ms.Meyer deserves. because her books are so loved, so precious, and so big, all over the world.
Go raibh mile, mile, maith agut, a chara.
slan go foil.
Oh dear lord, you’re at it again.
Have you any life?
and this was not a good article
IT SUCKED, and not in a good way.
You don’t like the series- FINE!
get over it!!
Almost everyone else- minus your ‘fans’ ( who are probably all YOU anyways)
Loves the series, and KNOWS THAT IT MAY NOT BE THE GREATEST BOOK IN THE WORLD- NOBODY EVER SAID IT WAS.
PLEASE, JUST STOP THIS, IT’S CHILDISH, AND NEEDLESS.
and I feel Hurt for Stephenie Meyer- you’re hatred towards her is not needed. Just Butt Out and go and Write you’re novel- Look forward to seeing it on the New york Times Best seller list- and Knocking HP off the charts.
=)
FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY!
damm It woman, just SHUT UP.
I don’t care if i sound like an immature fangirl, when Infact I am 18,
I loved everything about the books, because of how EASY they are to read- no big words needed, and just heartwarming, compelling PROSE, and just really good plot lines- that make you keep reading on and on- even if you don’t want to.
Theese books- stay with you, long after you’ve turned the final page- as all of us know- INCLUDING YOU, KELLEN RICE!
so yes, I hope you are reading all the comments.
You’re useless attempt at Sarcasm, was PATHETIC.
completly UNCALLED FOR.
I’m not here to cuss at you, or make a fool of myself
TWILIGHTERS are a SMART, Unique, awesome bunch of people, and you clearly can’t see that- ,you need to really GROW UP,
and just live your life, and stop trying to bring everyone down.
That Is All.
Oh and TWILIGHT SERIES, FTW.
(=)
PEACE
UMM.. I really don’t know what to say.
i don’t know if i’m a huge Twilight fan or not, but I have read all the books, and I didnt hate them, or Really love them either.
I just think this article was pants. Really and totally Horrible.
I mean- C’mon, woman, have you got something else to be doing with your ‘precious time’. like sending hate mail to Meyer?
you do know that even if she reads this pathetic Blog you’ve wrote- she won’t have a care in the world.. because she knows how much loved she is by all her fans- and THAT, is all that matters, really.
she has MORE fans than you have, or will ever have.
I think this is just a little case of the green-eyed monster.
Grow up.
=)
I’m not even going to comment.
This article was the WORST THING i’ve ever read. EVER.
and I can’t imagine what one of your ‘books’ will be like.
All about Politics, and Feminism.
Where is the interest in that?
Teenagers were absorbed by the twilight series, because of how much it appeals to them, it may not be fanatastically writtter- who said it was? It’s fiction, and it’s A BOOK SERIES, not the be all- and end of things. you upset ALOT of twilight fans in your last post- and some may have made fools of themselves- but only because they were provoked by you- how dare you think that you can spout off like this. I’m sure you are just jealous.
I really laughed at your terrible sarcasm, especially your stupid pun on Isabella Swan’s Name- ‘ the beautiful swan,- get it, ha, ha,’ you said. what the Hell?! you think that is funny?
I laugh at you.
I don’t care if you got alot of fans from your posts, people wanting to have your babies, people adoring you. all you wrote is spitful, horrid, shit.
and I will end on a smile, like all the other anti- Rice fans have.
=)
Seth
Dear Ms Kellen Rice.
I am a mother of twins, Tasha, and Harriet, who are 16.
a few years ago, they became obsessed with theese little red&black books.
One was ‘twilight’.
I at first, thought they were reading some ghastly adam&eve story- because of the coverart, and i was concerned.
Nothing could have prepared me for what they told me, when i questioned what they were reading.
A girl, that falls in love with a Vampire?
I can tell you, i nearly fell down through the floor,
I read the blurb, and I was sickened . ‘alluring Edward cullen, who harbours a dark secret’ ‘unconditonally in love with him’
I’m sorry i don’t have direct quotes- oh my! Fangirls and Boys are going to egg me!! (ha, ha!)
I did not see the draw- for my girls, or any other girls for that matter, but even so.
A while after- New moon was laying around my house- and suddenly my twins were getting moppy and soppy.. Tasha even weeped while reading the book out on the lawn one day- I couldnt imagine why, but when asked, she just said, ‘ i can’t believe he did that to her’. So, of course, I imagined the worst again- Vampire biting His human girlfriend? perhaps.. But when i even mentioned that, I was almost Attacked by Harriet, my other girl.
Of course She informed that Dear Edward Cullen, left Poor Bella Swan. I don’t know why, but the girls were deeply moved by NEW MOON, and both of them were weepy all through.
Not a very normal thing, theese books are like some kind of Drug, to kids.
then, Eclipse arrived in our House, and the girls were in joyous sprits. Both of them were finished by midnight, and Jumping around in excitment for the next installment ‘Breaking dawn’.
I still couldnt Understand, even when They explained it to me in plain english- which i’m sure- this series is written in.
So, I decided to read them myself.
I read the three books in one wook, slow i guess, but I savoured it.
I couldnt help myself from swooned, from sweating, from panicing, all through TWILIGHT, and once i was done, I ripped my way through New Moon, and I must admit, even as A grown Woman, with 5 kids, that I shed more than a little tear, when Edward Left Bella In The Forest, the girls have told me the perfect song to play there would be ‘The scientist’ and since I’m a huge coldplay fan myself, I couldnt think of anything more moving.
I Read Eclipse, and I was almost saying that theese are the best books i have ever read- and the best for the teenagers around- they teach them so much
to Love, to care, and to know that True love- waits. and that Friendship is very important, and that Family too.
The cullen family, are the greatest Example in Litrature, of Compassion, and are still, Vampires. each one of them, I felt care for each one of them- Esme&Carlisle more than the others.
The novels, may not be the best written, or the best ever read, but they are so loved by many, and so compelling, that it does not matter!
I Cannot understand your Grudge, miss Writer, and I’m sorry.
this Article, was not nice.
There is no need to insult the Books,because either you like it or not- Teenagers will always remember theese books, just like we will always remember reading ‘Wuthering Heights’ or Any of Austen’s Novels, my favourite Being ‘Manfield Park’, Even if it’s supposedly the least popular of her works.
I know, you were insulted that Meyer had mentioned all theese legendary novelists in her writer, But I have her to thank- My girls took an interest in Austens work after reading the series, and Even read all her works, Tasha- disliked them for many reasons- hard to grasp for her, but Harriet- found them wonderful- and counts them as her favourite.
Tasha, however- Loved Bronte’s work, Wuthering heights, as i said, is just one of the books you will never forget.
How I wish I could write a novel, that would be as popular as Meyer’s, and As Good as Austens.
The difference is- Writing has changed now- people like different things – teenagers these days are Growing up far to quickly.. and the Twilight series, i think, teaches them something completly new- To follow your heart- like Bella did. To know that True love is out there- that Gentlemen like Edward excist- maybe only rarely now- but that Girls deserve to be loved like that.
even if, at times it’s all consuming.
I’m not sure if i waffled my way through my comment, But i just had that to say.
I hope, Ms Rice, you read all of your comments, and Listen to us, like we have listened to you.
My verdict of the series- It is wonderful, and not at the same time.
But your arguments were Moot.
and Untrue.
Elenour Bradshaw,
London
I love how you all find the need to say things such as “bite me” and “grow up.”
Now, now, folks, this is where I’ll use your own line against you. “If you didn’t like the first one, why’d you read the rest?” or “What gives you any right to bash SMeyer’s (in this case Kellen Rice’s stuff)?”
Well, I know the answer to the latter. However, I really am curious to know why you came and read this article with a close mind, just like the last one. If you don’t come with an open mind, then don’t expect to get anything from reading an article like this except for maybe anger and sadness. Maybe if you all had come with an open mind to read this, then you might have found it slightly comical. Agreed with it? Probably not. But humorous? Definately.
Now, normally I would write a response replying to a few people. But for right now I’m just going to leave this.
Whoever you are, you win solely for referencing The Dark Knight and shredding Stephenie Meyer in one fell swoop. “Magic pencil trick” indeed – high five!
Your articles made me laugh so much. They saved me a lot of time and money, too. Hahaha
Okay. So this is how you Twilight-haters are portraying Twilight:
BPOV-I tripped while entering the bathroom I shared with her father. Somehow the carpet was arranged perfectly so that when I slipped, I was able to stop myself just before landing with my head bashed into the bathtub. I did a quick check of myself before standing up to brush my hair. My plain, boring, dreary, lackluster brown hair. I caught sight of myself in the mirror, with my pale skin, wishing that it was a different type of pale. The pale of the gorgeous Cullens, who were perfect in every way. Ah, Edward Cullen was especially amazing, stunning, and excellent in all things possible. And he was my boyfriend, even though I was extremely undeserving of him. I tried to think of any fictional character that came anywhere near to Edward in amazingness, because Edward was really spectacular. But I couldn’t think of anyone. Maybe that was just because it had been several months since I’d read a book. Not since I had first met Edward. But it’s not like any of them cared enough about the person they loved to forbid her to go somewhere where she had been stalked. He was so amazing.
EPOV-I watched Bella from behind her shower curtain. It was so amazing watching her. When I realized she was about to fall I adjusted the carpet to help her. If only I knew what she was thinking. Though then I might not love her so much. But who knew why we loved each other? Man it was so fun watching her when she wasn’t aware of it.
Okay. Sorry if I exaggerated. But that’s what you all make it seem like Twilight is.
I cannot believe these fans are still trying to bash you, Kellen, and call you jealous. What is there to be jealous of? So what if Meyer has a lot of money and fans. So does Stephen King and he’s a way better writer than Meyer. So what if Kellen wrote this article in a very sarcastic tone (which is just awesome, by the way). She has all the write in the world to write this article. And all the stupid fans that commented her last article and sent her emails gave her even more of a right. Some of you fans are just awful and I’m seriously glad that none of my friends really love the series as much as you guys do. I wouldn’t stand to be around them.
Kellen, you so should write about that Twilight movie when it comes out. I would absolutely love to read your thoughts on it since I know I’m not going to see it.
A brilliant piece of literary analysis.
Thank you.
Awesome, I loved both your articles. A few weeks back I stayed with a friend who had the first book due to her job. I just wanted to give it a look and see if it is really as bad as she and a lot of other people said it was. I found out it was worse. I admire your determination for reading through it you are a brave soul.
After reading through the first chapters, I could not understand the appeal of either character. Bella struck me as the most bland, boring and stupid protagonist (oh wait, the telepath from the Harris novel’s is a tad bit more stupid ) that I read in a while. Even the last Christopher Pike novel I read was better than that. (Remember Me) And what’s up with her focusing in on Edward, who behaves like a rude ass to her and then suddenly shows up with this “Oh we really should not see each other *angst* *angst* How about tomorrow?” How can anyone not be insulted by this?
I love you.
I LOVE vampire books. I snatch them up as quickly as I can find them. Somehow, the existence of these books eluded me until the hype for the last book’s release started. I eagerly checked them out on Amazon to see what they were about.
Then I read the description. Teenage vampires? Yeah, not my thing.
But then I saw an interview with the author on TV, and thought, well, why not? I mean, I like Laurell K. Hamilton, fer cryin’ out loud, so how bad could teenage vampires be?
Dear God. It was drivel. Absolute drivel. Thankfully, I stopped at the first book, because I now know just how bad they get.
Now, I don’t begrudge the author for her hack writing or most of the fans for their guilty pleasures. I have my own (see LKH above). But the one thing I cannot understand is the need for the fangirls to attack anyone who dares criticize this “masterpiece” of teenage angst. It’s a book. Not everyone is going to like it. If you don’t like what someone has to say, it’s best to just ignore it. Hit the back button. Stay in communities where your opinions are shared.
In other words, get a freaking life.
Ms. Rice, your reviews and follow-up made me laugh. And made me ever so thankful I did, indeed, stop with book 1.
the angry reviews by two dudes made me laugh.i had no idea guys liked twilight! great article again. if you don’t like your precious series being criticized then don’t read it, crazed fans!
I absolutely love this! What a relief to see that there are sane, logical and UNDELUDED people in this world!
I will sleep easier tonight, knowing that I am not the only person that thinks Stephanie Meyer’s books are a pathetically transparent attempt to manipulate hormonal young girls into wasting time, money and brain cells on that utter trash that she calls literature.
phew!
What I keep noticing is that the so-called “defenders” of these terrible books fail to actually defend them. They set out claiming that they will, but what they do instead is attack Ms. Rice personally.
Ms. Rice’s criticisms of the books are spot-on, and I haven’t yet read any of the defenders providing examples of the books’ superlative characterization, usage, or plot. Point me please to a specific passage that you contend is well written. Then you can say you’ve “defended” the books.
Also, since I don’t need to have my world view validated in the books I read, I don’t require that they be filled with positive role models. That said, finding fault with a “romance” that centers on an incredibly abusive relationship doesn’t make me a feminazi.
Wowwww
U rock!!
Oh my God, marry me. <3
well at the begining you said that you have no right to critize stephanie meyer, but as I keep reading your article I notice that –maybe not done intentionally–that you point out all the bad things that stephanie has done wrong.
I’m no fan and everyone has different oppinions.
there are people who “love” twilight and people who don’t but we have no right to go telling people what sucks and whats great.
Destinee,
The entire article was sarcastic.
Hey Rock Star I think you are in the process of writing a bestselling how to book…congratulations.
I love you.
1. Abuse thersaurus
2. Abuse characters.
3.Ignore research.
4. ????
5. Profit!
Bonus points for Pencil Trick.
Also, from some chick above:
“All about Politics, and Feminism.
Where is the interest in that?”
LOL.
Yes, strong heroines are very boring.
Also, Alyssa:
That’s pretty much exactly what Twilight is.
Amazing. You got it exactly right. You captured everything that Twilight is. A+++ for you. : )
Mada-
Perhaps the later books, but in the actual Twilight book, there’s much more.
Dear Student Writer,
It seems that a spoon of your own medicine is not going down so well. I am horrified! That which you claim as a right for you and your sympathizers cannot be given to others. Let me show you some comments from some adults (not teenagers) in this blog and this is because I expressed a different opinion than yours
Dollywood:
Oh and I can’t believe married women with kids like this. Really? LOL that’s the most pathetic thing I have ever heard. What is WRONG with you???
Paint_it_pink:
While I’ve laughed at all the other crazed twelve year olds’ posts, I am more disgusted by yours. At least they have the potential to grow and learn.
You? You are an adult and you’re revealing yourself to be as big of a self-deluding idiot as they rest of them.
So no foul language? How about we revise that rule to no F_ing stupidity. I edited the “f” word, she didn’t.
Paint_it_pink:
I just said your opinion was stupid
You are worried, so you say, about the message a fictional book is presenting to young girls and you choose to dismiss the messages and examples of adults in real life.
Freedom of speech? From your first opinion piece I could see your true colors, and I wrote that you will only agree with people that have a bad opinion of the Twilight Saga. You proved me right.
“And what about all of those who agree with me?” Yes, what about them? It didn’t seem to bother you that the mob that thinks like you, hacked website sites that are sympathetic to the twilight readers and I, might add, private websites that were minding their own businesses.
“To figure out why the books were inspiring legions of fans and a dozen fan-sites (including the recently hacked Twilight Lexicon)”
And that was your comment; I guess you didn’t see anything wrong with the mob-like actions of these people.
Okay, now as a public service to aspiring bloggers, I offer my take on:
How to write a “book review” just like Kellen Rice.
The key is to choose a recognized published author’s book, so you can attract as much attention as possible to your own obscure writing.
1. Identify any anti- feminist undertones with female characters. If there are none, create them. Remember, all women should always be portrayed as Über females. She cannot be tripping, inadequate, or uncomfortable.
2. Micro-analyze every redeeming quality in the book and manipulate to reveal any conspiratorial, political and subliminal messages.
3. If the book is coming across like the hero might be a man, immediately search for any trace of abusive behavior. You might not find it, doesn’t matter –THE HERO IS A MALE! Even if the book is portraying a mythological creature with some powers that humans don’t have.
Examples: Eduard Cullen is a vampire with a body as hard as marble i.e., strong. Extremely handsome so in conscience he should be identified as the abuser, because of his looks or anything that you can come up with.
4. Writing the Opinion: Be as condescending as you possible can to anybody that likes the book. Show them that you are the Elite person and you are going to save them from themselves because they don’t know what is best for them. Never mind that they never asked you to save them.
Example:
“What’s worse is that so few seem to realize it”. Translation: I am the only one that sees the light. I am educated; you are not.
6. Plot: Single out minor and nonexistent ‘plot holes’ in an attempt to validate your opinion. In that way you sound like a respectable literature student.
7. Research: Go to all the websites that didn’t like the book, or don’t like the author and have launch hate discrediting campaign against the author’s motives, books, etc… then regurgitate the information; keep repeating it like a broken record.
8. Profit? No way, go pro bono. That way you can claim to be an unbiased, disinterested party whose only interest is the love of literature and the well-being of adolescent females. I am sure Ms Keller Rice does that when she writes her condescending opinion pieces.
My final recommendation is, be very selective on what author or book you are trying to destroyed, we only look for the authors that have achieved and continue to have fame, even though they didn’t follow a feminist pattern.
Thank you for reading
@ a zuniga
“That which you claim as a right for you and your sympathizers cannot be given to others. Let me show you some comments from some adults (not teenagers) in this blog and this is because I expressed a different opinion than yours”
Are you kidding? You’re attacking Rice because of something people who AGREED with her said? How the hell can she possibly control what other people happen to write? And why are you not so indignant over the hundreds–literally hundreds–of hateful, ignorant messages from YOUR side? Yet two people say two things which you find offensive and yet, because they’re Antis, that’s worse than the hundreds of fans who were screaming at Rice? Give me a fucking break (Oh no, I spelled it out! How naughty of me!) and can you say ‘double standard’ much??
“You are worried, so you say, about the message a fictional book is presenting to young girls and you choose to dismiss the messages and examples of adults in real life.”
Her articles were about BOOKS, not people. What indication did she give that she didn’t care about real-life bad messages? And how do you know that those two rude, nasty, meanies were adults anyway? Honestly, you’re attacking this woman based on NOTHING other than the fact that she said some stuff you disagree with.
““And what about all of those who agree with me?” Yes, what about them? It didn’t seem to bother you that the mob that thinks like you, hacked website sites that are sympathetic to the twilight readers and I, might add, private websites that were minding their own businesses.
“To figure out why the books were inspiring legions of fans and a dozen fan-sites (including the recently hacked Twilight Lexicon)”
And that was your comment; I guess you didn’t see anything wrong with the mob-like actions of these people.”
Her comment didn’t indicate one way or the other how she felt about the hacked Lexicon. If anything, it just shopeople are crazy people are over the series and that’s probably part of the reason she decided to read the books in the first place. And FYI, the Lexicon was hacked by a FAN of the series who didn’t like that the Lexicon was limiting freedom of speech. So get your fucking facts right.
“1. Identify any anti- feminist undertones with female characters. If there are none, create them. Remember, all women should always be portrayed as Über females. She cannot be tripping, inadequate, or uncomfortable.”
Did you even READ either of her first articles? Let me know, because I’ll be more than happy to identify the sexist messages of the books.
“Micro-analyze every redeeming quality in the book and manipulate to reveal any conspiratorial, political and subliminal messages.”
‘redeeming quality’? What are you talking about? As far as I know (I read the article a few days ago) she mentioned Jacob as the only good thing and then talked about how she didn’t like his change in personality in the subsequent books. How is that ‘micro-analyzing’ something?
“point three about Edward and abusive behavior”
Let’s list a few of Edward’s abusive actions which Rice supposedly “manipulated” or whatever the fuck you were saying.
- he removes the engine from her truck, preventing her from seeing her friend
- he has his sister kidnap her… again to prevent her from seeing the werewolves.
- he flat-out tells her that he’s ‘going to stop her’ if she tries to go see them. he blatantly tries to control who Bella sees.
- he tries to abort her baby, even though she obviously doesn’t want to.
- he pimps her out to Jacob.
tell me how it’s supposedly ‘man-hating’ to be uncomfortable with those things?
“4. Writing the Opinion: Be as condescending as you possible can to anybody that likes the book. Show them that you are the Elite person and you are going to save them from themselves because they don’t know what is best for them.”
I’m not even going to touch this one, except to say that she has the right to present an opinion. She wrote it provocatively, sure, but i think it’s a far cry from condescending. moot point, it’s subjective I guess.
“6. Plot: Single out minor and nonexistent ‘plot holes’ in an attempt to validate your opinion. In that way you sound like a respectable literature student.”
‘minor and nonexistent’ plot holes? Are you kidding? If you’re referring to Nessie, then if you want I’ll talk about how she’s a result of bad writing and one giant fucking plot hole.
“Research: Go to all the websites that didn’t like the book, or don’t like the author and have launch hate discrediting campaign against the author’s motives, books, etc… then regurgitate the information; keep repeating it like a broken record.”
I’m confused about this. Where did you get that idea?
“Profit? No way, go pro bono. That way you can claim to be an unbiased, disinterested party whose only interest is the love of literature and the well-being of adolescent females. I am sure Ms Keller Rice does that when she writes her condescending opinion pieces.”
Why else would she write these articles if she didn’t like good literature and feels strongly about its bad messages? Your last point makes no sense.
“My final recommendation is, be very selective on what author or book you are trying to destroyed, we only look for the authors that have achieved and continue to have fame, even though they didn’t follow a feminist pattern.”
If you read this article, you know that she has a lot of other problems with the books aside from the anti-feminist message. Re: bad writing, bad characters, abusive relationship, lack of research, etc.
@ A Zuniga
You know, I’m a fan but I am disappointed in your post. I don’t completely agree with Kellen Rice, but she does make some valid points, points that I thought about myself when reading the books. I agree (without all the profanity) with sparkle_motion that it is completely unfair and very much a double standard for you to have a fit about two people who agreed with the writer and weren’t completely perfectly behaved, when you didn’t seem to care (you even “dismiss”) about the actions of the crazy fans who insulted her.
The books aren’t perfect, you know, and even if she exaggerated a tiny bit here or there her points are still valid. Does that make me not a ‘true fan’ because I don’t like every single word in the series? Part of being a fan is understanding the book’s faults and liking it anyway. The fact that you’re an adult and you’re just refusing to see anything possibly negative about them is extremely immature.
I’m ashamed that you’re representing us.
Bravo!
You said it all.. no further comments needed!!
I’ve finally finished reading all the comments and the entire article, and I applaud you for writing such a wonderful piece. Though I don’t really see the need for the commentors/defenders-of-twilight to post comments that border on rudeness.
Perhaps some of us have to reexamine our values and the way we speak. Things said online can be easily misinterpreted, and it isn’t going to be good for anyone.
Not to mention, you may love Twilight. Others dislike and some even hate it. But we are entitled to our own opinions, and it is not nice at all to slam others for their opinions.
Besides, fans of Twilight who post such rude comments are only going to drag the reputation of polite Twilight fans into the mud.
you no what..
i dont feel sorry for meyer like many others have said.
i feel sorry for you!! no offence but attention seeking much?
Meyers books are the best thing thats ever happende to me, i use to be an E grade student but my friends got me on to this book and now my english grades are at an average of B!!
i honestly think that your pathetic attempt to scrutinise the book was all just a show! you only want people to recognise you! to think that your writing is better than SM’s.. well FYI FUCKING GET OVER IT!! SO YOU HAVE A REALLY BAD, PATHETIC AND DISCUSTING ATTEMPT OF AN OPINION DOESNT MEAN YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO WRITE FUCKING RIDICULES ARTICLE THAT IS TRYING TO RUIN THE TWILIGHT SAGA FOR EVERY ONE!!
and your dumb little fan club (who are probably are really stuck up and only think about themselves) are probably jelous of the seris. cause no one is paying attention to them any more. WELL BOO BLOODY WHOO!! FUCKING GET OVER YOURSELVES, THINKING THAT YOUR SO GOOD BECAUSE YOU CAN WRITE AN ARTICLE (which hardly anybody is going to read) ABOUT A BEST SELLER! FUCKING PATHETIC!!
so wot really is your point?
you are such a bad person! Meyer wrote the book for HERSELF!! she didnt write it for people to analyse every singl flaw in it!! many other authors have written books for themselves (i know i have) and people haven’t written articles about how they have really bad writing. they arent best sellers but to me they are! most books are better if they are written for themselves instead of an audiance!!
and some of you think that people who have read Twilight are going to think that their goal in life is supposed to be finding the perfect guy instead of finding a career that would actually contribute to society. well your wrong IT’S A FUCKING BOOK! TEENAGE GIRLS MINDS ARENT LOCKED ON ONE THING!! sure we are all trying to find the perfect guy, but we are all trying to find the perfect job aswell!! THATS Y WE GO TO SCHOOL AND COLLAGE!!
i could rant on all day about how you are so pathetic and YOU are morally corrupted for trying to make people analyse every single flaw in the book but i actually have a life (unlike some of us!! *cough cough Kellen Rice*) FUCKING GET A LIFE!!! DUMB ASS!
SOME ONE WHO HAS A BRAIN, A HEART AND A PASSION FOR BOOKS!! ,
Ah, this shall be interesting.
Yes, anyone who writes an article or anything at all is seeking attention. That makes a lot of sense, because it isn’t enough to just write to write or critique something, the any writer is obviously just starved for attention.
I don’t think SMeyer popped out of her books and whispered answers so you could get better marks on your tests. What I believe is that you just weren’t applying yourself before. Learn not to give some terrible author your credit; give it to yourself.
Do you seriously think Kellen Rice sat down and went: WOE IS ME I’M NOT AS GOOD AS SMEYER LET ME WRITE AN ARTICLE BASHING IT!!!!?
No, it’s called having a valid opinion and expressing it because of, let me repeat this for all of you twihards, FREEDOM OF SPEECH.
My goodness, sometimes you all act like censoring communists.
Yup, I’m definately stuck up. I’m so stuck up that I think, no, KNOW, that every human is inconceivably shallow and not worth paying attention to. Man, that saids a lot like your Edward.
Man, you really seem to think that everyone is jealous of SMeyer and that we never get any attention in our lives.
Last time I checked I have loving family and friends. So, I’m good. How about you guys, other antis? Is there a big gaping hole in your life that is making you hate a poorly written book?
Also, I don’t think that Rice thinks she’s above everyone else just because she can write an article.
What’s really pathetic is how upset you got over just one little review that you keep saying nobody will read.
If SMeyer wrote the book for herself, then why did she publish it? The moment you publish a book it is in the open for the public to analyze, critique, etc.
That’s false, you need to understand your audience in order to write a good book. Because if they’re your audience, that means that you ARE NOT writing a book for YOURSELF but your AUDIENCE.
You obviously have no idea how easily the teen mind is molded. Just take one quick glance at your comment, put yourself aside, and tell me that it looks healthy to you.
How is she corrupt for expressing her opinions and discussing problems with a book?
I believe that it is YOU who is morally corrupt for telling us all to be mindless sheep and go with the flow.
Oscar Wilde is rolling in his grave.
And, honey, I suggest you reanalyze your life (If that’s not too corrupt for you) because you obviously need to work some things out.
HA!
lol im just so speachless!
NOT!!
you think im soo corrupt? HA!!
you think my life is shit? HA!!
just so u know…
i go to an excellent school, i have great friends, great parents who love me and i am a teenager so im pretty sure i know how other teens minds work
and yes i did put effort into my work before the book i just didn’t know english if that makes sense. reading has helped that. and yes i do give credit to Meyer for it. she wrote a fantastic book and ur to cryticle.
so i over reacted but i still stand by my other comment!!
and if you did ur research she did write the book for herself.
so maybe YOU should reanalyse your comment….. and life!!
BTW i never sed she WAS better than SM i said she wants to be, obviously because y else would she waste her time and read the books even tho she says its a waste of time yet she still finished reading the series and then wrote 2 articles on y they are pathetic and the worst books ever!!
what make you think edward is shallow? i dont. have you ever been in love? obviously not!! and you all obviously dont have imaginations!!
Well, I have to say that the two articles were very well written. I’m an English major too, but I am not here to bash the books. While your articles were very convincing, I am torn as to whether the Twilight series is bad or not. I’ve been analyzing the books and the comments on this site for an hour because I just finished reading the series over the last week. However, while I find the books to not be the best written, I was enthralled in the story of the characters…and appalled at moments and by the last book’s weak ending. I am torn between viewing Bella as a weak, co-dependent female who may not really be a good heroine or role model for young readers. On the other hand, she made her own choices, and while they were not strong/feminist choices, they were still her own choices. Marriage and having babies and a family is obviously traditional, but does that make her a weak person or just not well developed? The books are all about the freedom of the characters to choose their own destiny, and for Bella, Edward was hers- even if I disagree with SM’s writing quality, use of adjectives, and the lack of plot at some points. I could go on and analyze Bella or Edward or SM’s choices like the birthing scene…but the thing I will hand to SM is how she “crafted” a seemingly simple story that has caused so much controversy. Again, I am torn over hating or loving the series, and maybe that was SM’s point. To have readers debate over what really influences their feelings. Maybe she wanted to end her love story happily, but maybe at the same time she wanted to piss people off. I’m pissed off that there was no battle scene at the end of BD and the end was anti-climatic. But I was happy everything worked out albeit in a very weird manner. Either way, long live free speech and healthy debates.
You, my fellow writer, have layed out exactly what this books are about -what fanfictioners call-: A Mary Sue. And the final proof of it is that teenagers all around the world identify themselves with the main female character and take it personally when someone gives this kind of criticism to what they consider is a “portrayal of [their]lives”
No wonder all of them want to be clumsy. Like tripping on your own feet is the most fun in the world!
Not.
I’m sad to say
You proved nothing there.
I enjoy your wittiness and sarcasm, however I do believe that shooting down a writer’s style is just not a way to say “Look here, everyone! I’m COMPLETELY right!”
Because in almost every situation, especially this one, NO ONE is completely correct. There are reasons why the series is GREAT and why it is HORRIBLE.
I’m not going to argue about your content any more, it’s a wasted effort since everyone has already done it. But I am going to say that this particular post put me off of not the Series, but your writing, unfortunately.
The problem with the series for most people who have turned against it is the lat book, which is drivel. I can enjoy the first three for the escapist fluff they are, but the last one was just terrible. So I think we need to remember we’re only talking about Breaking Dawn here, and need to quit bringing up ther series as a whole. I wonder if we stay specific if things will go smoother.
But I still want to say I adored both articles, and think the writer nailed the situation down perfectly.
Essentially…the article is right. Every thing that’s hi-lighted is a flaw. IF YOU DON’T MIND THAT then there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! If you enjoy purple prose – more power to you! You’re enjoying yourself! That’s a GOOD thing!
….but it doesn’t make it any less purple…
But mostly I’m amused by the people that seem to think that criticism is somehow evil. Why is Twilight so special that it can’t be subject to being scrutinized by others?
“Review Stephen King’s new book if you must, but LEAVE MEYER ALONE! Can’t you see she’s suffering?” (This is, of course, an exaggeration…though it is defenitely the feeling that I get…) If you put it our there, people will read it. After they read it, they have opinions on it and share them, both for the benefit of the author and the audience. (And if you think articles like this have no benefit, there are two sides to every coin)
Let’s get something straight here: EVERYTHING is flawed. There is not a single scrap of the written word that is perfect. Ever. Anywhere. And there’s nothing wrong with pointing out these flaws. If someone doesn’t, in fact, enjoy purple prose, they now know to avoid it. But if someone looks at is and says “hey, I’ve got no problem with that” they know they can tolerate it. And perhaps the writer did not intend for it to be quite this way, but is too close to the work and can’t see it. Perhaps they will evolve rather than spinning their wheels uselessly forever.
…I’m concerned. A true fan would acknowledge this lack of perfection. (and a couple on this blog have – I applaud you!) What is it that has Twilight fans sticking their fingers in their ears and refusing to hear a bad word?
Let me compare this to one of my favorite painters…Rembrandt. He only used one woman for his nude paintings, his wife. And he painted every flaw on her body. And she was BEAUTIFUL. Because he loved everything about her, including her flaws.
If you’re going to love it – love it. But don’t get upset when someone’s thoughts differ. The points raised are legitimate.
To Hanna:
Hanna you have a right to feel anyway you want to, just let me clarify that I never said that the books were perfect, I never agreed with either side using vulgarity, foul language of insulting other for their opinions, so you are wrong about that. I don’t care about a definition of a fan I don’t think I will call myself a fan. I like the books and enjoyed the series. You don’t know enough about me to tell me that I refuse to see the other side. I see it when is done the correct way, using common sense. Would you agree with me that Rice opinions are condescending? Everything in the books is bad and everything as a bad message. Even you will notice that, don’t you? If you haven’t notice the book police are knit picking every little thing to make it a big deal, Even though I read the books and like them, the book police has to tell you “everything you missed” and why you should not like it. Is up to you to decide what you like and dislike, I am not trying to convinced anyone, but I like the same courtesy.
And Hanna please keep in mind that what I posted is my own opinion. I posted an answer to Ms Rice, and I don’t represent anybody.
To Hanna
I don’t know if you are here know, if you want to reply ,I will come back latter and check. I do have other responsabilities that need my attention
YEAH YOU TELL THEM!!!!! This article made me laugh, you are SO completely right. I never could understand why 98% of Earth’s teenage female population worship Stephenie Meyer and the Twilight series when it’s just like… fanfiction. Fantasy galore fanfiction that a thirteen year old girl could write.
Wow.
You know its one level of not having a life to start a fan club.
Its a whole new level if you have to time to start an anti club.
Anti broccoli club here I come!
… wow…. that actually helped me grasp Twilight’s [none existent] story line… [finally someone who shares my opinion ^-^ YAAAAAY *does happy dance*]
I would just like to point out one itty bitty little thing, or rather ask one little question. Why is everyone bashing a series of books that has finally got kids/teenagers reading? So many of the teens in this world are turning to electronics rather than books, thus losing all the knowledge that one gains from reading, such as grammar and vocabulary. So what if SM’s books are not amazing and top quality? So what is she repeats words? She has managed to get millions, maybe billions, of kids reading again.
Why would you want to stop that?
Despite being a Twilight fan, I found this really amusing.
It was a great way to start off my day, and I thank you for writing this xD
I love you so much. O.O
You have put into words what I could not: Meyer’s writing sucks and so do her non-existant plots.
I…clap my hands at you Ms.Rice. This is genius! It describes all my feelings on this book and author. The Lord has bless me with someone who understands my view!
Thank You!
P.S. You are my hero!
Although I do like the Twilight saga… I found this article to be amazing. After reading it, it makes perfect sense. These were things that were bothering me as I read the books and I’m glad I’m not alone.
But a last, I do like the books, although I personally would have given it a real plot.
BTW did anyone but me notice that the movie trailer shows mostly the part with the attempted plot on it… I just thought I would point this out.
This is brilliant. I am, at the moment, swamped in school reading in addition to Book Club reading. Not surprisingly, one of the books for Book Club is Twilight. (What can I say – my friends are weird.) I have, as of yet, read about five pages, but I have noticed several of the stylistic elements you talked about (111 murmers?! Good God!) As I have not read the books, I hesitate in commenting definitively, but your comments seem dead on, if any of what I’ve heard of the “plot” is true. It’s rather sad, but they are also applicable to other works I’ve seen, both literary and theatrical. I’m glad you pointed out the dynamics of the relationship between a heroine and hero in such pieces.
Also, I think I’m going to start using the word “fictionous.”
Hm. I don’t see why people freak out over this? Just as they have every right to express their love for Twilight, so do you. Only in this case, you dislike it.
Ah. Besides, it really is horribly written. That coming from someone who dearly loved the first book. But ehh it went downhill from there.
You are genius. I mean, you just completely made my day with this article. When I first read the Twilight series I noticed the over use of words,the void were a plot should be and how completely stupid Bella Swan made teenage girls and young women out to be. I’m saddened over the fact that people have put this book on their Book Club lists, when it has so many writing errors. It’s obvious this article was thought through unlike the Twilight series. You hit the imperfections of the series dead on and I thank you for showing the world that these books aren’t exactly the best thing to read if you want to ever become a writer.
Yes! Best thing I have read all day.
Hate how Twilighters think Meyer is the new literary Jesus.
It sickens me.
Finally!!! You have no idea how long I’ve waited for someone, anyone, to do something like this, and maybe others have but I haven’t been fortunate enough to find them…
But I totally agree with you! My friends made me read the book and when I finished it I was “…this is it? I spent 3 days reading -this-?” I was really disappointed.
You were brilliant!!! Every word you said was the truth.
Though I enjoyed reading your article, there are some serious flaws. Probably the worst is your euqation between Orwell’s social criticism and youth literature. Even an over-all critique as yours should stay within the borders of genre. Also, compare the effect to (on?) the readers with Uncle Tom’s Cabin is just inadequate. Not only are the targeted readers totally different, but there has also been a serious change of literature’s importance, not only due to Twilight’s genre.
The next is – although it may be considered personal preference – the making up of historical and cultural or scientifical facts. Up to a certain degree, even so-called world literature messes with reality. Nothing is bad about just doing it, you can only discuss the quality and artistic justification of the results. (Which, I confess, I cannot judge in this particular case since I never read Twilight; neither did I Uncle Tom’s Cabin or one of Orwell’s books.)
Being a literature student myself I suggest, you should be more careful with your critiques – but I guess you just had fun writing this. Only keep in mind not to compare anything to high literature, which will usually result in false premises.
And sorry for my bad english.
HAHAHA Love it, nice review xD Although im thinkin of reading Twilight soon anyways
*standing ovation*
When you publish something, you risk being critisized. Ms. Rice made excellent points. These books lack plot, have some of the most horrible characters I’ve ever read, abuse the thesaurus, have a Mary Sue as a protagonist, read like badly written fanfiction and are certainly not the greatest thing ever written.
Guilty pleasure? First book? Of course. That doesn’t mean it can’t be critisized.
And to the people saying you need to publish a book before you can critisize something, give me a break. If that was true, critics wouldn’t exist.
If Meyer cannot accept the criticism, she shouldn’t have published them at all.
This article is fantastic.
Why do people argue over books XD ?
You like this, you don’t. OK. The end. no comment.
I like Twilight, but kinda lost the drive to read, I’m hoping to get back in XD. The book has it’s flaws but It’s not the worst book in the world.
hey Abby..You’re immature. “You’re not my mom..blah blah blah”
THis is the epitome of immaturity, thinking you don’t have to answer to anyone but your mom when you decide to get mouthy..Do that to a police officer.. The moment “You’re not my mom, I don’t have to listen to you.” comes out of your mouth, you’ll probably be arrested
But on Topic..i am not a fan of the Twilight Series..Haven’t even read it, but I’m not much of a reader anymore.. I do like Anne Rice, Piers Anthony, J.R.R. Tolkien, and Stephen King, though.
I’m a fantasy and sci-fi nut…sue me.
I laughed really hard after reading this, and guess what? I’m a Twilight fan!
Not all fans of the book are crazy obsessive, and I love how you managed to poke fun at the novel’s flaws. Cheers from the fans of Twilight who AREN’T mad that someone expressed their opinions!
Well, your article isn’t very nice, but then again, what is nice?
I don’t actually get why bash so much the books, since the way I see it, the fandom is the problem.
I’m not saying “WOW the books rock, they’re the best I’ve ever read!”, but sure enough they were fun, and after all, this is just a romance story.
Like a good friend of mine said: “The truth is somewhere at the middle.”
You don’t like it, but some do, it’s just a matter of opinion. And yours is different than the rest.
Thank you.
Well, I’m a fellow Twilight fan, but not like you would think. What Ms. Rice has written is absolutely true. Though I do really really really like the romance, Meyers writing is in need of improvement (severely), and Meyer just basically wrote something I’ve read before. Different characters, same bullshit. So thank you, Ms. Rice, for writing down what everyone else not Edward-obsessed was thinking and/or too lazy t o write. Take it from a sort-of fan, twilighters, it’s really not that good of a book, just something to keep my mind off the real world. Read a book called, “The Giver” or “Of Mice and Men”. Now THAT’S two WONDERFULLY written novels!
Love,
Trinky
*looks up at gabzilla* She’s fallen to the dark side… sigh.
Don’t get me wrong, I think this is totally hilarious and right in every respect. All of the characters talk the same way, minus Emmett and Jacob, who have some character potential. Edward is completely abusive. And the big words are annoying and useless.
Stephenie Meyer did do some research regarding Forks though (she lived there), but I really don’t know about anything else, so I can’t agree or disagree.
Anyway, you guys should lay off on the AUTHOR-hating. Even critics don’t make fun of the authors. Like I said, funny article, but you guys just have to cool it. Yes you suffer criticism when publishing a book, but that doesn’t give you guys a right to trash her ON PURPOSE.
I feel bad for Stephenie Meyer, and all of the anti-fans she’s pissed off. Despite a lack of plot, Twilight is fun to read. You shouldn’t analyze it, just say yay or nay. Don’t make fun of Stephenie Meyer, because it’s not fair to her. She didn’t mean to get you guys upset, she was just writing a book.
@Tom, grow a sense of irony, clearly it wasn’t a serious guide to writing a successful book. it was a critical device. and a rather clever one.
to those proponents who are saying it’s meant as entertainment, don’t take it so seriously – i think the fans take it more seriously than anyone else, they’re so defensive. (I find the “it’s entertainment” argument kind of funny, as if anything designed for entertainment is ontologically incapable of harm. I mean, if that were so, we wouldn’t need the fire department to monitor firework displays.)
meant as entertainment or not , it clearly has a very visceral effect on a lot of its fan-readers, most of whom are impressionable adolescent girls in the midst of developing a sense of self, especially self in relation to others and specifically self in relation to others sexually and romantically. The books present as ideal a borderline-Stockholm-syndrome relationship that is unhealthy on numerous levels. Moreover, their heroine (and don’t tell me Bella “wasn’t meant to be a role model”; fact is, she’s written as a proxy for the reader and I think the success of the books can largely be attributed to the ease with which readers can replace her with themselves. i don’t mean this necessarily as a criticism, but it’s a fact that girls will want to emulate her.) has no focus in life behind this relationship, no meaningful connection to anyone else.
*to Trink*
I didn’t like The Giver very much, but Of Mice And Men was really good. (off topic, I know… xDD)
To Quote Charlotte:
‘This was excellent. I’ve been hemming and hawing about reading. Had borrowed all of the books and they sit, waiting to be read…
I don’t believe I’ll waste my time. Now, don’t misunderstand, normally I would go ahead and read in order to form my own opinion, but frankly, I just don’t have the time to waste on something I instinctively wouldn’t touch.’
I intensely dislike ‘Twilight’, and I’ve repeatedly told my friends and family to stay away from those books, because I feel some horrible aura radiating off of it, something akin to when you pass by a terribly written fanfiction. I tend to listen to this warning, because it hasn’t failed me yet, but, no matter what i tell them, no one listens to me.
My older sister, who is usually a good person to go to for excellent books, decided that she was going to read this series. I believe that that choice is a perfect example of bad books happening to good people. Lo, and behold, she became addicted to the series, and the next time she went to Barnes & Nobles, she bought me ‘Twilight’ , completely regardless of the fact that I repeatedly told her to never let those hell books near me.
My friend also read the series, and I can no longer have an intelligent conversation with her, for her brain is now mush too.
Is it me, or does this series melt the brains of almost everyone that reads it? Not to mention the fact that both these intelligent people cannot tear themselves away from their precious ‘Twilight’ saga.
I feel like throwing up. Maybe it’s the influence of the first book sitting less than 6 feet away, on my dresser?
I need a torch. As well as a fire pit.
Thank you for writing this. You have saved my precious brain.
HAHHAHAHAHA
i think i died.
i LOVE the Twilight series and what not-
but jesus christ XD this was hilarious.
i sent it to all my friends who read Twilight, and they were like
LOLOLOL
i think this is funny and you’re damn cool to write it. i mean, all the Twilight fans hate you for your opinions, but you were like FUCKYOUDIE and wrote something against Twilight anyway.
you fucking rock. 8D
“*looks up at gabzilla* She’s fallen to the dark side… sigh.”
But that’s the side that has FUN!
I don’t see what’s wrong with criticizing her work or her writing abilities. Personal insults are a no-no, but just like I have to accept it when people criticize my work, she – as an adult – should learn to accept that not everyone is going to like her work and that her books are nowhere near perfect.
First of all: I’m a Twilight fan.
Oooo, run everyone. It’s a hard headed, childish, immature, Twilight fangirl!! D: ….Uh no.
Contrary to popular belief not all fans of Best Selling Books/Series are ‘hard headed, unreasonable, fangirls/boys’. Which is why I was able to look at your article and agree with some parts but also disagree with others. Ok, so you don’t like the series. Whatever, you know? I dont really know you so I dont care what you like. (Sorry if that sounds rude, just being truthful)
But the part that kind of bothered me is that instead of attacking the books a lot of people are attacking Stephenie Meyer. I was getting that vibe from your article, and it kinda put me off. Cause, you know, I don’t think she’s ever said or hinted that her books are perfect, yet in your article you make it sound like she could care less about her book and what people think of it.
Which I really dont believe is true. With any bestseller author, and even the ones that arent, there is publicity, and there is popularity, and there are opinions like yours. You think she doesn’t see these articles clinically breaking down and critizing not only her book but her WRITING in general? Do you know for a fact that she’s the kind of person who just slips out a story with money signs going off in her head and not a care in the world?
Personally, I think that unless you know her it is entirely too presumptions of people to assume to know what’s going on inside her head, and then to degrade her and drag her name through the mud.
I mean, if I wrote something bad of course I’d want to know people’s opinions- good and bad, but it doesn’t mean I want to hear things that are completely unhelpful like “You suck” or “How can you call yourself a writer?”
After all, doesn’t it all come back to “Do unto others as you want done unto yourself” ?
Then again, maybe that’s just me being a “hardheaded, unreasonable, childish, immature” Twilight fangirl.
Oh no! How dare you speak out against Twilight?! I mean, you couldn’t find better writing even if it was writen by God himself. They should start preaching from Twilight instead of the Bible! Especially when it comes to the roles of women and men in relationships xP
You ever notice how the connection between badly written books and open mouthed, excessively obsessed fans? Like sheep they follow one after another to feed off of bad literature, content in their happy little worlds but the minute the Big Bad Wolf comes along and points out that what they feed off of is old, moldy, rotten and potentially little more than a cheap rip off of truly good fiction they get really mad and turn into rampaging bulls.
I have already pretty much lost the ability to have a coherent literary discussion with two of my closest friends. They insist upon bringing up Twilight and become angry when I refuse to give it praise. *Sigh* and they were such intelligent people. Now one is in fact in an abusive relationship and the other is buying up every last slush pile vampire romance novel ever written.
Thanks for writing this guide, maybe now I can solve my money problem by following the rules set in stone by the excellent writing of Stephenie Meyer. Not to mention the number of good laughs I got while reading this.
P. s. Did I use enough modifiers or do I need to get a second thesaurus just to be safe?
You are just plain brill! Nothing cheers a gal up like someone taking a big sharp harpoon to a series that by all rights should be sitting in the bargain bin next to “Puke Yourself Thin” by Nicole Ritchie. Go you; now take a stab at Anne Rice. Sure it’s an out-dated reference…but she’s had it coming.
But no Gabzilla, the dark side has DEATH and PAIN. D; Look what happened to Anakin Skywalker!! (How do you spell his name?) XD
Anyway, I get what you mean. I never said criticism wasn’t okay (If I did, I take it back now) I just don’t like how some people here are bashing Meyer. If someone told you they didn’t like your art in a very flame-like way, I’m sure you’d be offended too. And if you wouldn’t be offended, then I hope that’s how Stephenie Meyer would feel too.
I just don’t like author-hating. Mind me… I prefer peace. >_<;;
*side note* Thank you Diana! =) That’s exactly what I’m trying to say. I can take people saying they don’t like the Twilight Series, but I don’t like when people bash the author. Do they even see her “Thank You” lists in the backs of each book? She’s obviously a very caring and loving person.
@Haylie:
But it has fancy cloaks! And cookies! And red lightsabers! You can’t resist! XD
I would ignore (or laugh at) personal bashing, since it’s something people do when they run out of options. Criticism? It’s fine, constructive reviews help me grow as an artist. Destructive ones? I’d ignore them.
I’ve read some of the interviews Mrs. Meyer gave and she wasn’t really humble and couldn’t seem to accept criticism, so that does nothing to increase my respect for her
Never read twilight but this is funny none the less and can be applied to many other books… Loved it !!!!
About the “flaming criticism”: Too often people ignore comments that are very straight to the point or may even sound a little rude, although it is not ment to be personal. Happens to me occasionally and it’s really bothering for the one doing the critique, since the less euphemistic way to criticise is (in my opinion) often more successful when it comes to show up flaws and mistkes. But certainly, the borders between “straight” and “rude” are weak, so there are some people that can’t tell the differences by themselves and thus feel offended (by either the defender or the attacker, whichever position they’re in).
Yeah, well. For the record.
:3
SOME ONE WHO HAS A BRAIN, A HEART AND A PASSION FOR BOOKS!! ,
Quite obviously you’re speechless.
Anyway, what I did is called using your argument against you. It’s not that I actually know that you’re corrupt, it’s that I’m using your words against you. This works when people act like hypocrites.
Oh wow, all those things you listed are the very same for me. When, I said for you to reanalyze your life, it was the nice way of saying, “You obviously are more affected by this book than you think.” I mean, look at your first comment. Does that look like a healthy response to a book that you like? Just because one person doesn’t share your opinion does that give you the right to flip out or accuse them of things?
Yes, I know she SAID she wrote the book for herself. But if this were true, why did she publish it? You’d probably say so that she can share her story with others. Fine, but once you decide you want to publish your book, it’s no longer about you or for you. It’s for your audience.
If you’re still giving credit to SMeyer for your grade, you aren’t giving yourself enough credit. Yes, reading helps, but she did not boost your grade YOU did. (Nice job, btw)
Just because you don’t like somebody’s work doesn’t mean that you’re automatically jealous. I don’t like Ozzy Ozborne’s stuff but does that mean I’m jealous? No, it just means that I don’t like it. She continued to read the books because she could not fairly write an article or even state her opinion without having finished every book.
Trust me, I’ve finished the first twelve chapters of Midnight Sun. Edward has proven himself incredibly shallow. However, I fail to see the connection of being in love and judging people as shallow. I love Moulin Rouge, but I don’t go, “Oh, that Christian, he’s so shallow. I mean just look at him. He’s always assuming the worst in people.” (That would be sarcasm, in case that wasn’t clear.)
Yes, no imagination what-so-ever. I pay people to have imaginations for me. Why do you think the LOTR and HP movies were made? It’s really because I didn’t have enough imagination to formulate a picture in my head and I needed it to be on screen.
I’m sorry. I’ve read the books. I own the books. And I love this article. It just happens that what is said is true, and the fact of the matter is that the people becoming upset probably don’t love the books for their literary merit. Be honest with yourself when you think about it because you may or may not make yourself look like an ass. You have the right to read this and become mad that somewhere someone has written something that isn’t exactly aligned with your opinion, but don’t expect to be respected for it. I’m almost positive that this article wasn’t written in the hopes of converting S. Meyer’s fans to the “dark side,” and maybe the people (whom I am sure do not mind being called fans) who disagree with this article should instead adjourn to a place where they can have conversations with people who agree with them and would love to talk S. Meyer till the cows come home instead of lurking here waiting for a fight. I’m upset, and reading some of these comments has fired me up, and now I am partaking in this bloodfest because, well, honestly, it’s fun to argue opinions, isn’t it? But it doesn’t really get you anywhere. It doesn’t accomplish anything. And let’s see — I’m not going to rebuff any of the comments made here, which would certainly be asking for it. But someone’s made an ass of themself, and I wonder if they feel proud.
This basically laid out everything I don’t like about the Twilight series: Bella and bad writing. I’m not sure how abusive I think Edward and Bella’s relationship is, I don’t necessarily agree with several of Edward’s controlling actions but I thought most of the time he actually let her have things her way. That and I considered most of the unhealthiness in the relationship Bella’s fault.
I mean really, when Edward came back, she needed to break things off with Jacob. She KNEW that Jacob loved her in that way, and you can’t just stay friends with someone determined to “win” you. I don’t think that books necessarily impact your life unless you let them, but this, not breaking things off with someone when you already have found your significant other, is a common problem I see with people, especially teens, and they don’t need their feelings validated through a book under the excuse of “I just can’t help it! I love them both!” YES, you CAN help it, and I lost all respect for Bella (which wasn’t much by that time) when she said that she loved Jacob but not as much as Edward.
This article was hilarious. I don’t hate the Twilight books, but it outlined why I can’t like them either. I’m just stuck in the middle because I like many of the characters she created but her writing and main character are so awful that I can’t enjoy the books fully. I enjoyed the first one, the rest I was reading to see what happened, not much else.
Brilliant. Simply brilliant.
I find the book ridiculously popular. Why do people like it so much? I live in Oregon, and I know that my state shares a lot of the weather with Washington, which is where Forks is located, I believe. The climate and weather in the book is totally unrealistic. The Oregon/Washington area has unpredictable weather. It’s never just raining or snowing for a whole day. The sun comes out when it wants to, and the rain pours down when it needs to. Why, just yesterday it was 60 degrees and pouring down HARD for about 15 minutes, then the clouds passed and it was around 75 to 80 degrees.
Along with the weather being unrealistic, but the vampires. I know vampires are fictional creatures, but original vampires burn in the sunlight. Vampires are supposed to be dangerous and deadly creatures, but they SPARKLE. They sparkle like pretty, little, happy fairies. I don’t recall anyone fearing for their life over a sparkling pink fairy.
I’ll stop now before I start actually ranting.
>.<
I really can’t see what’s so bad about Twilight etc….
And this is just made me sad
Nothing could ever make me hate the Twilight series, especially not people whining about it
When people respond to your comments in a way that made your examples void, why do you decide to point out that you don’t care what their opinion is, because you obviously stated that not everyone felt that way? Why is it not obvious to you that that person was just trying to escape you pointing out your opinion twice by nullifying before you responded? Is it because you just can’t seem to resist cluttering up the space beneath a wonderful article with pointless little sentences that are obviously you staggering back from a slap in the face (because what was said was so very, very true)? Also, consider that they may not have been talking to you.
well i purchased the series last week to see what all the hoopla was about, and though I found it an all right read to kill a few hours, you basically put into writing many of the points I said out loud to my daughter when we were discussing the books and how they were written. Though you said it sooo much better than I did.
very well written article.
Dear Kellen, you have my support, 100%
Freedom of speech!
Yay for Tarina! I live in Washington, near Seattle, and that’s EXACTLY what the weather’s like. You hit one of my biggest peeves with the books right there. Yes, it rains a lot in WA, but, despite popular belief, not all the time. Yesterday we had thunder and lightning storms, pouring down rain and crazy winds. Today? Sun is shiny, slight breezes and a pleasant temperature! And it’s supposed to stay (gasp) for most of the week!
I just couldn’t handle when Bella went to Seattle. Has SM ever been there? Not once have I ever been afraid while walking around Seattle, even downtown at midnight! Sure, we have our gangs and drunks as much as the next city, but Seattle is such a bright town with twice as many smiling and helpful people as there are scary ones.
And, while she got some of the descriptions of our “rainforests” down pretty well, (sometimes, when it shines through the hanging mosses the light DOES look green) for the most part it didn’t feel like the WA I know at all. Particularly her description of small town life. I’ve lived in small towns and was, to say the least, disappointed at her portrayal of us. We’re not all hicks who are so easily awed by someone who, my goodness, came all the way from Arizona! For the most part, we won’t care, except to maybe laugh at said person’s inability to drive in the rain or lack of warm clothes.
Basically, what I’m trying to say is that the Washington Stephanie Meyers wrote about didn’t feel like Washington. One of the best pieces of advice given to anyone intending to write is: Write what you know. And Stephanie Meyers does not know Washington.
Quite possibly one of the funniest things I’ve ever read. But you didn’t add, “Make sure hero and heroine are mentioned in every sentence, and that other main characters who are not as perfect are only mentioned every few pages, no matter if they might actually be more interesting than the heroine.
And also,
“Stephenie Meyer never wanted to be a writer.”
…
…
Then, why, Stephanie? Why did you do this to us?
Why?
Thank you for writing this. It’s everything about those books that I have been unable to put into words. There are, of course, going to be people who don’t agree with your opinion, over-react, and proceed to impune your freedom of speech. I read several of their comments and fell out of my chair laughing.
That’s it. I’m reading the damn series.
xD I give you a gold friggen star for this article. Actually, I didn’t even know what scintillating was until I saw it in a review for this book. I LOVE YOU for doing this. You forgot… the vampires sparkle because Stephanie Meyer only feeds them Mary Sue characters, and we all know that Mary Sues bleed glitter :3
Ok let me get this out of the way first. I have read all four books and enjoyed them, but good glory hallelujah thank evens some one said something about the shitty character development! I hated Bella, and Edward for that matter, pretty much all the way through every book. I don’t think it’s fair to compair Mrs. Meyer to Mr. Orwell. He’s a real artist with thought provoking literature. Lets face it she is just a teen romance novelist. The thing that bothers me more than the books are the obsessed fans. Most of the fans make all girls my age sound like buffoons! I don’t completly agree with your point of view, but I did laugh at some of the oh so true statements about the book.
This article really made me smile [: As a person who’s never read Twilight or any of it’s offspring – I didn’t really have much reference. I still enjoyed the article – your writing is lovely!
But I really think people are overreacting, really! People have different writing styles – honest! Each person does not write with the same voice – some use more adjectives then others, some barely have any descriptions – period. But that’s the beauty of literature – you can express yourself. It’s a beautiful thing – and people (in my opinion) are getting way to worked up about it. I know that personally, I enjoy stories full of adjectives – but I can imagine that reading a book as big as twilight (and it’s offspring) with so many adjectives would eventually drive me off the deep end.
I’ve never read Twilight, as I’ve said before, therefore I have no opinion on the series. Reading and literature is meant for enjoyment and expression – not a battle ground.
But again, beautiful article. You’re an excellent writer.
still love the book
still dont like you
THANKS!! =]
Haha! This is hilarious! So funny.
You are so listing all of Twilight’s flaws. I totally see all of them. I mean, come on, how can people like a book with absolutely no plot at all?
THANK YOU. YOU ARE MY HERO. I thought I was the insane one (after spending a month at camp listening to my cabinmates rant about how AMAZING Twilight is), but this article comes along and I think “Hey! Someone agrees with me!” I was, just yesterday, listening to my friend rant about how Twilight is SOOOOOO much better than Harry Potter, and how could I even SUGGEST that Harry Potter was more well written?
Spastic fangirls make me laugh.
And those fangirls that try to present a sensible argument (instead of OMG HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT???!!!), I thank you. At least you have brains.
As a girl who is nearing her freshman year of high school, I am VERY pleased to know that there are others out there who are not fond of the Twilight Series. It’s all I ever heard about in 8th grade, and even now as my cat grooms rather carelessly in front of my computer, it is STILL all I ever hear about from some of my fellow book-readers. Even when I was younger I tended to stay clear from the tween/teens sections, mostly because a lot of authors who have books in that area are not only just taking advantage of the younger crowd, but I personally don’t believe they really care about delving into their own creativity to create a solid peace of work. Of course there are exceptions, but I’ve been disappointed too many times to actually believe otherwise.
.
For now, I prefer to read books that are meant for the older crowd; unless someone has any suggestions?
Thank you, Kellen Rice, for writing this instructional piece on how to keep away from imitating Mayer’s work- I gladly admit I’ve learned a thing or two about literature
…I have read almost all of the books. And I’ve always had a love-hate thing with them.
The fact that my own life is incredibly dull, such a rousing fantasy novel caught me, and my newly teenage hormones. It wasn’t long, however, until I started realizing how much this resembled a badly written Mary Sue fan fiction.
Your article was incredibly funny, and I wish you could have written more. Thank you for posting this up despite having numerous hate-comments being posted here.
you have a really good point, but sadly, twilight seems to have gotten me addicted too. i especially agree with what you said about the scientifical stuff. you’d think if the baby was practically half-dead it would grow slower, not faster. i like the first book, but not enough to re-read it more than once. they seem to have gotten worse as she’s gone along.
Mm. Yeah, I read Twilight and all but seriously; seriously. 3-5 were correctamundo. Or however you spell that.
Haha, I love you. I enjoy reading the Twilight ‘Saga’, even though it ain’t CLOSE to being my fav. book (Want a great Vamp book? Try marked. It’s got some humor. And plot! And more than one fight scene during the book! …snazzy.)
And I just want to say to all those people who are hotly defending the book- “Get. A. Life.” Okay? It’s a book. 8D A pretty good book, I admit. BUT, nontheless, a book. Nothing to get totally freaked about when someone writes something like this. Jesus. >~>;;;
It’s like every other book I read. Okay, that was pretty good. If there’s another I’ll take time to read it. Why not? EXCEPT- everyone at school and everywhere else won’t STFU about it. God.
SO YOU KNOW WHAT? I’m going to make an exciting romance about a hippo and nudist Canadian outcast who make there way to Africa to forever be lovers but be pursued by Hannah Montana and her minions the entire way using this guide.
Cheers!
Well damn. I hate to admit it, but after reading your first and second Twilight articles I must admit that you’re right. And that I never actually saw any of this. Bah, I am still a fan of purple prose, but not so much the abusive relationship thing. o_0 Keep writing!
This is just AWSOME…I think you just made the PERFECT guide line to mary sue fanfiction!!! hahahahahahaha, you are the best!!. The crictisism, the bashing, the seriousnes, everything!! I had read other crictisism to that gross thing some incult and abviously not mature people(read Ignorant) call literature before but this just takes the gold….just beatiful, thanks for it and for your previous coment. I hope you have a wonderfull and succesfull life and congratulations.
if i made some mistakes or misspelling in the text above, please forgive me. I dont speak english as mi mother language
Can I please translate this article into Spanish??
You also forgot to add “constantly remind readers that this is a book as great as Harry Potter in order to make huge amounts of money”
IT WAS GREAT! I think I’ll start writing my first best seller!
Roger that. It’s not exactly a new phenomenon, low-grade romantic literature (one only has to trawl the internet to know that), and unfortunately it’s an established fact that this kind of thing appeals enormously to teenaged girls.
What’s even worse is the horde of fangirls decrying the so-called “bashing” of the series. To parody the words of Winston Churchill, “What do you want me to do? Kiss it on all four cheeks?” Face it: if someone calls a piece of literature trash, and they back up their opinion’s validity, then you’re going to have to come up with some equally good reasons as to why you believe it’s good.
We need Terry Pratchett (with his satirical, lovable, and extremely awesome Discworld vampires) to…deliver his take on the series, shall we say.
Haha.
I love this article.
I mean, you put your shit out to get published, people have the right to, well, bash. Not that this article is bashing, really.
The comments where you have a grown mother arguing with kids are kind of depressing, honestly.
I mean, a mother reading Twilight?
Hahaaha.
Anyways, Ms. Rice, you’re my hero.
Although I am a fan of the Twilight series, I still thought this was very funny.
I actually enjoyed the Twilight series, despite the fact that it constantly reminded me of a fanfiction. -_-; i agree with you that Bella and Edward are mary sues all the way. I read the entire series trying to find a fault with them, other than the fact that they are so ‘perfect’. Talk about mission impossible.
I’m glad that there’s someone out on the internet willing to speak their mind. Kudos to you, and I hope you keep this up. I need something to distract me from school.
I laugh at everyone who takes this seriously. All books have flaws, it’s the nature of writing. Even well established series’ such as Lord of the Rings have flaws and contradictions.
Just.. get over it. Like you all keep saying, “It’s just a book.”
Tweens needs to go watch some more Hannah Montanna before their heads pop from the pressures of the real world.
You’re right, completley. Twilight’s complete lack of literary substance left me gagging by the first chapter. And I’d only picked it up to see what the fuss was about.
But if the squealing fangirls want to throw their hearts at this author’s feet, let them. If they fail to appreciate what we see as good literature, then at least it’ll be their money wasted, not ours.
I HATE twilight and don’t understand why everyone is fawning over this unrealistic character, Edward. And Bella is just a stupid bitch who has no idea what the fuck shes doing. She shows no intelligence what so ever and goes along with everything. The perfect stereotypical couple in the US today, right? the perfect guy, the stupid girl who has no brains.
I refuse to go along with this couple type. Real love is about being there for one another…not being “chosen” because he can’t hear her thoughts. Honestly, i hate this series, not to mention the author’s VERY POOR portrayal of vampires in the first place. If you really like vampires, i would sudjest reading the original Dracula by Bram Stoker, or Interview With A Vampire by Anne Rice, those are true vampires, blood guzzling monsters, not pitiful, harmless creaters who want to do good in the world and fall in love.
And whats REALLY disgusting is the teenage girls who want a life like this and obsess over it.
Much appreciation to you for writing this. I agree completely.
-Just a 14 year old girl who refuses to fit the mold.
I think i may have to marry you. I just can’t thank you enough really! Absolutely brilliant
Just gosh, honestly, what I know of the book, as if the fandom doesn’t ruin it enough, you’ve proved why no one should get overly excited and obsessive over this literary trash. I’ve seen more productive, expressive and beautiful work on DeviantArt compared to this overrated, over stereotypical mass of crap.
Just God, hopefully this opened some whiny 16 year old goth girls eyes and maybe she’ll read something good, like 1984 as you mentioned, or maybe a real vampire story like, I don’t know, how about Bram Stoker’s, Dracula. God damn.
Bravo. It is amazingly refreshing to read something that DOESN’T say “HOMG, Twilight 4eva!”, “Im Edwards gurl!”, etc. 95% of my friends are in love with these terrible books, so bless you for posting this! And your previous Twilight Sucks article too!
ok it’s saying one thing where u don’t like the books and u know they suck but it’s saying something thing better when i like the books and i know the suck ass so bad XDD i don’t know why i like them… seriously… i really don’t know… it’s weird lol. but yea i was reading this and i have to admit this is officially my favorite thing all year XDD when i was reading this i was talking to my friend and i said “this makes my crap look sellable” me loveish it!! great job… and you people who are all bitchin and all “wah it’s a great book and u suck wah” well yea… people… IT’S A FRIKIN BOOK DAMMIT CALM DOWN!!! learn to laugh at life or you’ll go insane with depression!
*dies laughing*
Oh, that’s priceless. Thank you.
Seriously, you just made my day!
And don’t let the rabid fangirls get you down!
Pointing out the very obvious flaws doesn’t make the series any worse, it just makes you see things in a different light.
That light being, while it’s not very good, it still happens to be leaving millions of people smiling, isn’t it?
And they’ve seen the flaws, too, but choose to not love the books any less :]
Dear Carissa and every other person who is taking this to serious,
There is this awesome new literary device being used now. It’s got this fancy name, and is redifining literature. SARCASM.
Everyone has thier own right to speak thier mind on whatever they want. Many writers have many dif styles and it is not possible for someone to like and enjoy every single one. Maybe you like the usage of HUGE words in order to say something that can be said in a way shorter context. The writer of this is simply saying that writers much bigger then meyers write books that are on a whole different level by using short simple words.
In the end everyone is entitaled to thier own opinion, and i respect that you do not like this article, just try not to make a scene out of it.
I thank thee for this beauty that is how to write a bestseller like Twilight.
My entire class…70% of my school (I go to a girls’ school) reads this obsessively, it’s almost like you aren’t normal to be reading it. I only read the first book, which after brief periods of daytime reading was relegated only to bedtime literature because it wasn’t exactly a page-turner. On the verge of giving up in the seemingly endless plain that was the story of Twilight, I finished the book.
I read details of the rest of the books online and through friends, and I have to say that I’m proud to only have purchased the first book, and to not have contributed to the fat pocket of Meyer.
Meyer’s work here, like one of the comments above, does seem like an extremely well-concealed fanfiction. And the last time I remember writing about a Mary-Sue like Bella, it was of a wife and her control-freak husband. (Oh no.) But at least she showed signs of wanting to get out of the relationship. This one’s a gone case.
Vampires are generally good-looking, I’ll give them that. But giving them special powers as Meyer has done is a step too far in my opinion. And yes, it was impossible to capture the true appearance of Edward, no matter how much (ambiguous) description was given.
As it is I feel that Twilight has given thousands of teenage girls a way of life to conform to, from all the “I wish I was Bella”s and “I want to marry Edward!”s that I’ve heard. We can expect teenage pregnancy rates, relationship abuse rates and divorce rates to skyrocket in the next few years. Or months, if we’re particularly unlucky.
I’ll leave it at this, though, because if I say anymore I may descend to a point of possible fangirl destruction.
- A sixteen-year-old who just doesn’t conform.
I was linked to this page by a friend of mine, and I thank you for the laughs this whole article has given me.
Don’t get me wrong, however: I am definitely a Twilight fan.
But I’m not one of those fangirls that bitch and whine when Twilight gets criticized and/or bashed.
I found this humorous and true: You do make strong points.
Lawl, now I hope to write my best seller, kthx.
Sincerely,
A Reader
Thank you very much for writing this!
It feels good to know that others can say that Twilight isn’t good and back up their reasons justly.
Also, to me, she writes just like a standard fanfiction writer…
This is glorious! Thank you so much, you have just sent me and my roommate into hysterics! I’ve always found fangirl “flames” both verbal and written to be some of the most amusing (and painful given some of the grammar and spelling) things on earth. This series has always made me a bit worried about where literature is going to go in the future with stuff like this as the example for future writers. [sigh]
Thanks again for the brilliant article!
I really love the twilight series, and i really love the perfection of Edward, but noo!!! you have to finish reading this, well i accept that i was very entertained reading all the four books, but all the things you had written are completely true, i mean it’s like i won’t stop loving twilight but i agree that it doesn’t have a plot, that ed is to damn perfect, that SM repeats a lot of words like murmur xD, that bella is completely stupid. But well congrats for your good guide it was very fun to read i really loved it
And sorry for my bad english I really needed to say this
Thank you for this. Really. Now I can fulfill my dreams of being published with absolutly no work put into my prose and thus gain the right to free thought.
I couldn’t have done it without you.
You just made my world that much more enjoyable.
THANK YOU.
@Carissa
“The Twilight Saga is not something to be totally and completely torn apart for analyzing.”
If you like the books, that is fine. There is nothing wrong with enjoying the series.
What I object to is that quote. The wonderful thing about novels is that they are to be torn apart. They are to be pulled to pieces and put under the brightest lights on the biggest tables for everyone to see. Everything written must submit to this. If it can withstand the poking and prodding then it is truly a masterpiece. If it cannot, then…well…. you get the idea.
Twilight isn’t a baaaaad series…it’s just…badly written XD
@Ms. Rice
I enjoyed the article quite a bit! I’ll definitely be passing this one around!
I am a 40 year old Mother of 6 trying to understand a world where a 19 year old literary student thinks her opinion of life is more important than anyone else’s, and why she thinks its ok to put down other people for their opinions and choices.
I did like the twilight series. Did I think it was perfectly written?.. No. Did I think the characters and their relationships were flawed?.. Yes. Do I think my teenage kids were ruined by reading (and liking) these books?.. No. I enjoyed reading the defective characters and their messed up relationships made for emotional evoking entertainment. The exaggerated sentiment and atmospheres took me to the fantastical place where I’m sure Stephenie meant to take her readers.
That being said, I’m not commenting because I’m mad that you didn’t like the books, or that you don’t like the way Stephenie writes. You’re entitled to your opinion, just as I am, and everyone else is as well. The problem I had with this blog is that it hurt me, as I believe it was meant to. I felt scolded, I felt like I was being called a mindless drone incapable of intelligent thought or unable to realize when I’m being duped. I felt like I was being put down and told that I am less of a person than the writer because I actually enjoyed the books she was critiquing. Even worse as a mom of a teenage girl, and a teenage boy who read the series and liked it as well, I felt like I was being called a bad mom for allowing my children to read this tripe and let them be influenced by it. And I think you intended to insult the people out there who had the opposite opinion that you did about these books. Did you come out and say any of this verbatim, no. But I’m not blind to not so subtle undertones.
I think every writer, including the unrealized ones who only blog, write not just for themselves, but for others to read their writings. I can say after reading both of your twilight critique blogs that I won’t be reading you again. Are you a good writer? No question about it. You have excellent grammar and vocabulary. Do you evoke emotion? Yes. I’d say a lot of emotion, by the fact that you had so much feedback, and felt compelled to post a follow up blog laced with sarcasm and distain. But I feel that you will loose a lot of readers because you put your readers down.
No one likes to be made to feel stupid, especially not for reading a book. In this day and age when most teenagers spend hours on myspace, or playing guitar hero, and not using the minds that God gave them, to criticize someone for reading a book I think is irresponsible. I actually feel sorry for you. After reading these blogs I think everyone in your life, including people you haven’t met yet are going to have a hard time pleasing you at all. It’s tough to find perfection, but I wish you luck in your pursuit of it.
this made me laugh.
i used to be a really really die hard twilight fan, but i got over it.
no matter how many adjectives SM used to describe edward, i just couldn’t.
& i dont even like robert pattinson. (sp?)
i dont know if this is true or not, i’m just 13, but it seems pretty true.
my moms a publisher/writer, and she didnt like it AT ALL.
)
thanks for this.
Seriously you are my hero. I can’t see why everyone loves that book, my best friend, book nerd friends, sisters and even a few of my male friends have loved this book and I hated it. This is very funny and it is amusing seeing twilight lovers responses to this. This is very intertaining.
Okay–so I got linked to this from a site on deviantart–and I’m going to have to go glomp that person because this was freaking hilarious–and I’ll…Well, I guess I’ll just speak my mind like the thing is telling me to…
When I bought (yes bought, out of the blue) Twilight, I was looking forward to a dismal three hour layover for a three hour flight home. I wandered around the terminal, finally deciding to purchase a book. Since I can just barely convince my somewhat queasy stomach that reading + flying is okay.
I wandered to the teen-reading section, since I really didn’t want anything too involving and teen-reading is just…that. I picked up a few books, read their backs…I picked up Twilight and thought “meh, it’s vampire, it’ll do.”
It’s vaguely entertaining–but when you’ve read Robin McKinley’s Good!vampire Constantine, been faintly and uncomfortably thrilled by Anne Rice’s Marius and Armand, unable to get a wink of sleep after analyzing Stoker’s Dracula…And then as an added bonus you’ve ALREADY discovered your YA vampire addiction…Twilight seems like a pretty meager offering.
For the first five minutes after putting it down (after the craptastic ending), I was happy with Twilight. But then my brother asked, “Well, how does it compare to The Vampire Diaries?” (pretty much the same plot, etc, L. J. Smith should sue). Truth about Twilight? It really doesn’t deliver for it’s genre and projected age-group.
The Vampire Diaries by L. J. Smith are shorter books, they’re better books (the grammar certainly has better quality), and there is a plot. The same plot throughout the first three books! (there are and only ever will be four of them–and as an added bonus, the fourth is really only if you wanted a happy ending for one of the characters! It really is just added on, the first three stand together wonderfully without the fourth!)
GASP
And guess what….
That self-same plot doesn’t involve the girl trying to finagle her boy into changing her into a vampire for…all three of those plot-filled books.
Oh–and the vampires. Some people are mentioning that “original” vampires burn in sunlight. Stoker’s Dracula (fictional literature vampire 1.0) did NOT, in fact, burn in sunlight. He just couldn’t exercise his extra-super-special-supernatural powers during daylight hours except for to change his physical form at the noon-hour and that measly super-strength thing (seriously, who DOES that?). The vampires who burn in sunlight were created by 1920’s and mostly 30’s Hollywood, and they were further propagated by Anne Rice as she spun the wonderful and arabesque-in-detail world of Lestat, Louis, Marius, and Armand.
And the proxy between these two very different and highly functional worlds by…use of Sparklepire? Explaining the myth of “Death By Vitamin D” by…sparkling? Excuse me, THAT WAS FUCKING HILARIOUS.
That’s my piece for here.
To the fantards on the other side of the fence: you may bash me as much as you want, but you will not be getting a response from me personally–I just stumbled across this. Besides, it seems that you’ve been pretty cowed by this article.
To the fantards (anti-fantards?) on MY side of the fence: bravo, un aplausa por uds. I’m sure you all will go into how awfully Twilight is influencing young minds on how relationships should work, how it is lowering the standards expected of writers, and how there are so many more books out there that are so many miles better.
Alicia
i’ve read 3 of the twilight books and waiting for the fourth as my fieneds have a line to read it. I like the story, i was obsessed with edward and first and got depressed thinking theres no good guyz out ther [talk about being dramatic *rollz eyes*, before i read twilight i was all excited and was hoping for sumthing awesome. I never did find anything awesome although i luvd the bits when the vampires were doing their stuff. Everything else was pretty boring, i mean what does bella luv about edward? The book doesnt make it clear what made them attracted to each other, how can one girl be average in one town then a magnet in another? that doesnt make sense. And what does she luv about edward? u never hear her say she luvs the way he looks after her or how he is thoughtful. All u hear is “his crooked smile” and “he was an angel”, this is frustrating to me because is that all she likes about him? his features? And Stephanie meyers writing is sometimes really horrible, lyk she describes jacobs riding a motorbike “atheltic” well i doubt we know what athletic looks lyk and when she says he “skilfully flipped open the compass” how the hell does sumone do that? and how hard is it to flip open a stupid compass?
When i read the second book it was a draaag, i was totally telling everyone how i wouldnt read the books if it werent for edward, but now edwards irritating, in the 3rd book when edward and bella is in the meadow and she agrees to marry him and he says the deal off cos shez doing it for others and he says he will sleep with her…..what happened to his 107 yr old morals and ethics? S.M just destroyed his strong beliefs in one moment. Here ther wer girls thinking finally a guy hu duznt think luv means sex but then what happens? He gives in.
Now im reading the last book cos i wanna find out about jasper. i dunno why but hez awesome. and i wanna read what bella does when she becomes a vampire, i know that might be hypocritical reading it after dissing it, but hey its not everyday u read about vampires hu change and how it feels. I guess i lykd the vampire bits of the book. And yea the book duznt emphasize how hard it is for edward to keep away, whenever they get close he just runs away, totally makes us understand his pain. not. And when he kisses her or sumthing it duznt feel special lyk their in love or anything just his lips touched her throat. the end.
Ha! I couldn’t have put it better myself! It’s a shame that people actually think these books have plot. No, what this series has is events, happenings that attempt to give plot, random stuff thrown in to keep you reading, hoping above all hope that at the end, there might be something worth reading. But there’s not. Character’s who are loosely developed, and who continue to unravel themselves as Stephenie Meyer continues to fill pages with words.
This is honestly one of the worst series I’ve ever read. Though I was actually able to get through it, it came at a cost. That having been said, after all my distaste towards this poor work of fiction, I’ll still stick by to read the next. And any more after that. Because I hope above hope, that somewhere in there, Stephenie Meyer will write something worth reading. The book’s all have potential to have good plot, it just certain ain’t there now.
Those who love the Twilight Saga so much need to go An Heroing, it’s not that great.
Student writer,
Just as FYI. Many books and writers have mistakes, grammar, spelling, Factual, and typographical errors. My invitation is go around the web and find out. Even our textbooks have errors. You want to single out The Twilight Saga and the author, I don’t get it!
My following examples are only to make my point,
This is only one example about textbooks
by Kathleen Kennedy Manzo
The administrator of the curriculum-frameworks and instructional-resources office. “In one 200-page text, 50 of the pages had errors.”
Other very famous authors have mistakes galore, by no means want to show disrespect for any of this great authors and writers. We (my family and I) love their work.
Examples
http://www.horrorking.com/mistakes5.html
http://www.pottersrealm.com/content-22.htm
Plot: Is obvious that is an Issue that reflects opinion or interpretation.
For a change I think you will enjoy some facts
Have a great Day!
HAHAHA brilliant!
everything in there is so true…so true…lol
I like twilight…but it sank after new moon and then shallow-minded girls started reading it and I lost respect for it..
oh well.
I love you. You are my hero.
Unfortunately I doubt the Twilight fangirls will understand any of this. If they actually thought that book was a masterpiece, they are already lost forever. Poor them. At least you tried.
You are awesome! I’ll link this, and gm it to everyone I know who is crazy over that book.
Haha OMG! I just about laughed myself to death with this!
I personally have never even touched a Twilight book, but have been wary of such since I think it first appeared in my grade 10 art class. My friend was reading it and she stated that it was “FABULOUS”. But, her being a romanticizing git, I stayed away!
Now I am soooooooo glad! 
Also, I enjoy how you included Orwell in there, he is by far one of my most favourite authors! I particularly like Animal Farm, a book that is 96 pages. This just goes to show that its not how long or how many adjectives you used, its about the meaning. This also goes to show that books are meant to be “microscopically” analyzed. Anyone who writes a book worth reading usually has a message to send or something they want to say. Others may say it more bluntly, but others enjoy to create more subtle themes to create a bigger picture!
Also, to those people who blew up to defend the book. You’re just proving that the kind of people that read the Twilight series are just emotion brawling school girls, at least that is what you are putting forward when you EMOTIONALLY defend the book with no reason.
However, to the people who defended the book with REASON, I give you kudos for not blowing up and respecting the opinions of all. If everyone was like this then people probably wouldn’t take so many drugs (be it prescription or recreational) lol.
Once again, to Rice, you have seriously completed my life with this amazing article. And I agree with Cookie, if you wrote a book, I’d definetly buy it. I like your writing with cynical undertones and holy do I love your organization!
Sincerly,
Amie
The Super Porcupine Fish
Wow.
This is truly unbelievable.
All she did was voice out (write out) her opinion and what happens? There are floods of agreements and arguments with and against.
Seriously why waste your time, breath, anger and obvious energy on defending or insulting something a simple as a book. You guys gotta admit not all teens who read the book are good go and ready to give up their lives and dreams for their “Edward” neither are they completely unaffected by SM’s writing. So quite frankly it goes both ways so lets just stop and …
I’m gonna say what i’m sure several other people who’ve commented on this have said.
It’s a book. Neither to die for nor to kill for. You people should just calm down and literally accept the fact that, again …
This. Is. A. BOOK. all that theres to it.
I applaud you. This piece made my day, thank you for expressing the views that so many of us have and do not speak out. I must say that while having read the books, I do not see how they qualify at all as great literature. Mind you, fluff is nice sometimes; when one reads to many heavy books one’s brain is likely to explode.
Still, I completely agree with you, there’s no need to obsess over a series like Twilight. There’s also no need to defend it, girls, it’s just a book.
I’m neither for nor against the series, but the die-hard fans irritate me. As I said above, fluff is fun sometimes, but if that’s all you read, you’ll never grow much as a reader (or a writer).
in pure literary curiosity i must ask the author- if you find this book so distasteful what book(s) would you say are of literary merit?
KiriV-
I understand how you feel (except for the parenting part since I don’t have kids) because it’s exactly how I feel when I read Kellen’s articles. This will definitely be the last article or piece of writing I will be reading from this writer. Of course, she is entitled to her opinion and I have full respect for them, however, it isn’t necessary to put those who really loved the books down… to the extent of calling us unintelligible (or suggesting it at least, if she didn’t flat out say it).
Truly, did you expect anything better from a teenage angst novel. Please, it’s an intro sci-fi romance book for teenagers. If you take it as a serious novel you are kidding yourself. Take it for what it is and enjoy the fact its better then a mass produced novel romance you can get cheap at any used book store with even worse cliche’s.
Hey thanks for the awesome article. I laughed, I cried and I related to it on so many levels… Okay now I sound superficial. On a whole I agree with you on the Twilight series and am glad you can put the creative words out there to critque this book. Thank you again for the fun. I’ll be sending this on to my sisters and friends!
haha so true =D
I am a fan of Twilight, but I have to agree, everything you put there is true, and I laughed out loud as I read it!!! Twilight is a good series, but every once in a while I would get bored of the endless descriptions of Edward, and Bella being so perfect and obsessed. Though her clumsiness I found amusing.
People who become offended by this really have no life. You’re just expressing your opinion, and thats aloud. Really, they’re just four books, they’re not real. I mean, blatantly trashing it kind of rude, but that’s not what your doing. So, thanks for giving me something fun to read!
I agree with you. I actually call Twilight my guilty pleasure because for some reason or an other I couldn’t help but read it and yet I knew that it wasn’t literary goodness. There wasn’t much depth and well… I don’t want to repeat everything that you said but *nod nod* I’m in utter agreement. Thanks so much for your input. It is always greatly appreciated and totally valid. For those of you who get mad I have this to say: if you knew this opinion would upset you why did you read it? If you knew you were going to disagree and be close minded what are you doing reading this piece let alone my comment? I’m sorry but it seems like you’re just asking to get your toes stepped on.
Hahahaha, excellent. I’m planning to write my own article on why Twilight is terrible and this is great inspiration.
You basically own my soul.
<3
This was pretty awesome. i have to admit, I do, in fact, read the series, although I don’t enjoy it nearly as much as anyone else I know. It sure as hell wasn’t literary gold, that’s for sure.
I am a “Twilighter”, yes, but I think you are right. It did set us back a few hundred years or so; but am I fangirling and wishing I could have my virginity taken away by a vampire just to have a baby that can murder me? No. This book was merely a distraction for me, but no one should be stupid enough to say “Your opinions are false.” Pardon my French, but HOW THE HELL CAN AN OPINON BE FALSE?! A fact can be false, which means it is an opinion; opinions are merely personal thoughts, which means they cannot be false. Go read the dictionary and find the meaning of opinion. I may not hav given it verbatim, yes, but I gave the basic gist. Feeble imbeciles.
After all that bashing I thought I should just tell you: BRAVO!
I love what you have done here I think it’s wonderful. You made your points, and they were accurate and well put. So, thank you.
As for the teenagers who know nothing of history and specifically nothing of the history of literature and it’s influences on popular opinion and cultural revolution, well… I have nothing,
It makes me so sad, so very, very sad that they can’t rub two brain cells together and approach a book, or a book review, from a critical and logical stand point.
We desperately need to start teaching critical thinking at an earlier age.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for writing this.
I’m honestly surprised of how many people love this horrible excuse for a book series and it’s wonderful for them to have guidelines to write their own crappy Mary sue fics and try to publish them as a feeble attempt at writing.
This was awesome!
And I love how fangirls automatically freak out. Because of course, their say counts and yours doesn’t and how dare you express yourself in our free country?!
Thank you again!
Well, i’ve only read the first book of the Twilight series, I will by no means stick up for it, or go against it. I do in fact like the first book, im actually going to get the next from my friend who is nice enough to let me borrow it, as im captivated by it for reasons beyond me.
I will concur with the whole thesaurus thing, but even so, I do like more descriptive things, it helps me get a clearer picture in my mind, as it would for anyone im sure. Theres not much more to say about it. Maybe it could have used some toning down though, I admit. At points I felt like I was reading a fanfiction with a gary stu male protagonist. But I digress, it is her writing style.
In short, Edward could have been called just that, a gary stu. Now this is where I’d get more against the character, rather than the book. He had little to no personality flaws except for the fact he was controlling of Bella’s actions(and this is from the first book alone, gosh… o-o), and the fact that he was basically a stalker… >_>
As much as I’d love to defend every point I liked, and express every flaw I didn’t, im not much in the mood, im just saying some of the things that were on the top of my head. I think the series should have just ended with the first book, some tweaks to the ending and throughout the story in general. I’m sure Twilight and Meyer would get a lot less hate from people.
I think that this was brilliant–a great laugh. I am, honestly, a fan of Twilight, but I see many, many flaws with it. (The main reason I like it is because of my imagination.) I think there are some people that took this waaaay to far, though. No need to get mad or anything. You’ve made good points and I’m sure other good points could be made in defense. I’m not going to get into that right now, though. I thought this was a funny article–whether it was meant to be or not.
I love it – sarcasm dripping at every point.
But the best parts are the comments.
It’s incredible watching people get really worked up over this.
Perhaps you should write a novel about it…
DEAR ABBY,
I don’t have to be your mother to tell you that you’re immature. (:
sir, i do believe i love you.
and now, off to strike it rich with a TOTALLY ORIGINAL and groundbreaking novel about …oh, let’s go with cajun ghosts. that way i can write a hackneyed accent the whole time, too.
Brilliant. You so rock. \m/
oh man, this is hilarious. i admit, i’ve read the twilight books and enjoyed them, but that doesn’t make criticism like this any less funny. really, when you get down to it, you can make fun of just about every literary work in history. you just can’t take things so seriously.
You seem to be quite the brilliant critic! This is WAY more interesting than the chapter or so that I read of Twilight (the first book…).
I borrowed one of the books from a friend and tried to read it. Within 20 minutes I was bored nearly to the point of tears. I honestly am more amused reading a thesaurus than ANYTHING I’ve attempted to read from Stephani Myers.
It’s sad when such a “wonderful” and well read book(series) plays out like a bad Mary-sue-oriented fanfiction…
This is absolutely amazing! You have perfectly voiced my thoughts in a witty sarcastic way that I only wish I was capable of. I am of the opinion (after reading this article and your previous one) that you might even be a better writer than Stephanie Meyer!
I’m concerned that so many people defending this claptrap still feel that these books are all about the freedom of the characters to choose their own destiny, because no one gets to choose anything in them.
The message in them is that your first love is all you will ever get, so you’d better hang onto it with a stranglehold. Even Jake, whom at one point eloquently defended one’s right to choose, is trapped by imprinting. Once Edward saw Bella, he could never love anyone else. After one date, Bella is sure she could never love anyone else. Jasper takes Alice’s hand, and he is hers forever, without knowing a damned thing about her. What choice did Emmett have? Could he leave Rose, if he had gotten to know her and didn’t want her? Not bloody likely. And Bella even HAS to be changed in the end. Edward said once it would not be because she was forced, but she was in the end.
The books are all about giving UP choices, not deciding what choice is best for you. And that’s an even bigger problem for me than the lousy grammar, spelling and continuity issues they have. The fact that Bella seems to give up nothing at all in the end except her mother doesn’t change that.
Heee.. this was amusing! *smile*
Is it strange to still like the books and agree to this? Twilight must be the most cliche book ever written. At the same time, I think that’s the point. It’s fantasy; just plain old nonsense. I read it for a quick way to get out of reality. I thought it was just as ridiculous as it was entertaining. Really. The book is great if you think of the whole thing as a comedy.
As for influencing teens…? Probably, but hell, I don’t think that’s the intent. It’s not her fault kids are so easily influenced. No writer should write a book if that’s the case. My sister keeps her sanity by playing violent video games. She has no illusions of trying to kill real people. I read Twilight to escape the nuisances of the real world. I don’t hang my life on meeting the perfect man in all of existence. Saying that it influences teenage girls is kind of insulting. Please, give credit to some of us who have common sense.
There were a few things I don’t think you covered in your analysis, like just how absurdly plain Meyer tried to describe Bella. (That might fall under the humility part but I’m more referring to Meyer’s creation of the physical image of Bella.) And the picking of her name. We have Charlie. Ordinary name. We have Renee. Ordinary name. Then we have Isabella. I always thought that was a bit…too fancy a name for this day and age. Also with her name, Isabella Swan vs. Elizabeth Swan. I always thought the names were a bit too close. Also missed the typical love triangle too. (But I guess that could fall under “no plot.”)
I found Twilight entertaining because it was so absolutely pointless. Praise for the most well known Mary Sue of all time.
*snerks*
Oh the silly of the Twilight fandom. I’m so glad I’m not a teenager anymore. How I ever managed to find the energy to take everything so personally is beyond me.
All I have to say about S. Meyer’s books is that I read the first three for guilty pleasure and I’m pretending the fourth one never happened.
My personal philosophy regarding fandoms stems from this great icon I have for the Star Wars fandom: Mock your fandom! Han would!
Honestly, there are some things in life that should be fought for i.e. the things that politicians talk about. But honestly this is a book. And maybe right now it’s the greatest thing in your life, but that might change in a few years. So what’s the point of wasting all this energy fighting with people about it. No Twilight is not an awesome work of literary genius. (Personally I think some so-called literary genius works are a bunch of icky crap *points to the old man in the sea and the grapes of wrath*) But it’s just a silly book. Not really worth the effort of flaming someone who thought they’d write a satrical review of the books. I mean HELLO, even Harry Potter got BANNED by certain religions and other such groups of people. It still became a best seller. Seems to me that might warrent more outrage and one person’s opinion article. It’s not like she’d forbidding you from reading the book.
So I say how about we go fight about things that really matter like the destruction of the rain forest or the Iraq War?
I just wanted to write a quick thank you for putting, so eloquently, everything I’ve been telling others about these books all along. I completely agree with everything you’ve been saying and I think I know what you’re most upset about, and what those Twilight fangirl’s who’ve responded can’t seem to understand.
That something as badly written as this book series can be so popular when it’s filled with such crap really sucks for a person who values good books. Of course I only read the books for distraction and never went in thinking they were going to change my life, but I did get really offended at least 3 times in each book. You know what I’m talking about because that’s what these articles are about.
It’s just very depressing for me to think about how rich Stephenie Meyer is for writing so poorly and about such a terrible character like Bella. Reading your article made me feel better about the whole thing, so thanks!
That was so funny.
I have to say that I’m still a big Twilight fan but I do see some of your points.I agree that they may not be the best written books ever, and there are books that I enjoy way more than the Twilight series, but it is still one of my favorite stories . . .
That was simply amazing. Not only did you make your point, it’s obvious you’ve atleast read the first book. I’d say that’s definitely a plus. I mean, I’ve seen (insert an exagerrated number here) people just down talk a book that they have NEVER read the book they’re talking about.
I like how you even go so far as to use examples from the book. That’s definitely a good touch on your article. Makes it more meaningful (to me atleast, hehe).
Keep it up! That was amazing!
(P.S. I love your use of verbs and nouns… I can only hope to one day have such a vocabulary).
I have to say, you’re completely correct.
Twilight is only mind-candy, tasty, but will give your mind cavities if read too often. (I honestly liked the books for that reason and that reason alone. They’re also handy conversation starters as almost anyone over the age of 13 and under the age of 25 has read them.)
Could I just add that I would have liked to see how vampires deal with AIDS?
ok well yea Stephanie Meyer isnt the best writer in the world and yea her writing does get a bit annoying after a while but the thing is the books for some reason can grip onto you i mean i read all the books and i love them in fact i couldnt put them down. but i think that the thing that grabs most of the teenage girls who read it is that edward (apart from the small amount of abuse he gives both her and jacob) is portrayed to be on of the most attractive and gentlemanly person and i think that is what is so appealing about the book all the girls just wish they could be loved as much as bella and edward love eachother and i think its kinda cute fair enough i am just a silly teenaged girl!
anyhoo i think that stephanie meyer, yes has a non-perfect (not a word but couldnt think of one to fit) writer but she knows how to portry the almost perfect man even if he had to be a vampire
but a good article to show that not all twilight readers love the series as much as i do..
i think the movie will be good though if not only for the incrediably attractive Robert Pattinson playing the lead role of Edward Cullen.
well done you seem to be very intellegent and know your literature.
by the way lots of people i know like twilight noty so many people i know like Animal Farm
What have you done! You dare criticize a woman whose inspiration was drawn from a dream where a sparkly man talked to a girl? A woman whose “revolutionary” and rebel-esque characters never have sex because she is a Mormon? A woman who has been compared to J.K. Rowling, for no apparent reason other than making her characters as angsty as humanly tolerable?
It’s hard to believe you could draw anything from her books to mock
/**
*End Sarcasm here
*/
I’m not too sure who wrote this, but you are a genius. A pure genius. I like Twilight, make no mistake. But you have a point, and I respect that. And agree. GENIUS!!!!!
Wow. Excellently put. I have read Twilight and so on, and found some merit in some of the supporting characters like Jacob (in his best moments) Carlisle and Esme, but found no endearing qualities whatsoever in Bella and Edward. I did not hate the book, but I still find it easy to laugh over jibes at the plot, characters, etc.. It seems I am repeating the thoughts of many on this board, but it is well deserved. You, sir (or madam) are an excellent writer. I commend your skill
“I’m a nineteen year-old female literature student trying to understand the world one book, song, and idea at a time.” Then why not begin trying to understand things with an open mind? You raised good points in this article but at the end of the day, you are the one sitting behind your computer wasting your time doing this, as Stephanie Meyer creates stories which apparently attracts millions yet you don’t have respect for her novels? So really, who looks worse, the author of the popular series who may not have done enough research before writing a novel or the girl who sits behind her computer trying to pick out every flaw possible and then write it out for the public to see? If you ever publish your first story, I’ll read it, and I hope others do too, then we can all tell you where you messed up and how it was tasteless. As of right now the only thing tasteless would be this article and how you actually put the time and effort into making it quite clear you didn’t like the series.
Well good job, if writing an article that given you go into a journalism career could haunt you forever, you’ve nailed it right on the head.
Bravo!
Honestly, my major problem with these books and its fans is that the fans completely want to be Bella. It just highlights for me the fact the S. Meyer failed to write a book with real feeling. Bella has her heart broken, follows the idiot around as soon as he’s decided that he can be with her (something that had nothing to do with her feelings on being abandoned, even if he did promise her he would never do it again), has a best friend who is in love with her (which is the MOST awkward situation, not exactly a daydream) — oh, and before I move on, let me say this : if this were another series, and Edward tried to come back to Bella (before the cliff-jumping incident) and Bella told him off and told him he lost his chance, women (and girls) all over would be cheering her on. I’m sorry, but don’t most tweens have “Girl Power” accessories coming out the wazoo? Do they not recognize how much of a jackass Edward was to Bella? ANYWAY, brainwashing is a super power, I guess — and let me not even contemplate the physical pain Bella goes through. And also, on the line of accuracy, Bella should have been dead with the first swing of James fist in Twilight. S. Meyer should realize that she shouldn’t rely on mindless fans simple acceptance of her words and maybe try a little difficult writing in which she actually has to figure out how James planned on toying with Bella instead of simply assuming that he was doing it — even though her Vampires have no self-control, and he really IS just throwing Bella up against the wall with all his strength. So thank you soooooo much for highlighting S. Meyer’s problems. I’m tired of seeing the degradation of popular literature.
Epic win. But you forgot, “Make the last third of your concluding book into a fanfiction, complete with stupid names and monumental coincidences. Also, the readers love it when the final standoff between the Light Brigade and the Big Bads lasts one hundred pages, and they go bonkers if, in the end, absolutely nothing happens.”
I was very disappointed on what Stephanie Meyer did to the vampire image. She basically tore off it’s fangs, drowned them in sparkles and glued an abridged Titanic to them.
Kellen, you are awesomeness in human form. Don’t mind the comments of Twilighters. A lot of them just have an aversion to thinking.
You’re now officially one of the most awesome people on the planet.
I must admit that I really started hearing about Twilight when I saw the first trailer of the movie and out of curiosity I tried to know more about it. The result is that the book never seemed appealing to me and now I read your article, and saw that so many people agreed with you(meaning what you described is true) I think I won’t read the books at all lool. I don’t have anything to say against the author or the story itself but the book seems too much like a meere love story for teens.
I’m a nineteen year-old female literature student trying to understand the world one book, song, and idea at a time.
I’d say you’re a nineteen year-old pompous, want to be literature student, that despite wanting to understand the world will never really be a part of it because she is judgmentally and clearly wants to hate and take apart anything that makes others in her society happy. I doubt you have ever been on a date let alone….
Your articles sound like the ranting of the ugly girl in the back of the class who wishes she were a part of the cool kids and because she isn’t she decides to be a nasty little witch.
How glad I am you have this soap box as your outlet because I doubt you will ever have much else.
hahahaha. that is hilarious. I love it.
I mean, i have nothing against her books, they are good and all that.
but oh, my jesus. that was just priceless.
just priceless.
to Nikki
Ouch! Ad hominem attacks are rarely effective vs. literary criticism.
Actually, she’s doing what a literature student should do, what any good reader should do. She’s looking at the text and pulling it apart to see how it works and why. Actually, in this case, she’s pulling it apart to see what doesn’t work. She does it by constructing a well thought out argument in response to the text.
I applaud what she has done even though I’ve never read these particular books. All too often in this day and age it seems that no one wants to really engage what they’re reading in a terribly critical way. Yes, I understand the argument that these books shouldn’t be taken as literary masterpieces and the like but that doesn’t mean they can’t be held under the same microscope. To examine them in such a fashion allows us to learn things not only about the text but about ourselves and how we interpret the world and the things in it.
HAHAHA
i LOVE this!!!
Nikki-
take a flipping chill pill. Damn. God since when don’t we have the right to speak our mind? Every thing that was said in this article was the complete truth. She didn’t swing anything, like Meyer so conveniently does in her books. So stop floating around trying to defend that book, because people are entitled to their own opinions and their opinions are that the book was an epic fail. Let ppeople speak their mind and stop being a witch yourself, k?? bye now. 9_9
U know what miss author person do you even know what love is? the fact that anyone would do anything for the people they love. gosh how do you write an article like yours? hmm lets ponder this for a moment… first you pick an extremely successful book . then you find every single flaw and bad mouth the book to make your article more interesting. honestly that pathetic. like you r trying to be a rebel or something sure…plus think about what about what stephanie meyer created that you havent .. o right a piece of writing that is actually interesting to read!
You’re amazing. And right. Don’t listen to the people who can’t bear to see anything they adore be criticized. I love the Twilight series for what it is: A poorly written illogical story. It’s entertaining but never should have been considered a good book and SM is not a good writer. Everything you said is true and anyone who calls you pathetic is blind and needs to look at themselves (and Twilight for that matter) more closely.
Haha! That was hilarious!!! Even though I do love the book, I see the reasoning behind it. Edward. He is obviously made to be the “perfect guy.” Is there a guy name for a Mary Sue? If there is, that has Edward’s name written all over it. Oh well. I still think this post is hilarious, and I find myself hilarious for enjoying the book, but the reason we all do, is because we want a relationship as daring, romantic, and “dazzling” as Edward and Bella’s, and of course, we all want our own “Edward.” Oh well. Girls are bound to be girls. And the books didn’t really bother me until New Moon, where Bella totally went insane. I mean, I still enjoyed them, it was just irritating that she was such a martyr. Ugh. Then I really started to think, “What does this guy SEE in her?” Then I read the Midnight Sun thing that Stephenie put on her website, and it just made me sick. I wanted to throw up, because Edward was so much better than Bella, and Bella was really irritating. Even if Edward is the guy Mary Sue, at least he isn’t irritating like one. And then he’s falling head over heels for her. Ugh. Angela would have been a MUCH better choice for him. I could think of a hundred different better choices than Bella.
A couple more things. Some people need to realize that when the writer of this article said that teenager’s (I am one, too, don’t forget!) minds have not finished developing, she didn’t mean that we have lost our minds to Twilight, the reasoning part of our brains haven’t developed yet. That is why most of us act on instinct, before we think things through, and why we’re always in trouble. Get it, now? And to people who are bashing the writer of this article, seriously, chill out! She is just voicing her opinions, and everyone is entitled to thier own, as she said, it is part of the Constitution. And, it’s not that big a deal, not everyone is going to like the book. I did, and I still found this article funny. The book is just an indulgence for us teenage girls who wish that there was some kind of romance like that out there for us. So, calm down, and realize that this person has every right to voice her opinions without being trampled by thousands of furious and insanely furious fangirls. Which I will probably experience, without concern, for writing this. Oh, well, apparently some people just fail to see the humor in anything. That is beyond my control.
You. Are. My. Hero! xD
I…wow. There really are no other words I can use to describe this other than COMPLETELY AWESOME! This made my night.
I know it’s going to be hard for all those hardcore fans to stomach this, what with their aversions to thinking and all, but you put some very good examples of the mess that is the Twilight series out there. Perhaps some day they’ll all realize that, just as they don’t want to hear anything negative about their precious books, a lot of the rest of us don’t want to have it’s “amazingness” shoved down our throats.
I’m not holding my breath for that though. Oh well.
Truly, you are great. In the face of insanity, you stand firm and will not be infected; I commend you.
A couple more things. Some people need to realize that when the writer of this article said that teenager’s (I am one, too, don’t forget!) minds have not finished developing, she didn’t mean that we have lost our minds to Twilight, the reasoning part of our brains haven’t developed yet. That is why most of us act on instinct, before we think things through, and why we’re always in trouble. Get it, now? And to people who are bashing the writer of this article, seriously, chill out! She is just voicing her opinions, and everyone is entitled to thier own, as she said, it is part of the Constitution. And, it’s not that big a deal, not everyone is going to like the book. I did, and I still found this article funny. The book is just an indulgence for us teenage girls who wish that there was some kind of romance like that out there for us. So, calm down, and realize that this person has every right to voice her opinions without being trampled by thousands of *crazy and insanely furious fangirls. Which I will probably experience, without concern, for writing this. Oh, well, apparently some people just fail to see the humor in anything. That is beyond my control.
[...] go here for a follow up article to the one I got the excerpts from, It’s genius and I wouldn’t quite feel right copy pasting it like I want to. The [...]
OK this is for Victory Lunch:
Look, I’m willing to accept that this article is not a TECHNICAL bash and I’m certainly not screaming at my computer because of it. But I must applaud your *cough cough* maturity…how old does a person have to be before coming up with the brilliance of calling us fanpires “brain-dead”? BRAVO, do you come up with your own material or do you have a team of writers, hmm?
Same goes for the rest of you; calling us nutty or stupid isn’t exactly gonna convert us back to what we were before. If you’re TRYING to make us more protective of the books so that you can continue this argument, then you’re doing one hell of a job!
The fact is, the “Twilight” series is an escape, for me, anyway…If I want to read brilliant literature then I’ll go to the library and pick something up. However, Stephenie Meyer is fine by me, so if I’m in a bad mood, or just need some pleasure reading, TWILIGHT is my book of choice. If that’s terrible, I really don’t care.
Well, congrats, yet again. An absolutely brilliant article. And I’d like to point out little Abby on the top of the page, who said something to the effect of “why do you have to write a second article, someone doesn’t like your opinion, tough luck”.
I suggest you rabid fan girls read the second part of that line to yourselves.
The worst part of the series is that the thirteen year old girls that read it are extremely impressionable upon. When they get a boyfriend who is controlling and stalks them, they are going to believe they have found ‘Their Edward’, which is most of their aspiration in life lately.
Another thing, this isn’t my quote but I remembering read;
‘The reason everyone is in love with Edward, is because he doesn’t DO anything for them to disagree with’
I for one am a fan of these books. I recognize they have flaws, but that does not stop me from enjoying them. Yes she overuses certain words and describes everything thoroughly and with as many adjectives as possible. So what? She is creating an imagage for her readers, and they seem to enjoy it. It may not be everyone first choice for how to write things but SM is not the first author to do so and is by no means going to be the last I would bet.
There were many opportunities for interesting plot lines that were either not explored or rushed, especially in Breaking Dawn. But they do each follow a plot, albiet ones that were less interesting then possible.
I believe what interests most of the fangirls (I admit I myself am one, but not as obsessed or defensive of SM) is the swept-off-your-feet feeling they get while reading about how they fall in love. That however is not why I like it. I am much more interested in the secondary characters, to see how they develop, as well as some of the funny comments provided by characters in the book. Especially ones that poke fun at Bella dn Edward.
When fans read these books they get caught up in the moment and enjoy it. That doesn’t effect our ability to step back an realize: this IS fiction, it may not be the healthiest relationship but its not real. We can also realize that if we DO find ourselves in such a relationship it’s time to get out.
While I am a fan of the books, I’m not really a fan of either Bella or Edward. Many other fans I know don’t like them either. They don’t aspire to be or marry them either. They just enjoy being swept up in the romance between the two. I prefer other characters such as Jake and Leah, who had personalities that were interesting and progressed throughout the course of the books.
I recognize your points are accurate, I noticed them myself while reading the books, but one is strongly disagree with is the research. She must have done something right in that respect otherwise the Quillute people would have made their displeasure known rather than agreeing to help some of actors in the movie who will be portraying them.
You may not believe this, but you’ve been such an useful person today, that you’ll never be more usefull in the future.
But really, thanks. Now I’ve to do some editions *runs to the Camicave*
It’s a pity Stephenie Meyer didn’t take the same lit and creative writing courses you did, Twilight would have been much better. Thanks for this, I needed the laugh after finishing “Twilight”. I most certainly won’t be reading the rest of that tripe (good grief, even I write that well).
Absolutely brilliant.
On the “Do not research” part, I’d like to comment that Bella’s “fear” of blood is absolutely ridiculous. It’s pretty obvious that Ms. Meyers had no idea what the real symptoms of one with hemophobia (or some mild form of it) are. The smell of it (of all things) triggers her fear, she gets a little faint, then it’s over? BULL. It’s blatantly romanticized.
And what happened to that “fear”, anyways? Unless I’m mistaken, it was pretty prevalent throughout book one, and just sort of died down from there. Does anyone care to explain? Last I checked, it’s not that easy to get rid of a real phobia. Oh, but perhaps for Ms.(no, wait, that’s “Mrs.” now) Mary Sue, anything is possible after a few near-death experiences. I for one have had several surgeries (one being a spinal surgery, which is potentially paralyzing/life threatening), and my fear of blood has, if anything, only gotten worse. I guess it just goes to show that I’m human, unlike Bella.
This is just awesome!
I laughed almost the whole time.
I’ll start writing my own Twilight right now for being allowed to say that these books are a shame to the word “literature”.
Kellan, I bow down to your greatness!
I was a huge Twilight fan, I have all three books and then bought a second set so that I could get them signed… I had tattoos, stickers and eagerly waited in line for Breaking Dawn…
THEN I read it, and quite frankly I was disgusted.
I loved the first three but there was always something off, Bella being crazy and jumping off of cliffs or controlling Edward, even looney Jacob at times… I have almost always hated Bella.
In the end of BD I was like OMG can you two just get over it? I wanted Edward to dump her and Jacob to go with Leah… but no.
NO ONE has free will in this series…. why?!
I get that they’re just fluff, but she has every right to be this critisized because our generation has her up on a pedestal as a “great writer” and “the next JK Rowling”. It’s not her fault, but it is what has happened, so all the Twihards, suck it up!
I never realized how anti-feminist this book really was until Breaking Dawn, and I’m ashamed that it took me this long to figure it out.
Kellan you are awesome!
Wow. I have not read the first article you wrote, but I have read this one. I know you are entitled to your opinion and everything… but really? Does Twilight deserve this much bashing?
It is a wonderful book. I know it has flaws, but what piece of literary work doesn’t? Every single book you find out on the shelves of bookstores today will have plenty of flaws in them. That is just the way it is.
Now, it is my time to rant my head off. Enjoy.
Oh, I laughed out loud when I read your article. I thought it quite hilarious when I read the whole list on “How to Write A Bestseller Just Like Twilight” because I seriously thought you were kidding. Then after I laughed for a few minutes, I let the temperamental side of me take over. And I started seething.
How can you seriously sit there are think that kind of stuff? What kind of sicko are you when you take so much pride in ridiculing someone else’s work of art? Well, I try my hardest right now to maybe show you how it feels.
“Your article is a waste of words. Under its glossy pieced-together sentences, rage and jealousy seethe as you wonder how such a weak-minded individual as yourself could not write such a popular, intriguing book like Twilight. You mock it just like a dumb bully would insult the smarter kids at school.
The whole article just sounds like a list of reasons why YOU’RE better than Stephenie Meyer. It sounds stupid and childish and completely pointless.
I say get off your high pedestal. You are just as bad as every other jealous, green-eyed writer out there. Shut your mouth and stop breathing because you do not deserve to breath the earth’s fine air!”
Did that hurt? Good, if it did.
But honestly, I don’t mean it… well, most of it. I believe you are just entitled to you opinion as everyone else is. I just think you might have gone over the line just a little to far.
Because the Twilight saga is wonderful no matter what you think. It’s helped me more than words can say. The only reason I can think of that would ever make you loathe it so is that you do not like Stephenie Meyer’s writing style which is normal or if you have not really read behind the words of her books and felt the meaning there. Either way, you just do not understand.
Bella (and yes, that is my real name; it’s actually on my birth certificate as Isabella- I was named after my great-grandmother)
P.S.
A Zuniga ~ Your response was great.
Oh, and all the people who think those who love the saga are all mindless, drooling, I-love-Edward (or any other male character in the books)!-He-is-so-hot! fans, YOU ARE WRONG! I surely know I’m not, and I KNOW I am obessed with the series. (And if I come back here and find someone trashing my name, I swear I will come out into cyberspace and teach you a lesson)
I found this article amusing, although there were quite a lot of points I disagree on.
1. It’s true that Meyer uses quite a plethora of words to describe things that may not need so many, but that’s simply her style, and it’s certainly not a bad thing. You wouldnt want to read “Edward said, Bella said, Carlisle said” every sentence. And descriptions paint better pictures for people to see. Meyer didn’t write this story to be a literary genius, but only to tell the world of her dream.
2. The research part is difficult for me to say. I know she definitely DID visit Forks, and her depiction of it seems pretty accurate as far as small towns in rainy states go. How much more can you say about it, if it isn’t exactly the central focus?
3. Most of the characters have personalities, although some seem a little stale, I admit. Bella isn’t exactly perfect, but yes, she’s rather up there as most heroines go. Far too many people find her attractive, when they dont even know her, and others when they do. In some ways, she must seem rather Mary-Sueish, but there are enough flaws in her to make it so that I find her more irritating than endearing. Edward, on the other hand, is without a doubt completely and impossibly impeccable. But he doesn’t lack personality either. He has his history, his desires, his motivations, and his values. A little unrealistic, but that’s only because nobody really knows any vampires, do they? Meyer’s Vampires on the whole seem pretty ridiculous, but there’s no definite rule saying that all vampire stories must adhere to the established non-official canon either.
4. Abuse isn’t exactly what I’d describe their relationship as. Most of the elements found there are common in most human relationships. Guys get jealous, that’s how life is. And Edward DOES fear for Bella’s safety. She’s hanging out with werewolves, come on. He does back off though, so we can’t say he’s completely unreasonable or inflexible.
5. The plot in the first book was rather lame, I have to admit, but it was never about plot anyway. It was just about two characters getting to know each other, fall in love, and overcome the obstacles between them. But the second and third books certainly have plots. Victoria, the Volturi, etc.
While it’s true, I’m definitely a Twilight fan, it doesnt mean the books lack flaws. A true fan is able to see them, acknowledge them, but still love the books for their better qualities. That also means that bashing criticism is just outright stupid.
Okay. I just reread my post, and I’m sorry if I insulted anyone. I was just a little *snort* little angry. What Kiett says is true; I agree most of it… expect for a few things about the characters.
The main thing, though, that was said is that Twilight was not really supposed to have such a huge plot. It was basically a love story, and an opening for the rest of the GOOD saga.
And honestly, I’ve never heard anyone complain about any other book as much as I’ve heard people yak-yak about this one. By god people! What makes this book so important that you have to talk about it (good or bad) all the time!?
Side note: This book is not really anti-feminist for all those people who are blind to that point. Read with a little more understanding and an open mind next time. I bet most of you already had your minds made up that you wearing going to dislike the books before you even read them.
i am a writing teacher. and i approve this message.
The Internet called. it was serious Business. *dies laughing*
I. Have a new Goddess. Thank You! Thank You!
I was sent here by my sister who, to quote.
“”As for Twilight, no, it’s worse. I’m not kidding you, the damn book would make an excellent creative writing text as an example of how not to write your story, complete with shallow (well, more like nonexistent) plot, bad characterization and no character growth, typos, misused words, bad grammar, purple prose……and the list just goes on like the Song That Doesn’t End. You know all of those bad LoTR Sue-fics in which the heroine is Elrond’s youngest daughter who isn’t mentioned in the movies but is more beautiful than Arwen etc ad nauseum and manages to have Legolas fall madly in love with her? Make Legolas an overbearing, controlling, arrogant, condescending and abusive asshole with sparkly skin and super powers and you’ve got Twilight. No shit, check this thing out of the library and read it, I guaranfarkingtee you that you will be hearing the character’s voices as something akin to caricatures from some old vaudeville melodrama.
Man, I need some industrial strength brain bleach. And yes, you can quote me on the above.”"
I thought, awww it’s bad, yeah. But this? This made me die laughing even more. Thought I’d share her response as well as it made me giggle, and might do the same for you. As someone who is one of 20 people in an entire community that Hasn’t read twilight, I am starting to thank my stars and garters for it. Because it seems to be full of nothing but the Nuttiest fans on the planet!
I love twilight, but I had a great laugh at your article… I thought it was funny, and techinically true. But, in my mind the good qualities out way the bad ones.
I can’t say I agree with you, but, hey, it’s your opinion right?
so i really don’t understand why everyone is debating Twilight and getting so pissed off about it in the process. it’s a book people. sure i really liked reading it but that doesn’t make me a crazy fangirl. it’s harry potter all over again. seriously grow up and discuss something of importance, like i don’t know who our next president should be?
I’m a fan of the books- but I’m under no delusions that they’re amazing works of literature or that they’re perfectly written. I just like them and read them for the entertainment value.
As for your article- it has some valid points, and when I’m writing my own book, I’ll probably come back to it for advice.
As for those who keep bashing you for flaming the books, you should just ignore them and keep writing these. Eventually everyone will at least be able to realize that they do have good points, and if they don’t, they can laugh- you do an excellent job of mocking the books and pointing out all the things that make them less than stellar.
Nicely said.
The books are trash, but to be honest that’s not even my problem with them.
My problem is that so many people are declaring Stephanie Meyer’ works “genius”. She has even won awards for the series. Huh? It’s a poorly-written teen copy of Anne Rice. Just like the Harry Potter books, they are nothing more than a direct plagiarism of other literary characters dumbed down for the lowest common denominator – which in this case are hoards of teen emo-girls.
The writing is lazy and devoid of any substance. The characters are flat sexist stereotypes. The girls are catty and are obsessed with boys and shopping. The men are knuckle dragging Neanderthals who can’t control themselves around the lead female character.
How many times has the storyline of the new girl in town captures the attention of everyone but she falls for the mysterious misunderstood stranger been used before? How many times can one person read a book about a beautiful but tortured vampire?
The only good that will come of this is that hopefully the children of today will move on to actual literature and keep on reading. There’s a larger world out there, and it is full of good books.
Reading Twilight causes a 90% chance of your eyes exploding.
Totally agree with this article.
I’ve read the Twilight serious and I still don’t really understand as to why I read them. I’ll admit there were a few good chunks, but over all it was boring and predictable.
I do think they’re hilarious, though. The drama makes me cry with laughter!
The only reason people are getting angry is because you’ve just pointed out every flaw that publishers usually put a manuscript in the can for, yet this somehow got published. They can fight against the truth of this all they would like, but the points you made are accurate with proof from the books to back it up. There isn’t much else that can be pulled from the books without turning a blind eye to it, and those calling you naive are being exactly that.
I read the books. I found the books amusing for a quick read. I liked them well enough to say that I don’t consider it a waste of time for myself, but I also agree completely with both articles on the bad writing and points of setting back feminism, especially since it is obvious that there are so many readers so influenced by the series and back it so passionately, that they’ll lash out at people for disagreeing with the morality of it.
It’s a fiction book, yes. But, the point of every story is to send a message. There is a THEME to every book and the theme of this series falls short.
Thanks for this. I was refusing to comply with m ysister’s demands that I read this series, because I had some suspicions that it might be exactly like what you’ve described here. I see now that I was obviously right, and I will continue to avoid these books like the plague.
And sadly, your guide on how to write a ‘good’ novel appears to have been followed by many authors. I was at a bookstore a while ago, and they had a table up of books to read if you’re bored over the summer. It would have been a wonderful idea, except for one thing: Every SINGLE one of those books was about vampires, and over half of them were obviously cheap knock-offs of Twilight at first glance. I’m not exaggerating. I looked at the summary for every single book. A sad day when all anyone can recommend to read is a terrible series and the other books trying desperately to copy it.
You give me so much hope for man and womankind ^___^!!!!!
Kellen Rice, you are my hero. I showed this article to a friend and she was impressed as well. Very smart, very funny.
I loved your previous article, as well as this one.
If you’re pissing people off, then you’ve done something right.
You’re pointing out such large flaws in a very unstable structure to a rabid fandom who’s maturity level leaves something to be desired. The Harry Potter fandom had many mature readers who didn’t get caught up in the ’shipping wars’ and I place that on the fact that Rowling IS an author, where Meyer is just a hack. This is not to say that HP certainly didn’t have a large group of immature fans, but I think it comes down to standards. Well written material will attract larger numbers of a mature audience.
When the flaws are so large in a whole series of books and it becomes detrimental to the readers, then I believe that the illusion needs to be shattered. The Twilight ‘Saga’ needs to have light shed upon it, even if all you get back in response is “OMFG BELLA + EDWARD ARE TRU LUV!”
It’s a beautiful thing. Well done!
Wow. This is an excellent dissection of the Twilight Saga. I started reading it in eighth grade, thought it was okay, so I decided to read New Moon. That was just a crappy book all around. My first thoughts were ‘Bella’s pathetic’. Eclipse was just…weird…And Breaking Dawn, I think that there should have been a fight at the end, to actually RESOLVE the little conflict there was. I’ve noticed that, as time went on, I started to like the book less and less…almost definately because I started reading stuff like George Orwell and Ray Bradbury and…H.G. Wells, for crying out loud.
All in all, I now find the series quite…’fan-fiction-y’, like something I would find on ff.net. Bella and Edward are both ‘Mary Sues’, and ‘Gary Stus’, respectively. Look up a Mary Sue Litmus Test and take it for them if you don’t know what that means. The series is disappointing.
Thanks for your opinion, love the reaction, hope you find better books in the future, as do the rest of the Twilight readers, and good luck with it!
~Kaitlin M., High School Sophomore, Amatuer writer and director.
well it was a very good article and YES I was laughing hard while reading it… But I also thought of something else while reading the article…
“WHY ARE THESE PEOPLE HATING THE BOOK SO MUCH? ITS JUST A BOOK”
Im a Twilight fan (not the crazy fangirl type)… and I think the twilight saga was interesting books (although I was shocked in Breaking dawn about bella giving birth oddly I was like O.o, but that feeling passed)… and I also thought of things like:
1. Its a FICTION BOOK!!! geez of course they wont research facts!!! they would make up things out of their imagination… I Admit it that Im a vampire fan since I was little(its true!!!) but this book didn’t even make me angry about the vampire facts cause vampires aren’t REAL and there also made out of pure IMAGINATION
(Im not angry I just love putting Exclamation marks ^_^)
2. I think Edward isn’t that rough on bella… I mean he was still easy on Bella even if he was jealous with Bella and Jacob
(In some cases that Ive read in magazines. A girl was abused with her highly jealous BF that he slashed the legs of the girl because he was jealous with the girl’s Best Friend (who was a guy)… blahblah blah…)
and last and foremost ITS JUST A BOOK PEOPLE!!! MADE OF FICTION… I know that SM’s book got flaws… NOBODY IS PERFECT ok ^_^v and I know that If somebody loves one thing, someone would definitely loathe it…
I dont hate this article because you are just sharing an opinion… but dont be too hard, time would pass and Im sure another book will be the bestseller… so chill and read more books…
PS: the twilight saga helped me with my vocabulary!!! my teacher got shocked when I used a complex type of word in class… ^.^
Hanz, Lisa & Kiett- I sure agree with you three!!!
I thought that Stephenie Meyer had released a ‘How to…’ guide on writing books until I realised that your article was a parody.
Seriously though, it was really good!!
I loved this!
I read it and started laughing a couple times.
It was amazing.
I think I’ll send this to my grade eight teacher.
She’s a librarian at the school too.
She will love this.
And your other one.
‘Twilight Sucks …’
Thanks!
It’s obvious that Meyer has never sat down and had a conversation with any of her characters. If she did, what would they talk about? Her main characters have no interests (besides each other) and supporting characters only appear to enhance Bella and Edward and their relationship and are completely 2 dimensional.
There are comparisons to J, K. Rowling’s HP series. This saddens me so. I feel I know more about Peter Pettigrew and Narcissa Malfoy than I do Bella Swan and Edward Cullen. Meyer’s works are just a great disappointment. There are inconsistencies (especially near the end of Twilight] when Jasper’s able to restrain himself as Bella is gushing blood after her fight with James, but isn’t when she gets a paper cut while opening a gift in New Moon). The plot is tacked on- almost as an afterthought. It seems as if Meyer simply sat down and put pen to paper. No brainstorming or any real thought went into this series- at least, I’m hoping not.
Anyway, I’m probably just repeating things you’ve already pointed out, Rice, and I’ll stop here. I enjoyed your articles- and agree with them whole-heartedly.
I don’t see what people are getting upset about? This is your opinion. (I SO agree with number 4.. it was the only thing I really didn’t like about the books) I happen to like the Twilight series. Obviously this is bashing Twilight and if it’s going to bother a person so much then why read it? People who get so worked up over things like this are silly. In muy opinion…
Thank you for opening my eyes!!! I must say that i did read all of the books and enjoy them, however they do not deserve the amount of attention they are getting, and SM’s writing abilities are not very good, but somewhere up the line someone said that other people influenced her to write it. I think some of your comments are little harsh. SM is not the person that made this book such a craze all the readers who found it romantic and adventurous did.
On a different note your comments about how Edward treated Bella, and how Bella, as a character, doesn’t have a voice, or a mind are words of wisdom. Express your opinion all you want! You made me go back and think twice about the book. Making people think is a good thing. Making them angry or proud are just the unfortunate or fortunate results.
Just keep in mind that there are intelligent people out there, just as insightfull as you that read this book and enjoy it, because it is an interesting concept and an new story. Sure it could have been much much better, but SM did her best, cut her some slack.
Keep writing!!! Please feel free to bash all of the books read, whether i end up liking them or not.
It also really really made me want to jump into the story and smack that stupid little Bella Swan when she was thinking about killing herself. I mean the man is not dead, well you know what i mean, he’s still out there. If all else fails, if you cann’t find anything else to live for, like your family, the friend you think you love, your vamp family, or for yourself the man could come back. I mean if you really love him try to find him (he can only be in sunless places anyway, and it’s obvious that at one point he’ll visit the vamps in Alaska)or wait(I mean she knows he loves her). If she really loved him she’d realize that if she died she would never ever see him again because he lives forever!!!- I mean Bella’s most defining characteristic is her ability to annoy people with her lack of thought, oh but wait…. I forgot she’s smart!?
-please excuse my views as a hopeless romantic.
Thank you for this. It’s nice to know that there are other literary-minded girls my age who can see beyond the OMG-HE-IS-SO-ROMANTIC crap that this sorry excuse for an author slapped onto a page.
ROFL. That made me laugh and laugh and then laugh some more. It also reminded me of Eragon but that failure of a book has to do more with plagiarism. xD
Love that. :3
Brilliant!
Your sarcasm/snark is A++. XD
Bravo! that was an excellent article! Everything you said was absolutely true! Although, I must admit, I did enjoy the first book, but the ones that followed were just downright terrible! New Moon was a completely depressing and utterly pointless novel. And Eclipse was even worse. Everything was so cliche. You have your average, everyday girl who just happens to meet this extroidinarily amazing immortal guy who always has to protect her and save her just at the right moment. I mean, come on, add a little creativity.
Although these are completely fictional books, they can be just a bit realistic. And I do agree that they set bad examples for many teenagers who are completely in love with the series as many are. Giving the impression that there are people out there who are completely perfect and everyone ends up with one. And Bella getting married at 18 (just for the sex) is completely idiotic. There is more to life than that.
I could go on forever, but I won’t. I loved the article and have sent it to all of my friends and fellow Breaking Dawn haters.
Something disturbing to ponder on…..
My classmate and her boyfriend PRETENDS to be Bella and Edward…now they’re masochist with legs…
Anyone who agrees that this is getting out of hand, say “AYE”
AYE, AYE, Captain Parade!
Since I am a teenager myself, I found the phrase “In the same way that people are not influenced by advertising or by peer pressure, reading novels does not have the least bit influence on anyone, least of all teenagers whose brains haven’t finished developing”, particularly accurate.
A large portion of my friends (one guy, the rest are girls(one stupid and fat)) are Twilight fans, and I’ll most likely send this to them, if only they would actually read them, and quit criticizing me for having at least an ounce of sense.
Thank you very much.
O shut up people…Are you article praisers serious? This chic wrote an entire article critizising a book about Vampires and WAREWOLVES and you people are praising her like this crap is actually something substantial!
I read the books. They were entertaining, which I believe was the point.
Honey, it’s obvious you want to write. That’s great. But in the time it took you to concoct these articles I am positive you could have written about something that mattered far more.
Whew! Felt good to practice MY 1st amendment rights.
LOL you seriously cracked me up! good job with your article, it was quite hilarious! anyway I am a “fan” of the series but I agree with most of what you have written(especially point 3, I CAN’T STAND BELLA), when I read these books, I see them as pure entrainment, because let’s face it, a good amount of girls are hopelessly romantic and Meyer did a good job creating this almost flawless vampire and this improbable couple that teenage girl could root for, so I’m not saying she’s an excellent writer, but she did create an enjoyable series that has to be taken for what it is with its limits and flaws. my point is, not all the readers of the books are completely being fooled! I’m pretty aware that it isn’t by no means a masterpiece, I simply see it as a fun reading, that’s all. I’m sorry you had to endure legions of Twilight fans bitching about your previous article!
319*, your argument is equally as weak as the twilight books. just because a novel is based on fantasy or fantastical creatures OR because it’s entertaining, DOESN’T mean it can’t be written well! does that logical point make ANY sense at ALL to you?
and don’t YOU have something better to do than criticizing her for practicing HER first amendment rights?!??! if a book is written and someone doesn’t like it, why can’t they express their dislike? especially if it’s done in a smart way–one that doesn’t resort to name calling or swearing or exclaiming her dislike without an explanation as to why. i SWEAR, you and ppl like you don’t realize just how idiotic you sound. the very argument that you’ve used aginst kellen can be applied to yourself. like stephenie myer you need to THINK before you write.
Excellent, excellent. You, my friend, speak the truth.
I too have read all the books and also that partial draft of Midnight Sun and I’m sorry to say, the two leads really are under-developed. To put it politely. Now, I love me some good YA brain-candy, but any genuine chemistry between these two is heinously under-written/lacking in large spots/completely absent. Disappointing.
So, pretty much, I agree with all of the points in this article and the previous one (except for Jacob’s ‘180′ in personality – I think he acted a douche as a coping mechanism, teenage boys you understand – plus we’re seeing everything from Bella’s POV and reliable narrator she is not).
Keep up the good work!
I’m amused by your article. It made me smile and I thank you for that. I have read the Twilight Saga and though I can see your points and understand where you are coming from, I still have the right to disagree with your opinion. I thought Twilight was beautifully written and fun to read. It’s a fictional story of the love between a Vampire and a girl. I’m very aware that the characters are not real. I’m sad for the young girls who are not 100% aware of that. But I recall being a young girl, reading a novel and falling in love with the boy on the cover. It’s fantasy. By the way, Elizabeth Bennett fell in love with Darcy AFTER she saw his big house. he was a rude jerk. A rude Rich jerk. very excusable.
Oh my god, I agree with you a hundred percent. And, to those who think that only former Twilight fans hate it, uhm, no. :3 I NEVER liked it. And quite honestly, Miss Meyer makes me wish I had other talents than writing.
It’s so wonderful seeing people with a mind and using it effectively. There are few people like that. Thank you so very much for writing this.
I’m extremely disappointed in the showing of slavering, misspelled, grammatically-incorrect rants here. I mean, we had a few (I especially liked Nikki bringing out the middle schoolers’ favorite “ur just ugly and cant get a date” attack), but really, I was hoping for more.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m pleased that there are fans who are able to craft a well-reasoned argument, but the entertainment value of these comments isn’t nearly has high as those on the last article.
Your point of view is very refreshing to me. I’ve read a lot of Twilight criticisms, but a lot of them seem to take certain parts of the book (such as “Look at this part on page 453, paragraph 8, where she says “angry at” instead of “angry with”! HA!) That really bothers me. It seems heavy handed and, honestly, desperate. But your criticism takes the books as a whole, citing things that happen multiple times and with more psychological importance than typos, grammatical errors, or OOC moments.
319*, it’s called critique. Just because Twilight is a fictional series doesn’t mean that it can be filled with purple prose, idiocy, misogyny, and impossible babies fathered by a vampiric stalker.
Everything that gets published gets critiqued, bashed, and loved. Twilight is no exception. Condescension aside, if she’s wasting her time to write something brilliant then your time is doubly wasted by reading it and choosing to embarrass yourself online.
Oh God. It’s all so true.
And to think, I used to drool over these books just like everyone else.
I fail so hard. >_<.
Confession: I actually liked the first Twilight book when I read it the first time.
However, upon rereading I was struck by how immature the writing was. I completely agree with everything you have said. Aside from that, the books get increasingly bizarre later in the series. The characters become caricatures of themselves and become even less believable later in the series and don’t even get me started on the plot elements that are introduced.
NOTE: The following is intended more for humor than to cause offense, though it is also a good representation of my opinion of these books. Do not get too offended.
Bella is a Mary Sue. These novels were an excuse for Ms. Meyer to create a character based on herself and to have said character have sex with a hot vampire and have magical powers.
THANK YOU for writing this and the previous article. I laughed, I cried, it was better than Cats.
Seriously.
*Hugs the author* THANK YOU!
You have just said what I though it my head when I read that damned book! <3
Can I marry you? :3
*giggles* Nice one, Zoe. I’m so glad I never read that series…
If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s a shallowly developed character. And lack of plot, too! Just thinking of it makes me want to pass out again…
Your sarcasm brightens my night the more I read it! Oh, I want to hug yooooooou!
I don’t really get your point. I mean..you really think Bella is the personification of a sexist carachter? Come on, the girl chooses to treat her own life to save her family. She actually can think more than just loving Edward Cullne. In the first book, she ran away from his family, to face death, so her mom could live. I don’t know about you, but I guess every girl who really loves her family, would do that. If she was actually sexist, she would not have the guts to do it. She would be fragile, and no choice would be given to her. She would be just like a little puppet.
And, well, it’s said that you’re nineteen, right? How many girls do you know that have cried her lungs out, over a ending relationship? Everybody has it’s own way to suffer. To deal with pain. And, unfortunatelly, many people get serioulsy depressed. It’s not as unusal as you may think. In some ways, it’s like dealing with death, ’cause after all, the person it’s dealling with loss.
When I read New Moon it was very clear that Bella had no intentions to kill herself. She can actually understand the importance of people beeing around her. Like Charlie and Jacob. Ans she would run of the nightmares. Suicidal people would run into the nightmare. And even depressed Bella could managea to skip out of the numness and actually have a alife. She goes back to her friends. She feels confused about Jacob. If Edward never came back, she would live. All the elements in the book leads you to that point.
And you actually criticized Edward’s behaviour for beeing protective. I’m sorry, but if someone was trying to actually kill you, in a very painfull way, wouldn’t you want your boyfriend to care if you lived or died? And I’m not sure if you remeber, but Bella actually ignore his protectiveness and go to LaPush without his knowledge. It doesn’t sound sexist to me that she does that. They don’t have any rules to be obeyed. They don’t obey each other. They just care about each other.
I don’t think Jacob sexually abuse Bella.He’s a teenager doing some drama. In the end, she kisses him, beacuse she want’s to. And the firt kiss..come on, was that sexual abuse? He only surprises her with a kiss. He doesn’t even force her to. If that’s sexual abuse, many movies should be proihibeted.
I truly believe criticism it’s important. You have all rights to expose your opinion. But I believe that you must have some solid arguments. Not liking S. Meyer’s writting is one thing. Saying that she is a bad writter is something completely different. You’re nineteen so you don’t know much about life. Maybe not even about love. Love is to actuallu care about the other person. To let the other person to choose. Bella and Edward have those options. I just think that befoe you go this radical about something you should do some research with the readers.
Best of luck,
In response to Juliana’s comment:
“Come on, the girl chooses to treat her own life to save her family. She actually can think more than just loving Edward Cullne. In the first book, she ran away from his family, to face death, so her mom could live. I don’t know about you, but I guess every girl who really loves her family, would do that. If she was actually sexist, she would not have the guts to do it. She would be fragile, and no choice would be given to her. She would be just like a little puppet.”
Had she really cared for her family, Bella would not have transformed into a vampire because one would think that she’d have enough sense not to say, “Bye Mom! Bye Dad! I’m going away forever to let you die so I can get a really hot guy. Oh, and I’m immortal so I’ll continue to live years and years after you die, but I don’t really care if you’ll miss me or not. I’ll just check in … occassionally.” Do I even need to mention the hundred times she was mentioned as a fragile, self-insufficient little girl?
“How many girls do you know that have cried her lungs out, over a ending relationship? Everybody has it’s own way to suffer … When I read New Moon it was very clear that Bella had no intentions to kill herself. Ans she would run of the nightmares. Suicidal people would run into the nightmare. And even depressed Bella could managea to skip out of the numness and actually have a alife. She goes back to her friends.”
Umm, she goes back to ONE friend and talks to the others ONLY because her dad wanted to send her home. Besides, the near-catatonic state that lasted for a month and the six-month depression was COMPLETELY normal … who doesn’t go through that? [sarcasm, in case you couldn't tell.]
“I don’t think Jacob sexually abuse Bella.He’s a teenager doing some drama. In the end, she kisses him, beacuse she want’s to. … He doesn’t even force her to. If that’s sexual abuse, many movies should be proihibeted.”
Jacon kisses Bella without permission. He FORCES her. The time in which Bella initiates another kiss is only to save Jacob, not because she wants to kiss him.
To Kellen Rice,
Your article was amazing and absolutely witty because it was so true.
If only all the delusional Twilight fans [not all Twilight fans in general, just the delusional ones] could see that …
@ Pau
….
No words.
As for the author of this article, those who agreed with her, those that didn’t, but were perfectly rational and mature about it, and those who are fans of Twilight but recognized its flaws, I love you all. You’ve taught me to believe in humanity again. <3
Ms. Rice, and I wish to have your non-back-breaking-ridiculously-named-hellspawn babies.
Unless we actually gave birth to Spawn, because that would be bitchin’. ;3
*gets in the love line~! 8D*
My god.
I think I love you.
You are amazing.
I’m a fan of the series, but I’m also a lover of the classics, so I will approach this article in a different way by taking on a side, but pointing out something else.
Granted, you dislike the series and shake your head with utter disgust at the “incompetency of the book”. That’s fine, because everyone is entitled to their opinion after all, and every published article deserves a critic. However, I think I get SOME ( I stress on that because I know that the others are merely emotionally driven by their twilight obsession) people who replied here when they say that the article was written for bashing purposes. I’m not a literary student, but I think I’ve read more than enough to know that this article is poorly written. In as much as it tries to be a “critique”, it fails to actually dissect the story to the core and hides under the false pretense that it’s critiquing the story “objectively”.
Most of you readers who agreed with this article will probably think that “wow, here’s another reader who tries to defend the book through some other lame subtle excuse.” On my part, I just think that for a a person who claims she’s a literary student and who most likely wants to be a writer, the approach to critiquing is so crude and amateur. The kind of amateur that makes it so hard to believe that this is written by one who seems to love literature and an aspiring writer. Even the best of the satirists and critics manage to give some form of respect to literary work they’re antagonizing (and this IS a work of literature, no matter what you think). This is flat out disrespectful and horrifying.
To the author: Nothing personal, but if you aspire to someday belong to the classics you often love to name drop and quote, I think that you could produce a much better satire–one that exudes your true talent as a writer. One that would garner respect even from some Twilight fans because of its Hopefully I’ll be reading a much more refined and objective critique of Twilight from you soon.
Peace.
oops, correction.
” so I will approach this article in a different way by NOT taking on a side, but pointing out something else.
KELLEN YOU SEEM VERY INTELLIGENT TO CARE ABOUT WHAT THIS IGNORANT PEOPLE WHO DEFENDS THIS “BOOKS” SAY! HAHA YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RIGHT! THE PEOPLE SAY THIS BECAUSE, (AS DUMBLEDORE SAYS) IT’S MORE EASY TO SOMEONE TO RECKON OTHER MISTAKES THAN THEIR OWN.. THEY ARE STUPID HAHA GO AND READ HP IGNORANTS!!
LOVE YOU KELLEN!
PD: I AM FROM ARGENTINA SORRY FOR THE ENGLISH!:)
this is better than all those “self-help boooks” and “how to become a millionaire…” combined!
I used to be a huge Twiliighter, so I can’t say I’ve never loved these books. But after reading Breaking Dawn I was so turned off by them, when I went back to re-read them, they just read so…horrible. I know/knew the fandom inside and out, so I can tell you, your analysis is right on.
Kellen, you are a brilliant satirical writer, and I think you do have a valid opinion, no matter what an influx of fans with the words “Bite Me” in their names have to say.
And for all those who are still saying SMeyer writes for herself, you never, ever, ever write for yourself. Unless you are writing a diary, in which you will burn upon your death. Every time you write a piece, even if you are writing “just for fun” you have an audience, consciously, or subconsciously in mind. They teach that in school in fourth grade.
you should write a book on how to write a book. this entire article is brilliance.
I am speechless at your audacity. Most people would have backed down or apologized after the reviews of the first article, or even attempted to explain what lit crit is all about, but you kept your head and employed glorious satire to further your point. Not that the HOMG HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE IT?!?! people will listen, but… wow. That took serious guts.
Well done.
Oh fucking brilliant. This…ladies and some gentlemen, is satire at its best. Kellen Rice, you are a freaking genius. Now I know exactly how to make writing that sucks just like Meyer’s books do. It will spawn a generation of horrible Mary-Sue writers who’ll degrade our generation further more.
But seriously, I love how you pointed out the flaws in the writing style of Twilight. The fact that she did NOT RESEARCH the background of the Forks or the tribes annoyed me. Now occasionally a rabid fangirl will go orgasmic when she walks around the quiet town of Forks. In fact, Forks is hardly anything like the book portrays it. At least the tourism is picking up a bit, but it’s still stupid they’ll label it as the Twilight Town.
The word ’scintillating”. Was Meyer trying to say scintillating like a star? My English teacher would have laughed at her abuse of adjectives, using them to over excess. She’s not the best writer around, still she should know this. Maybe she should try reading her books out loud.
You guys are butthurt idiots. Take a chill pill damn it. Don’t blow off your rage at an article when the writer made it clear she disliked the series. Nobody asked you to read it. Rant on you own livejournal/myspace blogs and I’m sure few people will give a damn about your sob stories. Have a nice day.
You have every right to like or dislike the book. The problem is that your review sounded like you skimmed the book expecting to hate it. You didn’t like the authors version of a vampire because they did things that are not physicaly possible. I quote one of the sound rebukes you recieved” Vampires are mythical creatures, and work on metaphysics rather then physics. They neeed to be consistent with the baseline given in the book, and they are” So what if these vampires can go out in the light, sire children or hunt in heels. How do you know what happens to a vampires sperm in this reality? It is never stated how they come to their unaging state at all.
If Edward and Bella had no personalities you would not hate them. What you are saying is that you personally disapprove of their personalities and their relationship and that Bella doesn’t act like YOU expect her to. You would do diffrently. That implies that you get a rather good feel for her personality.
What do you dislike about their relationship so much? Sure it deviates from what a shrink would encourage, but don’t most relationships? Certainly any worth reading about. Is a relationship where the two people stay together because they are compatible and good for each others growth at this point, and easily discarded if a different way of life becomes more profitable and healthy better? I guess I like the love at first sight can’t live without ya kind of thing. At least in a book. Why does this bother you?
OK, the grammar sucks. But yours isn’t much better. Even so, it doesn’t detract from the enjoyment of the book. Thats the whole point right? To tell a fun story, not to give instruction on English sentese structure.
Of course the fact that the book is a best seller is something you can’t just ignore. Its a little arrogant to say something that many people love in an age where books are not going over big has no value except to laugh at. Its OK to say a book isn’t to your taste. Its not OK to say that you don’t think its reasonable for others not to like it.
You really are easily impressed. I agree with Linda. Its not the research or the elegance of the work that matters. It is how well the stry touches your reader. Clearly Meyers did that very well.
I believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinions. But did you happen to think about the young girls who adore these books? The girls who look at Bella as a hero for overcoming what she has. You didn’t look at the bright points of the stories. Edward Cullen is a gentleman, when he broke up with Bella he was doing it with her best interests in mind but he loved her so much that he came back! Can you find a man in this day and age that isn’t taken or gay and who would do that for the girl he loved? I still haven’t found one. Yes you make a good point but what was the true reason that you went back and finished the story? Is it because you were addicted? If the series is such a literary mess then why didn’t you just stop reading?! There are many people in this world who adore these books, you are among a small fraction who don’t. Sorry you didn’t like it. Stop complaining about it, pick up another book to read and move on!
Correction: there are quite a number of people who dislike the book too.
There are plenty of gentlemen still left in the world, so don’t be so negative, you just need to meet the right man for YOU. What Twilight can do is set too many high standards for guys who can’t be the perfect Edward for the Twilight reading girl (and yes, it has happened before. Trust me.)
I’m not only focusing on the research and grammar, even though I emphasized it in my post. It’s the fact that she admitted it had no real moral or theme to begin with. If my favorite author said that I’d be very disappointed because how could that even be possible? But if you combine that with her twisted vampire lore and little knowledge of the locations, cultures she used…I just don’t know. It seemed like she wasn’t trying too much to construct a ‘novel’ and just wrote off her fantasy she was having about eavesdropping a couple. The series itself has hardly any consistency, as one could see why Breaking Dawn disappointed many readers. Though I understand the author is probably trying to talk about Twilight for now. It may not be the worst story to ever exist, but it is strange to think why it deserved so much attention. If it wasn’t such a well known book I probably would just ignore the whole matter, but because it’s currently a hot subject that even TIMES Magazine would name her as ‘influential’…yeah. The fact that a lot of girls in my school (except for me and 30 others who don’t know about it) are consuming these books rabidly, comparing her ‘greatness’ to JK Rowling is just weird. It just wasn’t THAT good or THAT original. Like Hanna Montana. She isn’t the best singer around but thousands of little girls adore her because of…well I don’t even know. Her identity as a role model? Ok I’m not going to even going to bring her into this discussion so I’m going to leave it at that. Bottom line, the author of this article, Kellen Rice is saying the truth. She isn’t ignoring any good themes, but her intention was to point out flaws from story telling to development. I personally think it’s very helpful to anyone who does want to produce bad fanfiction, or at least aim to become a future writer. Oh well, laters.
You forgot the most important part. When spoilers that fans saw coming two books ago from your upcoming book get leaked, don’t respond the way every major author in the last fifty years has and give noncommittal nonanswers to the correctness of the leak. Instead just can all future planned continuations or companion works for the series.
lmao, it’s so perfect that we have Twitards comparing Malcolm X and SMeyer.
These two articles are perfection, and I was almost thinking that nobody else saw just how harmful and wrong and sexist these books were, as opposed to just badly written tripe.
Though I barely got through half the first chapter of the first book in the series (I already ran out of Brain Bleach after the first few pages), I agree with you completely. I have come across amateur writers that are infinitely better than Ms. Meyer (only web etiquette is keeping me from addressing her in another, offending, way).
I just hope that Twilighters (as Ms. Meyer’s books’ fans call themselves) don’t take everything whatever scrap of wisdom they can get (if there really is any) from the series to heart.
If we’re not allowed to say Twilight sucks because we haven’t sold a zillion books, they’re not allowed to say they like it because THEY haven’t sold a zillion books. How can you truly appreciate and give an opinion on a book series if you aren’t an author yourself? xD
I loved this, and the previous one too. Amazing job, I agree whole-heartedly.
I cant believe that Clarissa chick compare Stephanie Meyer to Malcolm X.
I decided to skip through most of the comments, just to say this:
All of you who are defending Stephanie Meyers are constantly reiterating that the Twilight series is simply “meant to be enjoyed” and not “critically analyzed” like a piece of iconic, standard literature.
Here’s the problem – millions of you incessant fangirls run around acting like Twilight is the next Pride and Prejudice – the great literary love story of the 21st century. IT’S NOT for one, and our arguments are reinstating our beliefs that STEPHANIE MEYERS RECEIVES WAY MORE CREDIT than she deserves as a writer.
Yeah, she’s admitted to her weaknesses as a writer, sure the Twilight series is meant to be a “guilty pleasure” and not heralded at classic literature – but fucking fangirls act like these stupid books are God’s gift to the Earth – and that’s where WE have the right to express our opinion – so GTFO if you don’t like it.
BTW at least characters like Elizabeth Bennet had some personality. And I know someone argued that the theme of “all-consuming love” is prominent in a lot of literature classics, but here’s the thing with those stories: THEY ARE WELL WRITTEN. They do not describe the male protagonist as having “incandescent smooth pale skin, a deep penetrating stare and sharp, defined cheek bones”. And that’s not just on one page – it’s like in every other chapter.
I agree with the person above. I also think that Twilight does not deserve the attention it has today. Being dead serious here. If any of you Twilight crazed fans want more works like Stephanie Meyer, I suggest you go to a lovely place called fanfiction.net. Although that can be taken back, since I do know decent fan fiction writers online who deserve to have their works published. Meyer is not one of them.
OH thank-you god! Finally, another free-thinker! Hopefully the fan-girls will learn from this, because, in all honesty, they really scare me. I spoke ill of Twilight in my English class and one of them threatened to kill me. Twilight’s fangirls are even worse than the books themselves. (If it’s possible)
Also I agree with that Alessandra person above my comment. Meyer writes like a poor fan-fic
Wow..I am completely speechless. There should definitely be more poeple like you in this world. ^_^
Oh thanks – this was a great read. I work in a bookshop and selling Stephenie Meyer to people who geniunely believe that she is a literary genius is brutal.
And this fandom? Scares the shit out of me.
ahaha it’s funny cause i actually really like the Twilight Series, but this was just hilarious. I think you’re a great writer and I can totally see where you’re getting your thoughts on. kudos for putting this out there. I like hearing another opinion of the book
Well, I used to absolutely adore Stephenies books (Actually, I was reading your articles with Breaking Dawn open on the desk – this is only the 3rd time I’ve read through the series) but your witty reviews have allowed me to actually stop reading the books with a vision of Edward and all his perfection clouding my perception and actually start READING them. I was surprised to find, that you are totally and utterly right.
The reason people like these books is because they put themselves in the position of Bella – a position where the most (Aesthetically) perfect guy in the universe, without any effort on their part and absolutely no preliminaries, claims that they love them and would die for them.
After reading your reviews I can really, really start to escape the mob hysteria, that fan girl state of mind where they act as though the books have feelings and they must defend them armed with txt talk and no facts or reasoning. I can see that all the characters are totally flat – all this talk of them going to college, to do what? What is Bella good at? What was her goal in life before Edward came along? And how perfect she is (But she doesn’t see it – modesty, another thing to add to her list) with this one flaw that the whole plot relies on. Edwards abusive for gods and and Jacob, like, forced himself on Bella twice, but they love her. I MEAN WHAT THE HECK! I’m just noticing how annoying it is, no evidence of her intelligence, the books she reads tacked in their as loose support. They’re just so… so… GAH! I don’t know how to say it, they are just stupid, stupid books! STUPID I TELL YOU! AND SHE NEVER SHUTS UP ABOUT HOW FREAGGIN HOT EDWARD IS EVEN THOUGH SHE ARGUES WITH JAKE THAT IT’S NOT ABOUT GOOD LOOKS! When ever she sees him shes all like ‘Ooooh, dreamy! Your beauty is breathtaking.’ but she hardly ever talks about any of his personality traits! Its like JEEZ STEPH, WE GET IT! AHHHH! ITS LIKE YOU DO THIS JUST TO UP YOUR WORD COUNT AND ITS DRIVING ME INSANE, WE KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE FOR GODS SAKE! AND ANOTHER THIN -
I’m sorry, the realization that my favourite books are not as perfect as I thought they were and the writer I worshipped and aspired to be like is a sham has made me mentally unstable.
You are truely talented – you have turned me, an overly obsessed, blind fan girl who talked endlessly on the phone to her friends about how perfect Edward is, into a more critical (When it comes to books) person who will, from now on, not be swayed into liking a book because it has pretty boys in it.
I love you. Now, I have to go and board up my windows and nail my doors shut because I can hear a mob of my friends coming…
x
No, seriously thought, you are really, really good.
BELLA IS SUCH A PUSHOVER MAN! I mean, its an insult to the female race! Bloody nora.
Sorry, I’ll go now…
Your good. You turned me on the books that I once only opened at a 45 degree angle so I wouldn’t crease their spines.
THANKYOU! THANKYOU SOOO MUCH! finally someone that has a BRAIN! all of what you said is so true, and i seriously think you are a genius. everyone i know absolutely adores this stupid series and its really difficult to find someone that actually knows what they are talking about. you see, stephenie meyer isnt even a serious author. she just wrote that crap for herself, and somehow it got pubsished and now we are sorrounded by a bunch of stupid teenage girls getting the wrong idea of what love is. these series are a serious disrespect for women, and i am soo happy that the world still has people with brains
You have a right to speak your mind Ms. Rice, but so do those who don’t like your mind. I am personally addicted to the Twilight series. She did her research- Forks has a web site showing the places she mentioned in her book. She doesn’t have to be biologically correct about Bella’s pregnancy-the baby is half-vampire it’s gonna be different. It’s a fantasy book there are certain scientific rules that can be ignored. Edward admits he is wrong for his jealousy- it stems from insecurity not from a need to control Bella. If you go to Meyer’s website, she admits she is not perfect, that she is still learning. She also calls herself a character writer- her characters react the way they do because that’s how they developed in her writing. Lots of girls react the way Bella does when Edward left- how would react if love of your existence left you? There was never any romance between Bella & Jacob, she just considered it an option because she knew how Jacob felt & thought Edward wasn’t coming back, but knowing she didn’t feel romantic love for Jacob. Bella is not a damsel in distress she just has bad luck. She can’t defend against vampires, she didn’t even realize she was about to get hit by a car, & she was ready to fight those men who were planning to do only God knows what to her. And Bella isn’t a temptress-she’s a horomone-driven teen girl. She reacts the way any girl would react to her guy’s kiss; the reason Edward pulls away is because he could kill her, not because he wants to perserve their virtures. Technically, Edward is 17- if she had your Elektra complex she wouldn’t have had the nightmare about 17 yr old Edward & 70 yr old her. Furthermore, she is far from perfect; she’s stubborn, impatient, overreactive, selfish, and has some odd commitment issue (opposed to marriage but not becoming a vampire). Edward did prevent Bella from seeing Jacob, but then realized she wouldn’t be around him if he really would rip her throat out after phasing and suppressed the prejudice he had against Jake for being a werewolf. And Bella gets pissed about this- she doesn’t say “oh he’s just being overprotective” she rebels & runs off with Jake & gets mad at Edward for not letting her see him. And there is intimacy in their relationship- intimacy is more than sex or even a physical relationship-do you really think people engaging in one-night stands are being intimate? Nooooooo-they’re fucking! That’s not intimacy-intimacy is letting another person know & wanting to know them right back-hopefully you’ll have sex but if you don’t that doesn’t mean you don’t have intimacy- and they do have a physical relationship, it just doesn’t go farther than kissing because he might kill her. So where’s the sexual coercion? No one is forcing anyone else to have sex.
And remember, in New Moon she’s the one who saves him-he is about to commit suicide so he doesn’t have to live without her & she runs up to him before he walk into the sunlight, exposing vampires & provoking the Volturi. She rescues herself there too- if it weren’t for her extraordinary immunity to most of their little gifts she wouldn’t have been spared by the Volturi, they would’ve just eaten her.
I can sense both your feelings of being rebuked and rejected. As someone who thinks she has to explain herself, you went to the extreme and truly show the true Kellen Rice- amateur.
The sarcasm you put into your latest ‘article’ confirms this. You were simply shocked with the animosity of the responses. You should know more about fans and how they react to reading something unfavorable, of course such comments are to be expected.
You should be the first to be aware of the fact that your article is going to be read and people will react- positively or negatively. You could have done the best thing- be magnanimous, but instead you allowed your emotions to get over you.
In time you’ll realize you missed the opportunity. You could have elevated yourself as a reputable writer….
Satire done poorly such as this is the lowest form of literature; it’s just sarcasm-something most people of even low intelligence are capable of-written down. I would rather stick my nose in a raunchy adult comic book than read poorly written satire.
Wow! It’s Eragon — except with sparkly sexy vamps instead of elves/dwarves/dragons and a sex-change for the author self-insert.
Does it also have the near-continuous string of uninentional canonical slashfic setups like Eragon and Left Behind?
Fuck all y’all.
This essay is GOLD.
You get as mad as you want at these douchebags.
You’re my favorite journalist in the world. Without a doubt.
YES! You know, since Twilight fans are BETTER than the other fans, they have a right to tell us . . . that we HAVE to like this book! It ‘doesn’t make sense’ not too.
I mean, come on. I could write a book about a prancing heap of dog poo and it would turn out better than Twilight.
But no! All I would have to do, is make up some ordinary girl fall in love with something I’m calling a vampire. BINGO! How could I not have seen it before! Teenagers LOVE shitty writing!
What’s even better? I’ll throw in a ’sex scene’ to make the fans feel like they’re all grown up reading about sex. How perfect.
Twilight is stupid, and your article is hilarious, that’s all I can say before swarms of fangirls kill off the brain cells I have remaining. Is there any book you could recommend for someone who doesn’t want to wade through miles of crap?
Haha. I’m printing both of your articles, and handing them out in school. I’m a Junior in high school– and I’m surrounded by this shit.
Just last year, I wrote a 33-page short story for English that was highly thought of, and everyone thought it was good. Why? It’s called I can write, I can proofread, use proper grammar, and have a plot that makes sense, as well as have logic behind my fiction.
All Twilight is is a idiot magnet for anyone that has no mind capable of imagining, and they stick to things such as this book only because it’s something equal to their lame, unrealistic fantasies in written form.
People tell me all the time I’m ’sooo good’ at giving advice and the like. Well, you want to know why? It’s called I’m in on the real world.
The fact that these were the first books she ever wrote is no excuse.
I’ve read other books that were an author’s first, and while the writing wasn’t necessarily perfect, the stories were so good that I didn’t mind being tripped up occasionally by odd sentence structure or the like.
Sounds like Twilight can’t boast the same.
I had a coworker harassing me to read these books… but now I don’t think I will. Glad I found this.
Thank you for this article. It was highly amusing, especially since I’m surrounded by Twilight fans constantly trying to get me to read the books. I should direct them all to this and your other article.
Whenever I criticise an author, I usually get people jumping down my throat about “not being qualified to make those comments because I haven’t published a book”. Perhaps I should take your advice so I can actually say that my cat can write a better novel. (As he’s chewing on my arm…) If people who made that comment knew anything about literature, they would actually realize that a lot of great authors (i.e Edgar Allan Poe and Victor Hugo) never actually made much money off of their literature and, therefore, selling 1.3 million books in a day isn’t necessary for someone to say they can write something better than Twilight.
Good God, I may just be in love with you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I read your “Twilight sucks” and now I’ve just finished this follow-up.
And let me say you really hit the ball in the park.
I dislike the series, I’m not much for analyzing literature but I did pick up on Edwards overbearing attitude was and how unbelievable it was, that I was left wondering “How could you let someone do that to you?”
Then to state that I said to one of my friend “Edward is a fag! xD.”
And have her roll off her bed trying to strangle me, spitting out that “HE IS NOT A FAG! HES AMAZING.” Really made me worried about the effect of this series on others.
When I read this I was pretty amazed that you had explored and shot-down every aspect of the novel thats just wrong, maybe you’ll help some thick-skulled twilight-tards realize that twilight isn’t actually that great, and Edward is pretty much an A-Hole. ( :
I love you xD
*gallops away*
I am in love with you. Seriously.
For the longest time I have hated the Twilight series with a burning fiery passion and for the life of me couldn’t figure out why. I figured it was simply because the characters were poorly characterized and because Bella acted out of character to herself so often. Possibly because I as throughout the entire thing striving to find some kind of real tangible flaw to pick out on Bella and adhere to, or possibly the excuse I use at school for hating Twilight and what keeps people from arguing with me on the topic:
“The book is supposed to be about vampires, yet throughout the entire first book there is a sad lack of people getting their throats ripped out. That, sir, is not right.”
These last two articles have given me new found hope and reason, and I finally know that I’m not crazy or just simply cold and unfeeling, having no understanding of ‘love’ or anything of that sort.
Another fantastic piece. I have to say, I enjoyed this more than Twilight.
Haha. That made me laugh.
Because truth is humourous. =]
You are my hero! It is so nice to finally see someone articulate why this series is so awful! The fact it is now being made into a film frightens me. A part of me hopes they deviate from the book as films tend to do. It might have a plot and not suffer from all the abuses you mentioned above.
You rock!
I love you?
In response to Erica: we all enjoy a good raunchy comic book from time to time..a slightly obtuse comparison for satire that is, in my opinion, quite masterfully executed. It is also intereresting that you choose to remark on the literary skills of Rice, given you are a fan of Twilight. Come on, fangirls, we didn’t read Twilight for the literature. The books were quite enjoyable as escapist romances but I have to admit Rice makes very valid points. I thoroughly enjoyed both articles-thanks for making me a little more aware of the garbage I emmerse myself in.
Bella=worst female character in history (with the possible exception of Medusa).
Thank you thank you thank you. With this article and the last, it feels like you’ve validated my hate for this series. Yes, HATE. Hate is a strong word, but it’s how I feel about these atrocious books. Reading them, I felt a part of me die inside. Bella is pathetic. There is a no plot. There are no personalities. No morals. No f*cking common sense nor human courtesy.
Wonderful articulation of why Twilight is a pathetic excuse for a book (why it’s popular, I’ll never understand, I could hardly get through NM – not to mention Eclipse and BD! Yuk).
The Twilight series is glorified fan fiction with an “original story”. Who the hell edited and approved the trash for publication in the first place?
If she had a lot less luck and three hundred extra pounds, Stephanie Meyer would be just like most of her readerbase. Here’s hoping the entirety of the Twilight Defence Force have coronaries immediately upon watching the film.
Beautiful. Why should you be criticized for criticizing a terrible book? In all honestly, Castlevania fanfiction is better than Twilight. You know your book is chauvinistic when even the guys cringe!
Oh this so made my day.
I loved all the sarcasm and the readers comments were just a cherry on top!
bravo! i look forwards to reading more of your articles.
Thank you so much for this article! It really galls when people don’t think through about the media that’s handed to them, especially the “It’s just a book!” excuse, or the “This is what teenage girls like to read, cut down on the feminazism!”
Yeah, the latter makes me scream and wish I could take scissors to the books, not that vandalism accomplishes anything. I’m fourteen. I consider myself feminist. I’m a lit student. And I hate Twilight with a vengeance, because of the poor quality of writing, because of the marketing tactics, and because of the antifeminist concepts.
As for those who say that SMeyer makes so much money because of her talent, and that her critics can’t write… Since I was five, I’ve wanted to be an author. Since I was five, I’ve been practising! And there’s no way I’d let anything of mine be published at this stage, because I know I haven’t got to the stage yet where what I write is truly the best I can do. Anyone who sells out when they know their writing’s not fit for the public – who are still “writing for themselves”, blissfully immune to critical analysis – isn’t ready for publication.
Thank you for this article. It helps to know that sanity still exists.
I know that it’s not written well at all, most of the characters are mary-sue-ish or without personality, and a lot of what happens makes NO sense and yet somehow the books still managed to reel me in so that time just flew by.
It’s insanity really, because all of the books remind me of fanfiction on so many aspects.
But I am glad for the time at work the series made fly by and I didn’t even have to buy the books! Just borrow them from a friend.
Interesting article! Once again, I’m glad I didn’t waste my money if Twilight is like that. I also like your point about how stupid it was that people were saying that you shouldn’t say you didn’t like something until you become a best seller. So, in other words, the people who liked the book can say they liked it, but no one can dislike it as long as it’s super-popular!
I noticed the same thing happens in other fandoms too. That breaks this law here, which I got from pottersues on livejournal:
“When you ask somebody to try their own hand at something before criticizing your (or someone else’es) efforts, you have violated Ebert’s Law and lost the argument. Roger Ebert is not a filmmaker, but he knows what he likes and doesn’t, and has every right to say so. Similarly, people don’t need to be chefs to recognize a good restaurant, or musicians to appreciate a symphony.”
P.S.
I remembered you mentioned before that five minutes after Bella met Edward, she gave up all of her ambitions because he was the center of her life. I think it would be more interesting if she didn’t love him, but decided to figure out a way to get immortality from him. Now that would be an more interesting story.
Here’s another vamp-related idea: how about instead of the vampire character being all noble, rich, and aristocratic, he/she lives in a trailer park because he/she is poor. Also said person owns a shotgun to kill zombies (whether the zombies actually exist is debatable.)
Feel free to use any of these ideas, aspiring writers! The only writing I do is one-shots on fanfiction.net or when my professors make me!
“If you’re worried that this might send a bad message to young, hormonal teenagers struggling through their own romantic relationships, don’t be. After all, as Heather says, “This is a BOOK a FICTIONOUS BOOK”, and no one has ever been influenced by a work of fiction in the history of the world, ever. Not even people back in the 1800s who read books like Uncle Tom’s Cabin. In the same way that people are not influenced by advertising or by peer pressure, reading novels does not have the least bit influence on anyone, least of all teenagers whose brains haven’t finished developing.”
Interesting comment. I’m sure not everyone who reads this series will have their brains wreaked, but the message this book sends does have some influence. I know some teens (and adults, too, never forget that even older generations are subject to peer pressure, despite the mass-belief that only teens have this problem) are less subject to peer pressure than others, but this book is yet another example of the messed-up gender dynamics our society has.
I think love is beautiful and wonderful, but a relationship as screwy as the Bella/Edward one doesn’t sound like love to me. A man (or woman) that you love shouldn’t be literally your whole life.
Totally agree. I read the first two books, and was thoroughly disappointed. I am sixteen—and yes, I suppose my brain is not fully developed. But I certainly will not take Twilight as a good example for healthy living. I’ve got a boyfriend who I love dearly, and I believe that a REAL relationship requires equality. Thank you very much for your concise anti-doormat heroine criticism. The books were a letdown, and everything you pointed out were things that bothered me while reading. How many synonyms of “glowing” can she use, anyway?
Contemporary literature is starting to become nothing worthwhile.
Oh Kellen. You manage to convey my feelings as well. All without the abuse of the thesaurus. This made me smile.
Personally, I love the series. I’ve read it five times over and it’s still just as entertaining as it was the first time. However, I will admit that it’s a guilty pleasure and that SM’s writing style does sound like some 12 year-old’s corny fanfic. But that’s not my concern when I’m reading the books. I’m more worried about if Victoria will somehow manage to get past Edward this time around and get Bella, or that the Volturi will just go and catch all the Cullens on fire for whatever unjustified reason.
The thing with fictional books is that they’re not meant to be taken so seriously. It’s just a story, you know? Purely for entertainment purposes. I don’t see why every little thing has to be torn apart and searched for flaws anymore. Can’t it just be read and then be done with? Like Harry Potter, Twilight will eventually lose its popularity. So why waste your time complaining about how awful it is just so you can get bashed for it, or complimented, depending on who’s listening? {Or in this case, reading.}
In a world of over 6 billion people, no one’s going to care about one student’s opinion on a vampire novel, just as no one’s going to care about my comment on said opinion. Go ahead, say what you want, but it won’t make much of an impact on how others think, or how an author writes… I’m not expecting you to keep your mouth shut because it does no good otherwise, but just think about it; there’s SO many other things you could have been doing with the time it took you to write those three articles pertaining to the Twilight universe. For example, I should be doing Biology homework for tomorrow right now, but instead I’m wasting away my life on the internet pointlessly lecturing a person that probably won’t ever bother to read what I say.
xD Seriously. What the hell am I doing here? -goes back to homework-
Wow, there are a lot of comments…
My reply to this amazingly informative article is that it is quite accurate. Though I did enjoy Twilight when I originally read it, the novel, for me, was pure pleasure reading. I never liked Bella, I adored Jacob, and, of course, the pleasure of reading about the ‘perfect’ Edward. Just as a side note…now, I stand true to Jacob being unarguably the best character in the whole series except for his asshole mood swings.
I never noticed the sexist plot but, when I looked back at the books, it actually is very distinct. Perhaps that is why now, when my sister (who is absolutely hooked…she bought all the freaking books!) recommends the novel to an unfortunate victim, I’m the first (sometimes only) opposing voice they hear.
~Anu, a dedicated student, artist, and writer
I love you so much.
Like, for serious, you are my idol.
In short,
1. Twilight is a pathetic series.
2. Meyer cannot write for her LIFE.
3. Girls who post replies here saying “Oh mai gawsh what’s your problem Meyer is the greatest I love Edward Cullen” should be disregarded.
4. You are the greatest person ever.
Keep the Twilight bashing coming. It keeps me happy and entertained, knowing that others in the world dislike it as much as I do.
I find these books a bit sick and twisted, particularly the idea that Edward can somehow save his soul by remaining a virgin until marriage. Also that Bella is so obsessed with him that she is prepared to become a bloodthirsty Bree-type and possibly commit multiple murders for a year or more rather than leave him. And that she only realises she loves him when Jacob forcibly kisses her. Ånd Jacob running off as a wolf and not wanting to become human again. How bleak is that?
And the first half of Twilight was just dull.
And the idea of Bella riding piggyback on Edward as he zooms through the forest still makes me laugh.
And can anyone truly snuggle up to an ice-cold lover?
Yes, it’s just a story and all the blood and murders and steamy love scenes are not meant to be taken seriously.
But I still think the underlying messages are a bit warped and disturbing and suggest that the only way for a teen to cope with love is to stop living a human life!
Someone should alert Stephanie Meyer to this site (not it). Of course, I’m sure she’d just throw an indignant hissy-fit rather than gaining any insights…but you never know.
Couldn’t agree more. Thank you.
I think this makes a very good point, the books are not the best in the world. Some parts are poorly written, but the whole thing is not bad. I do think that this is somewhat sexist. Bella giving up her live just to hear Edwards voice, all that. There have been many relationships where a boy has left a girl and she hasn’t gone completley mad. But then again no girl as ever been dumped by a perfect vampire have they? All together though I don’t think these books are horrible. I don’t think they are great either, I don’t think they deserve this much attention.
Oh also something I forgot to add, although Edward being perfect is supposed to draw in girl I find it unattractive. I like Jacob, I feel he has much more of a personality.
thank you so much, i was hoping that there was someone out there besides me that was made sick to there stomach by these awfull books. My girlfriend read them all and acts like there the best books on earth, my girl friend claims that she is a feminist but from what ive read, this book is pretty much anti-feminist. I’m not saying i’m a literature major but i know a good book when i see one and i want to thank you for articulating my feelings for this book in a intelagint mannor
too true. Almost all of my friends read these books, and it sickens me to know that women of all ages would go for something like this. I mean, I understand, everyone’s looking for that true love that nothing can destroy, but this… this is sending twelve year old girls the exact opposite of what their mothers have been telling them for centuries.
And for those who commented to simply bash the author for her views, get a grip. Go read another book, go take some time not doing something twilight-esque, and realize- we can all have opinions. Not everyone sees things just like you.
I wholeheartedly agree. Excellent review. I really wanted to like Twilight, and I tried really hard, but it just didn’t work for me–pretty much for all the reasons you listed.
Thank you so much. I’m a teenage girl and all my friends love twilight and most of them are Edward fan girls. Ugh. I can’t escape this series, it seems. Oh, and I like how someone made up the word ‘fictionous’. Cute. Tells you something about the average Twilight fan.
After reading both articles I must say this: I bow down to your words. Honestly, you’ve hit every nail on the head. I haven’t read the books(and I know people are going to bash me on this), but after hearing all the hype and looking on wikipedia (because I don’t have the money to actually buy the book nor enough time to read it with a full college course load) I nearly bashed my skull in.
I don’t mind people loving the series, talking about or anything of the sort. What gets under my skin is how Edward is now the greatest vampire in the world. When I ask those people if they’ve read classic vampire books like Interview With A Vampire or Lestat they say no. In my personal opinion, Louis, Lestat and Armond can run circles around Edward. They’re well conceived and written than Edward.
Ack, I went off on a tangent, but oh well! Still, you did a marvelous job!
Fantastic article. Nicely thought-out, articulated arguments. Exactly my problems with the books. They are poorly written wads of paper that are destroying young teenage girls’ minds.
To those that say
“At least it’s getting girls into reading!”
It is indeed a sad commentary on our times that THIS is what gets girls into reading. There are plenty of good books out there they could read, but instead they go for the latest fad. They’re not reading. It doesn’t matter what was written, the girls would yap it up and praise Meyer like a god. They won’t expand their reading to good fiction, Twilight is the be-all and end-all.
To those who say
“It’s just a book!”
What? WHAT?!?! So it can’t influence people? So it has the right to corrupt people’s minds? People are influenced by EVERYTHING they see, hear or do, whether they want to or not and this book is teaching them horrific messages about the nature of love and romance. It nearly makes me physically sick! It is perpetuating the concept that all girls are waiting for this ‘perfect’ man to save them.
To those who say
“Edward is flawed! He has the urge to eat Bella”
At no point in the novel did I feel Bella was going to be eaten. NEVER. There was not a real threat, just a crappy little excuse for ‘drama’ and tension.
And finally, to those that say:
“ZOMG!1one U IS SO STOOPID COS ITS A BOOK AND TEENAGERS DONT CAR ABOUT FEMINISM AND POLITICS! VFGJKRDGJDDG:J!!! YOU IS EVIL!!!@!1!!”
Fuck. You.
“I think the worst the absolute worst thing to sat to a twilight obsessy (like myself) is for your boyfriend to tell you that “edward is a fag and you should just get over yourself. vampires have never been real and will never be real. & you should really stop thinking of him when you kiss me.” at that point i got up off my bed slapped him across the face and told him get the f*** out of my house. He responded by picking up a copy of twilight that is always on my night stand and throwing it across the room so i threw my fist at his jaw.
yeah that has to be the worst thing u can say to a twilight obsessy”
Quoted from the official discussion board.
‘Nuff said.
Thanks for the article. I know I didn’t write it, but I meant every word of it.
I won’t repeat what everyone else who appreciates this article has said, but I just wanted to comment on the fact that the people who don’t like Twilight have expressed their opinions fluidly and articulately, while the people who get offended by this respond by ranting in idiotic ways.
Speaks volumes.
This made me laugh out loud so hard XD I was kinda confused that Twilight got so much attention at first, actually, seeing as it’s mostly about romance and the cliched vampire-meets-girl story. Now, don’t get me wrong-I’ve never read the books so I won’t know, but one of my best friends has been trying to get me to read the books for like two years now, and I really don’t hink I’m going to be wasting my time…
This article absolutely made me crack up. I love it. I especially love all the responses that say, and I’m paraphrasing, “If you didnt like the book then you can just have your opinion, but did you have to write an entire article explaining your view?” The answer is YES! She had an opinion, and then she validated her opinion with an article explaining exactly why. Oh man i think i can be Smeyers, i used explaining and opinion multiple times in my writing. You people act as if no other piece of literature has ever been critiqued so harshly. You can even google Lord of the Rings sucks and you will find people who hate those books. My roommate is a 21, yes a 21 year old women who loves the Twilight serious. It makes me sick because she is such a strong and intelligent women; yet these books are thinly written and, not to mention, portray women as weak. I have never sat through reading a book and waited soooo long to finally figure out what the plot was. It has never taken me that long to get to a point where i couldnt put it down. Actually, the first book didn’t really have a plot, i figured it was because it was a series and that this first book was just leading up to the really good stuff. I was dead wrong. I had more fun reading the bible…
YES!
Brilliant!
Wow, I absolutely loved this article and your previous ‘Twilight’ article. I thought they were hilarious and very well written, you certainly are an expert at sarcasm. I literally could not walk away from reading this and I haven’t even read the ‘Twilight’ books. However, I have been offered to borrow them from a friend to read and I will still make up my mind for myself.
I do have something to say to Carissa; why do anything? You are asking why she wrote these articles, she is a critic. Do you know what that is? There are not only book critics, but there are also movie critics and fashion critics and television critics… Oh my God! What a shock!
Are you saying she cannot criticize something if she wants to? Does that mean you cannot criticize her? She made a lot of good points, but you seem to be completely ignoring them and just becoming furious with the fact that she “trashed” most likely one of your favourite books.
I think you’re just a taddd hypocritical, wouldn’t you agree?
Anyway, as I said before, great stuff. Keep up the good work!
I find it funny that so many people are saying “It’s just a book! WHY BASH IT?” then bashing the author for her age.
You’re overlooking the “romantic relationship” that seems very familiar.
I’ve been in relationships where my partner (now ex) would keep me from going to see my friends too. And get extremely jealous if I even mentioned another guy. He also only wanted to make out when he wanted to, and would get upset if I mentioned we did to other people.
I thought it was because he loved me too. He also tried to rape me (right before proposing, which would have meant I would have been his military wife and maybe someday go to college too, after the children are born).
But I thought I was in love too. Just like Bella, with my own Edward (this happened before the books came out, but they are eerily similar).
Some of you are going to hit below the belt and say “Well, you were stupid! blah blah blah, I/my daughter knows better than you.”
I thought the same thing when I was 16. Maybe you should reconsider how “awesome” and “special” you are to enjoy a book that shows this type of relationship in a glamorous light. Yes, it’s fiction, but the when you think “I want someone just like Edward!” – you are that much more vulnerable to be in a relationship with a guy who will hurt you, more than just “waaaahhh, he broke my heart.” I sincerely hope you don’t find out only after the first broken arm.
I’ve created domestic violence presentations programs for local schools aimed at the target demographic – so I’ve heard several stories just like mine. So, if you call me stupid, then you are also calling the 1 in 3 teen girls who will experience dating violence stupid too.
“your not my mom”. That is really mature. That shows the intelligence of the Twilight readers, thanks for clarifying that.
First of all, thank you so much for both of these articles. I’ve been watching people around me fall one by one to the “allure” of Twilight and I was starting to believe that I was the only one who thought the entire series was an insult to literature. I agree with most if not all of the points you and others have made against Twilight and I am forwarding the first article to all those interested in this “phenomenon”.
To the Twilight FANS: I understand that you have reason to be upset by these articles but I have yet to see one of you make a logical argument for it. All of your posts have been of the “Leave SM alone!!” and “Twilight is awesome” variety and that’s kind of damning against you, isn’t it? That despite being such vehement defenders, you can’t scrounge up one or two well written arguments to why the series is worth anyone’s time? How Bella is a good role model despite being a teenager who puts her entire life in the hands of some stranger because he’s oh-so-pretty? How their love is so magical and fantastic despite the fact that if this series wasn’t a “fantasy” one but set in the real world, there would be a woman’s shelter waiting anxiously for Bella to come to them for help? I could go on but what’s the point, it’s not like any of you will have a rational answer.
yey speak my mind! hey i most admit im a romantic idealist but…common! this is not even about vampires its just about some intended imposible relationship, one of my best friends is in love with this book series, and i just can’t find the way to tell her its crap, you know, SM doesnt have a writing style she’s just bad at it, i guess you cant know whats bad if you dont know of anything better, so to all of the screaming fangirls i have an advise for you, dont read this! if you dont like it why you come here and get your selfs angry? are you masochists? and if you want to defend this…”thing” so much then, just as my friend milena said, why dont you try to give some logical response to this debate, thanks for this article by the way ^^
Ignore the other bashers. This was awsome, and it pretty much did sum up Twilight. There’s alot better books. They have no right to flame you for stating your opnions on this book.
I too thought I was alone in the world of Twilight hate. My school sponsored two whole weeks of Twilight questions, trivia, and what not for prizes, including movie tickets and those overly-expensive posters. Thumbs up, really. You gave guts to state your mind on this failure book.
I got directed over to your two articles because of my own little diatribe over here: http://adella.deviantart.com/journal/21489429/
My rant was not nearly as well thought out or written as yours, but it came from my heart. You touched upon ALL things that I wanted to touch upon, and more! I’m happy for this and I’m going to use it, if you don’t mind, as a perfect example to show my roommates mother as to WHY I do not like Twilight exactly. I just don’t think that “its a fun read” is an excuse. I think that Stephenie Meyers successes are hugely undeserving.
I wonder why people are fighting about a series of fictional books? Yes books can influence children but so do movies and videogames but your not arguing about that. People are allowed to talk about they want; and for the twilight Bashers and the Twilight Defenders your opinions are your own you probably don’t like when people ignore your view so why should you ignore each others? The books have good and bad parts but the point is their just books. so please just move on and do something else, because debating and calling each other names isn’t healthy. And I’m a teenager and I think this way. Shouldn’t you be a bit calmer than me?
I. LOVE. you.
And not in a shallow, sex-starved, bustin’ the headboard, Bella/Edward thing here; I’m talkin’ GENUINE.
i love you. :] you should write a satirical book about this. i’d buy 5 copies and give them to the most insane twilight lovers i know, for christmas.
No. 2 is so on the money it is scary.
Meyer never visited Forks and took some small Quileute tale about “werewolves” to create her den of Wolves.
I live about an Hour from Forks and I can tell you there is nothing magical about the town. It is surrounded by a lot of natural beauty but the town doesnt really have any of that going for it.
It’s funny how many fans of the book show up from all over the world to visit Forks and go on the “Twilight Tour” when there is no connection whatsoever besides place names.
#2 Do not research. It is not necessary to waste time getting biology facts, cultural lore, or cultural history correct. For example, if you choose to set your novel in a real-life place, don’t bother visiting it. If you incorporate the ideas of another culture, such as that of the Sioux Native Americans, absolutely do not speak to any Sioux elders or Sioux scholars-as the author, you have no responsibility to accurately portray anything. Instead, take what history you can find out on the Internet and feel free to bastardize their cultural lore so that it fits into your story. Also, if you decide to use science to explain some of your fantasy elements, don’t bother making it logically or factually sound.
I really dislike it when people tell me to shut up. And that is essentially what you are doing “Ran”. Because debate is not at all a healthy thing for people to busy themselves in. We should all just conform and think exactly the same way. We have freedom of speech, alright, and we are going to exercise it. So do not tell us to shut up. It’s important to us that these books are (in our opinions) degrading women and indeed the definition of the word literature, so we would like to express it. Or would you rather us discuss religion and politics? No, of course you wouldn’t (although I’m game if you are), you would rather us sit here and do nothing. Let’s let the Israeli-Palestinian conflict resolve itself. And next election, lets not vote. Let’s just sit there and not put our opinions into action. That is going to turn out super. I know that this is on a much larger scale, but honestly, you want us to just sit tight and be quiet? That is totally against our democratic system, and our right to free speech. I would rather have you defending Twilight then not having any opinion, you just go along with everything. It is really annoying. You’re like Bella.
I find rants and raves equally amusing. But, considering time is short, I can’t read them all. However, I’d like to say that this generalizes my feelings of Twilight quite well~ I’m quite picky with my books, and Twilight nearly killed me.
Buuut what I found funny was the response someone put: “What is popular is not always right, and what is right is not always popular.” Isn’t the popular opinion that Twilight rules? I’m not sure; the fanbase and antifanbase are very strong. Yet, there are a lot of people who are fans of actors such as Robert Pattinson who love Twilight, and that is the man who will be playing as Edward Cullen. There is irony in it, for while I am not quite compelled enough to find the exact quote, Robert Pattinson was confused as to how to play Edward, since he found that his character was very undefined, and began to hate the character.
Now, I’ve heard this from numerous resources, so I believe it to be quite true. Who knows? It might not be. Regardless…
I have only ever met one intelligent Twilight fan, and that fan reads a very wide selection of books, including many of my favourites, and very few of my hates. I am hoping to meet with her again soon so I may talk about it in a mature matter, instead of trying to talk to a close-minded, squealing fangirl who would kill to have Stephenie Meyer keep writing forever. That author… I nearly cried at the release of The Host. I can list a lot of books that the few good elements from that particular title could have come from, as well as movies, the top of the list being Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
-sigh- I have little hope for this next generation of literature… I’ll just stick to my older books. Like Jaws.
You are 100% correct. As a 23 year old law student reading the series, I am totally appalled that anyone could find Stephenie Meyer’s writing tolerable, see Edward Cullen’s character as anything but domineering and abusive, and support this free for all gender role stereotyping. Nobody’s saying JK Rowling is a great author either, but damn, at least the woman has SOME substance in her writing.
Great article.
Since I have a very descriptive writing style myself, I was initially able to appreciate Meyer’s writing style; but good description is inconsistent thorughout the books. It’s overly done in some places and not done at all in others.
But I do agree, “…incandescent chest, his scintillating arms bare” is way overdoing it…
I agree on the quality of the books simply by the people that buy them.
I worked in a bookstore over the summer and I don’t think I’ve had a harder time not openly raging about something. If Stephane Meyer was more prolific [thank God she isn't] I would compare her to Danielle Steele.
And the night the last book was put on sale…
I don’t think I’ve ever been more disappointed in modern society.
I completely agree! And in addition to all the valuable and worthy criticism regarding the truly terrible view of relationships etc that the books portray – they’re just plain boring, quite frankly!
I find it such a shame that authors like this get such fame and fortune for writing such dross, when there are these beautiful gemlike books being written all the time that don’t acheive half the popularity.
Anonymous – I do love J K Rowling, though!
Hello, I read your first article (Twilight Sucks…) and I am reading your next one about Midnight Sun.
I agree with you. I haven’t read the whole Twilight saga (or whatever it is called) I just happened to open a random page from the first book, skimmed it over and slammed it shut.
And now reading your reviews, I wonder why and how many people are so engrossed over it. I could write better!
PS. I used to study literature too but I shifted in creative writing.
PPS. Are you related to Anne Rice?
Here here on both of the articles!
i love you. you took those words right out of my mouth.
=]
I think I’m falling for you, Kellen.
You have the ability to speak your mind and at the same time trash a steaming pile of pop culture. I am in awe.
You and your wordplay will continue to shine forever, long after the hysteria of Twilight has worn off and Stephanie Meyer is seen for what she truly is: Nothing compared to you.
May your future be full of grand opportunities and readings of a higher caliber.
I have read both works and I am thoroughly impressed. I find it absolutely hilarious to read the fangirl responses. They cover every angle of fallacy from bandwagoning to ignoring a common cause.
Oh, man. I can’t begin to describe just how much I adore you.
I was giggling all the way through it. I’m sure you’ve left hundreds of Twilight fangirls fuming from this.
Hohoho. You crack me up. And to Lisa’s comment… way up top… There really was no plot. It was just that Meyer forced something ‘interesting’ to happen near the ending of the books. I have no idea what purple prose is. Can someone explain?
Now that you’ve written that lovely article, I do have a request.
Any tips on how to write a popular book and NOT lose all self-respect along the way?
This article = Pure win.
I can find few words to describe that. amazing comes to mind but that doesnt seem to do it justice. holy fking shit that was insane is more like it.
i bow down to you.
Oh yeah, I can go into a restaurant and say I don’t like a dish, although I haven’t cooked a better one; I can go to a car dealer and say I don’t like a car although I haven’t built a better… that’s all alright, because I’m neither a cook nor an engineer.
But I can’t buy a book and say I didn’t like it, because I haven’t written a better one, even though I’m not an author. And why? Because popular belief seems to be that everyone can write! But that’s just the problem, isn’t it.
Nicely done. Funny. Well-written, unlike the novels it discusses.
For some of you that find it (somehow) outrageous and deplorable that Ms. Rice has dared to write Yet Again!! about the Twilight novels, here are some reasons Ms. Rice might write another article after making it clear how she felt about the Twilight books in her first one:
1) Ms. Rice is a good writer, and she can.
2) The outcry provoked by her first article re-inspired her, and this second article is the result.
3) The books’ inexplicable popularity combined with the recent film brouhaha indicates that her viewpoint might bear repeating.
4) Ms. Rice is a good writer, and she can.
Interesting article there, Ms. Kellen. I’m 21, young female aspiring writer and while I haven’t read the book yet, I have heard negative commentary about the book that made me wonder if it was worth the few hours spent reading the 500+ page thing. One day, however if I have the time, I will read it for myself, but people have been talking about the typos and the only parts of the books I’ve been READING are the excerpts from Amazon. Yes, there are some typos, I’ve counted at least up to 4 or 5 in one or two of the passages I read online. I also hear that the book’s plot is ridiculously moot and the lead characters are crappy. I agree, that Bella isn’t the greatest role model anyone could HAVE. From what I read online and in the papers, Bella’s persona is goofy than a mofo. I would NEVER fall THAT head over heels for a guy! Oh no! Not cool. Especially a guy that’s got some complex (Edward).
LOL I looked at the rules you posted above. But one of the rules; I believe that a writer doesn’t have to actually VISIT a place unless they want to, to get that research they need to write about. They can read books on the subject matter (Writer’s Digest has books on cities in the States and the world for research) and some writers, starting out, I’m sure they may not be able to afford the trip to such a place to write about, others can. But it’s like you (and maybe others) said that Meyer failed to do ANY RESEARCH on the subject of Sioux tribe and other factors in her books (like Vampires) and that’s not good, considering you have to write what you KNOW.
I’m assuming she didn’t go to the library and research either…? idk
and the thing about sparkly vampires…hmm…while imaginative, it don’t sit well with many hardcore VAMPIRE FANS (ones who read Anne Rice and such) I see. Usually vamps are dark and dangerous to an extent. Glad to have read the article. I was referred by a Yahoo answerer today when I asked ppl the five reasons why Meyer’s book lacks in some areas.
Bo Peep
I just got finished reading your last article and…
You…You are my HERO.
You are so right about the series.
In my own opinion, I feel that S. Meyer has the literary
and grammar skills of an 8th grader. Her book series
ruined the good, old school vampire books like Queen of the Damned or the Anne Rice ones where the vamps were “bad to the bone” and didn’t get caught up in overrated love relationships with the “plain, human girl”.
I was actually considering reading the 500+ pages after my friends kept talking about, just to see what all the fuss was about, but I’ve decided that the reviews were enough and I’m just gonna stick with the good ‘ol Star Wars and Stephen King novels.
;D
{Oh, and for the people who find this article offensive towards their beloved Twilight, stop whining. The truth hurts. Deal with it.}
Twilight for teen girls seems to be the equivalent to porn for men. Base conscious level fantasy fulfillment.
…the main difference is that no rational man is going to try to tell you about the cinematic brilliance of a porn movie.
I am a guilty reader of the Twilight series. I’ll admit I got sucked in. But what I find so funny about the people who disregard these books as bad writing, is the fact that kids are actually reading!!!! Just like the Harry Potter series, these authers deserve kudos galore for getting kids to read books with pages in the 800’s. Okay, okay, so maybe Stephanie Meyers isn’t the best writer…God forgive her for having an imagination and putting it out there. I wasn’t crazy about Bella either, in the book, or on screen, but its just fantasy. And for all you women who feel Bella wasn’t believable or she didn’t act like a woman should act….Relax…My God, are you telling me that you wouldn’t mind a man being so madly in love with you?? I think the reason the book is popular is because it was written by a women who knows what most woman want, true everlasting love, unwaivering commitment, for a man to only see her…That right there is fantasy in most cases–so forgive us if some don’t mind a little escape once in a while without feeling guilty that we are not reading top notch scolar material…You people are the ones who need to take a chill pill, only I recommend you do so AFTER you step of your high horses….
Ok first thing that comes to mind:
If you publish something for the public to read, expect feedback. Good and bad.
It’s easy to say you like something, but when you give negative feedback on something, you really have to go through and state why or you run the risk of making a real ass out of yourself.
I think this second article has done a really good job of underlining why Kellen doesn’t like this book.
If you disagree, then great! That’s the wonderful thing about opinions, everyone has one!
Calm down, people. No point in getting mad at someone for disagreeing with you.
At least the writer of this article followed up on an elaboration on why it sucked in her opinion.
I personally haven’t read the series. I read the summaries and what happens online and thought it sounded so awful that I decided to give it a pass.
Abby
‘You’re not my mom’ ? Really? Honey, nobody’s gonna respect you if you throw that gem into the ring. You say that and we picture a petulant twelve year old fighting with her stepmother over how she didn’t do the dishes. Door slams, end scene.
I thoroughly enjoyed this article! I admit, I read all of the books and gave them a fair chance. Like Sneha said, it’s a guilty pleasure. I think you are right on the money about the book, though!
After I finished reading all of them, I compared them to other books. This book is truly written for fanatic teenage girls. Like one of my teachers says about ideas: this book is like the mullet. In theory, it’s a great idea. When actually carried out, it’s not that great.
As for people bashing you for this, they need to learn that your opinion is valid whether you agree with them or not.
It’s just a book, guys! =)
Okay, here it is: I agree partially with what the author of this article is saying. There are annoying aspects of this book. But to RIP IT APART and INSULT the writers style is absolutely terrible. Everyone has faults
Now then, for the previous comments, am I not a free thinker for liking Twilight? I entered the series thinking it was merely a fad, but honestly, I was shocked with what I read.
Third, excuse me, but are you saying that Twilight or any of the others don’t have a plot? What were you doing when you read it?
Great follow up
100% spot on
I love it. Dear God, do I love it.
And as much as I adored your entire argument, my favorite part just might be “FICTIONOUS.”
I think they well proved how right you are. And while I may agree, and others may not, it always helps their point by making accusatory remarks like “you are wrong and don’t know anything about books!” or otherwise incendiary stupidity.
Oh, one more thing. For other commenters who are upset that Rice is ripping apart all of the flaws in the author’s style… All art (if you so consider Twilight. I sure don’t.) was made to be criticized.
This holds especially true when someone’s as particularly bad at their profession as Meyer or whatever her name is. When one’s that bad, why choose that profession, anyhow? I’ve never met a neurosurgeon with no hands or blindness. It’s hard to accept a writer with no knowledge of writing a book, or probably a ninth grade-level essay.
Oops. The good doctor removed a large chunk of the cerebellum, ruined the nervous system, and left a wristwatch in the patient’s brain. Oops. This woman wrote Twilight.
To Dagger (who I’m not singling out): I think the opposite is true. If one produces a publicly viewable piece of art, be it written or otherwise, they should expect it to be scrutinized and treated harshly. That’s the nature of people, really. You see it all the time on sites like Deviantart, with someone putting artwork on the site, sometimes even asking for criticism, then throwing a fit and deleting everything when they get what the ask for. To have your work professionally published basically ensures this is going to happen.
If Meyer didn’t want her work to be scrutinized, she would have left it on her Livejournal where it belongs.
You’ve every right to like anything you want. Hell, I love Troma films. Doesn’t make me a pitiable life form, does it?
On Aug. 23, Carissa compared something about Stephenie Meyer to Malcom X…that is not only an offensive comparison, but a foolish and small-minded thing to post. If you supported the book and you dislike what the person who typed the article is said, then by all means leave. There are too many pro-twilight sites for you to enjoy the fan base and it seems that if you happened to have been disappointed, there is no place for you to go to vent about such a thing. Before you dare compare the fan base of fiction writer’s a fairytale to a CIVIL RIGHTS ACTIVIST and his supporters, please consider this: there is more than your own personal opinion. People fight and die for rights, you stand in line for books.
I agree with some arguements that this is simply a book but that little thought never shows up on a pro-twilight article does it? Just as a hater can be given such lofty fan girl lectures, give a lover the same; this is a STORY people, a near certifiable false-hood. The worst part about Twilight is far beyond the writing, it is the ideas inside it that are true in life. For every lady with a good head on her shoulders who won’t lose her head over a man, there is one who will and one who doesn’t know she will. I don’t want anyone to call me a ‘mom’ or some kind of pro-woman activist, I just want people to see that the underlying thought that Rice is talking about is not only glorified, ignored, and deemed as irrelevent it is a sad truth. Stephenie Meyer wrote a story and that’s all, don’t make her out to be some master writer just because she can cater to fan-girl needs.
Just as you have a right (and I can’t believe Twilighters talk like they are the ones being forced out of forums) to love something I have a right to be disappointed in what was once a personal joy and HOPE for some comfort in finding like minded people. If you didn’t like what Rice had to say then fine, post on your own sugar coated, angst ridden, pop culture cult site (you have hundreds to choose from) and take a breather–watch the clouds, do something new.
I love you. This is all my feelings about Twilight summed up quite nicely.
Good work.
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. NICE ONE!
all this twilight behavior around me everywhere everyday is getting on my nerves!
i mean im sure the book is great, but uh.. CALM DOWN.
Thanks for your guide. Maybe I can sell this new series about a HOT Egyptian mummy guy and this ordinary, teen-aged brunette. I shall call it “Pharaoh”
It’ll have a lot of abusive sex scenes, make-out scenes, teen angst and all the other ingredients, all in a beautiful, hard-cover pot for all the teenagers to share over.
I couldn’t stop laughing…
Spot on!
Saw the movie w/my teen daughter…it was ok. But even she doesn’t really love the books (”kind of lame” in her opinion)…
Like Tish’s idea too….
And the Twilight fans are probably sitting around going, “WTF is ‘Uncle Tom’s Cabin’?”
Very good article.
This article had better structure and word flow than anything Stephenie Meyer has written (and most likely could ever write).
It makes me sick how people can’t be tolerant of other’s opinions. This is the author’s blog; she has every right to post her opinions in it, just as the upset Twilight fans have every right to post their opinions in their OWN blogs. But instead they have to flip a total bitch and tell you how terrible of a person you are.
And by the way: Edward IS abusive. I’m so glad I’m not the only teenage girl who’s realized that. You deserve a shrine in your name, Miss Rice. (;
wow! you’ve hit the nail’s head.
I don’t understand how some fans can think that a critique on the series is a personal attack on the author. It isn’t.
I repeat: a critique of a book is NOT a attack on the person of the author.
All right, so we do find something wrong with the books. When the author comes across such criticisms, she/he (hopefully) should see it as a way to improve on her/his next projects. (I am looking at you, Ms. Meyer)
And fans should understand that too.
Women are fucking pathetic.
Richard Lewis,
Honey don’t say that to us, you have a mother. As for the article, it’s ok and somehow true, but I still love the twilight series.
Sure, it’s not perfect and, fine, you have points. But I still love the books. I find it interesting, something different.
What only pissed me off was, Richard Lewis. Poor boy…
To Richard Lewis: Well, if that’s true then I guess we know which book to blame for girls learning that behavior, hmm? I think that someday the serious criticism of Twilight needs to go public, needs to reach Stephanie Meyer directly so she can see what a monster she’s unleashed. In fact, Twilight has inspired me to become an editor of books; to prevent rubbish like that from ever coming on the market.
thhhhhhhhhhhhnk u
First off, great job on the article. Hopefully this will open the eyes of Twilight fans and they’ll realize that it is not all right to bash people who have a different opinion of the book. At Elenour from London: I’m an aspiring writer and have been since before these books were even popular. Your arguments were immature and weak for a mother of five children. Yes, I do realize that I’m younger than you but that doesn’t automatically make you wiser than myself. I’ve had to struggle to get through a book that was not only easy to read but was so poorly written that I’m surprised the publishers have even accepted her work in the first place. Stephenie Meyer admits that she hasn’t read a vampire book in her life nor seen a movie. Her story lacks a key feature when it comes to writing a book. That being research or the lack thereof in her case. She also said in an interview that she’s going to make a mermaid series but they’re going to be more like sirens (a winged humanoid creature that resembles a harpy but swims) and mermaids are a different from sirens entirely. A good author can give you explanations to their characters and where they came up with the ideas for them and et cetera. Meyer than stated in a reading group with the bookstore Borders that she can’t answer any of those questions relating to her idea for the book. She also blamed the fans for not appreciating Breaking Dawn, need I remind all the fans. The Midnight Sun leak only happened because she gave out manuscripts to more people than necessary. As a general rule for being an author is: NEVER give out the manuscripts to people other than the publisher and the editor. Since she decided to ignore that as a result her book got leaked and she’s being childish about. If a book becomes popular it’s going to get leaked. The same thing happened to J.K. Rowling but did she stop writing Harry Potter after the leak? No. She continued to write it regardless. Also it is also 99.9% of the time the fans who bash the antis and rarely is it the other way around. People who have actually said that Twilight is their only reason to get up in the morning. Which is pretty pathetic if you ask me! Others claim that we hate it because we haven’t read it. Which is entirely false. I for one have read the complete series and thought her writing style was still poor. Most Twilight fans (rabids mostly) claim that it’s the best book in the world or it’s the next Harry Potter. Neither of those statements are true. One being that there is no such thing as the best book ever because not everyone likes the same things. Two, Rowling actually took time to plan out her world before hand while Meyer didn’t and she’s said so in another interview. And I quote: “It’s not like I’m thinking about what I’m writing.” So please stop bashing us and actually see our side for once.
twilight is overrated.
“And the Twilight fans are probably sitting around going, “WTF is ‘Uncle Tom’s Cabin’?””
HAH, exactly.
The moral undertones I keep hearing about in this series scare the bejeezus out of me.
In all fairness, I detested Uncle Tom’s Cabin. This series and the movie makes me a little scared to say the least. Young girls ( almost always dumb for lack of a better word) might think someone watching you sleep for months is romantic and not creepy. I am however pretty confident that this is evolution at its best. I think all the girls who like this absolute horror of a series also like the Jonas Brothers and will grow up to use a ton of ‘like”s in their sentences. Meyers should take a clue from Joss Whedon, he wrote popular female characters who were strong AND not boring. I am quite happy this happened actually. It gets people reading at the very least. So maybe when good books come out, they might be more prone to reading them.
But it seems like this author was never a author. She learned how to use a thesaurus and wrote down PG versions of her Mormon sex fantasies where she was a submissive person being dominated. Ah well, shit happens. In this case, shit gets written.
Wow, it’s shocking how upset people get over a BOOK. I only read a couple of the comments, because really I can’t waste my life on this – and it’s sad that other people do. To the author of this, and the other piece – I agree. I read the first book, I would say it was ho-hum, and from what you describe of the other books, I certainly won’t bother reading them.
And of course teenaged girls are impressionable! That’s why things like the Dove campaign of real beauty, and things like that exist. Because the media tells people over and over, you have to be beautiful, you have to look like this, and that’s all girls know. Even knowing this, I am still a product of it. I certainly wouldn’t want my 12-year-old reading books about a psychologically abusive relationship made to look romantic… but then again, I don’t have any children, and I haven’t written a best-seller, so what do I know?
THANK YOU.
I haven’t seen it yet so I can’t say 100% whether I agree with you or not, but you’re not the only reviewer who presents it almost as if it were a comedy. And if it were a comedy, I’d probably like it!
I haven’t much wanted to either see the movie or read the books due to all the hype surrounding both. Often things that everyone is gung-ho over I can’t stand, although it turned out that I did like the Matrix. However, I also can’t stand girly romances, so I have been avoiding Twilight like the plague. But everyone needs a good laugh–and it sounds like if I see this, I might just get one.
That was intense. It made me smile. Thank you =)
beautiful. just beautiful. this literally brought me to tears. if only there were more people like you in our world.
thank you for trying to bring sense into the contrived existence of innumerable teenage girls who can’t seem to grasp the fact that the book they are so in love with cannot even be considered as a true piece of literature.
Wow, this is good. But then, have we forgotten the meaning of “writer’s style”?
It sounded a little bitter, i think..
I still like the book, though.
HAHA.
Bravo, Miss Rice, Bravo. This is completely on point. I wish that there were more people on the earth like you.
Though I do agree with most of this article and your article before this, I think that it’s a bit immature to post this as a “response” to hate comments you had received. Okay, so a few kids got offended, so what? Writing this article definitely will not alleviate those comments. Am I right? In any case; Yes, the Twilight saga may have been poorly written, poorly portrayed, and all that good stuff. But she somehow got an agent, a publisher, and as you said, 1.3 million sales in one day. And I, as a Creative Writing major, think this kind of writing is acceptable. But in no circumstance is it the best.
Oh wow, I must admit I nearly died of laughing too much while reading this!
I agree to most of your arguments on the abusive relationship between Bella and Edward. I just can’t stand these books; my friends actually pay me to finish the serie! hehe
The funiest part is that I tried to convey my opinion – it has no value, because Twilight is a book for girls, and if I don’t like it, that’s because I musn’t be a real girl! Ooh, so because of my healthy view of a relationship doesn’t not imply adoring a 100 years old guy, I automatically loose my feminity… These books have to much impact on teenagers’ opinion of “greatest love.” I am afraid it influences too much girls to be more passive and accept control-freak behaviors, so really a great THANK YOU for speaking your mind out loud, we are definitly not enough to do it!
I think I’ll quote you next time I have a debate against my whole humanities class… hehehe…
Ok, this is a good read for those haters out there. But when you are already in love with Twilight, and all its amazingly amazing (oh) guys, this will do little to change your mind. If anything, it will make you hate the haters and love the book more.
Steph has her own righting style and obviously its a good one. The fact that she CAN sell over 1.3 million books a day proves this.
You all can hate as much or long as you want but at this point, you are out numbered by the Twilight lovers.
And you’ll just have to get over it.
I just have to say that yeah , I agree with you .
But I also am a HUGE fan of the books .
I mean personally ,
I don’t really think that you’re wrong .
You’ve actually made me realize just how…INFURIATING Bella can be sometimes .
But then again ,
to diss it so harshly is unnessecary and un-needed .
There are pros and cons to this piece really .
I loved it because it’s witty , sarcastic and is straightforward .
But it’s un-realistic in some of the points .
Like for example ,
there is plot , it’s not a very exciting plot at the begining but it is a plot .
and secondly ,
Bella isn’t meant to have hobbies or interests .
as it clearly states in the fourth book that she wasn’t meant for human-life .
hell ,
it even states it in the first one ‘i’ve never really conected with anyone’ or something like that .
the book didn’t need to be dicected and riticuled the way it was .
Overall ,
I agree , and I disagree .
AND RICHARD LEWIS !
hahahaha oh boy you’ve got some FUCKING nerve !
don’t you DARE ,
EVER ,
talk to ANYONE like that you fithly little ingrate !
honestly ,
just don’t talk .
don’t even fucking reply to this .
nasty little worm.
….sorry ,
had to get that out of my system .
OH my god.
I love these things.
How do people not cringe while reading these books?
I’m trying to reread the first one because I want to know what happens, but seriously??? I’m cringing almost every five seconds.
I’ll admit the books work well as a guilty pleasure; something you can enjoy, but probably shouldn’t tell anyone else about.
The writing is redundant, the dialogue is beyond cheesy, and the whole book could happen in less than 200 pages, but instead gets dragged out into 500…
This is hilarious. I stumbled across this today as I was trying to find out what happens in the rest of the books. I read Twilight (took me forever because I had to force myself to finish it due to the lack of interest in it). Theoretically I should love the book. I love vampires, generally love young adult lit, etc. But the execution is awful. Just awful. You have nailed it in your review.
The ENTIRE time I read Twilight I constantly felt like I was reading. I didn’t escape into the fantasy world (like in Harry Potter for example). I was constantly thinking “how much longer until something actually happens”. There’s no real plot. Bella is by far the worst lead female character I’ve ever read. She’s underdeveloped and unlikeable. She sets female protagonists back so much. Why would you want to read a book and want to identify with a helpless, rude character like that?
I’m very glad I didn’t set out to read the rest of the series because I think that reading the final book would just kill me.
I find it hilarious and terribly sad that “quietcorvin” sat there and counted how many times Meyer used the word ‘murmur’. Seriously, maybe instead of bashing the book so much you should focus on getting a life.
I only read like two comments, so lestat heres to yours.
You said “Its not like we’re trying to get you to not like the book, just let us not like it.” That’s what this article is doing, so if you can’t even pick out the meaning please dont comment.
Now to the writer of this article.
Your reference to Animal farm is humerous at best. Animal farm was meant to give a message, Twilight was for entertainment. Apples and oranges. You did the same thing with Uncle Toms Cabin, you’re comparing two serious books with a book that isn’t meant to be that serious.
Honestly I think you need to go out and cut loose, have some fun, instead of being anal about a book you DIDNT LIKE.
Oh, don’t get me wrong, I don’t think the novel was “perfect” so don’t jump to that conclusion. I dislike the way she modified some of the original “vampiric traits” but it was still an ok read.
.. You rock =)
… Though I suppose many still think it’s a crime to not like something.. Yet these same people just wrote here about how much they dislike your article…
Oh well.. I guess free speech is only acceptable when you agree with what everyone else is saying..
… Twilight sucks… Harry Potter is awesome.. (Still don’t know why HP is compared to Twilight.. it’s in a totally different league.)
It’s very interesting reading all these comments.
Almost like watching democracy in action – Folks telling each other what they should and should not like. Others telling each other how they should and should not think.
Brilliant, and very amusing.
Btw, never read the books. Have never been able to work up the interest. Read the articles and will probably never read the books now (can’t stand purple prose, or stupid characters). But I am enjoying reading this site.
Love it when people get passionate about insignificant stuff.
Keep it up.
So I’m 18 and, dude, finally, another person with enough sense to say aloud the bad things of Twilight! Honestly, some people just can’t accept any negative cristism, instead they rape the freaking keyboard with “ZOMG, HOW DARE F* U! IT’S THE BEZSH EVA WRITTEN!” Holy crap, they have no sense at all for a logical response. At least there are some nice neutral twilight fans who just nod and drop the subject when I say I don’t like it and switch topics (they don’t have posters too, thank heavens). Or some other twilighters that explain in a logical reason about not talking about the books you hate. Yeah right.
FYI, read the books, loved it then hated it when SMeyer took it too far with suicidal, obession, whiny, WAY too eager, has no good thoughts of anyone except the Cullen family and no values for her family/friends/college of what she quickly wanted to give up in the first book. I started to re-read them and realized how disturbing it was to me before I tossed it.
People have their own opinions and since Twilighters gush every single day, why can’t we make fun of it and point out the flaws? Or at least a logical constructive critism? As Twilighters bounce and scream, let us anti-twilight (or those who generally don’t like it) people also talk about it BUT we ALSO do have fun too outside talking critism of twilight, but I do see Twilighters talking about this every single day. At least anti-twilighters and neutrals fans have an outside life. Such hyprocrites.
Nice article and I agree with you all the way!
Your post made me laugh, it’s so true. Confession: I am 23 and I own all of the Twilight books in hardcover. They are truly my guilty pleasure. I will be the first to admit the writing is indeed subpar, Edward is an obsessive stalker, and the end of Breaking Dawn is way too perfect, nonviolent, and neatly packaged. No one even dies (well, Irina, but that does not really effect Bella and Edward) in the end! Oh, and “Renesmee”- what kind of white trash sounding name is that? I can’t really put my finger on exactly what makes myself and millions of other fans (mostly women) overlook these rather glaring flaws, but we obviously do. I love these books, they draw me in, they make me laugh and cry and worry, and yes, I do swoon over Edward (although truth be told Carlisle is my favorite vampire hunk). Meyers’ seems to be able to pinpoint our base desires or something. Although Edward is obsessive and even watches Bella while she sleeps, she doesn’t care. She likes the attention and the security which his presence provides, and here I mean emotional security. She needs to be secure in his love. That might be it, what really has sold the series, but I don’t really know. I just know that I love them, and have loaned my books out to at least 5 different friends. The movie was a bit of a dissapointment, but I know I’ll probably see all three of the rest. It’s just how it is.
lulz. Your article is brilliant, but I must say, the comments are what really get to me… those poor devoted teens can’t seem to keep it on myspace these days, can they? Hurrah everyone!
I love you, and want to marry your mind.
Now then:
This is a brilliant article, highly amusing, and very entertaining. Thank you for stating your opinion in a very blatant form all over the internet. This stumble-upon makes up for all the other pathetic I <3 twilight sights I’ve also come across on the vast space of the internet. It was well constructed, easy flowing, and actually thought out! Kudos to you and fighting the evil that plagues this nation.
Although, there is one thing that saddens me. It seems that every few generations vampires pop up again in popular media. From Carmilla, to Dracula, and then to Anne’s Rice’s series and the many others; I am sad to say that Twilight is the vampire marker for this generation. We can’t win them all apparently. Thanks for fighting! *salutes*
Thank you for speaking out against Twilight!!! I know a lot of people have already written this, but you are so right! So many of my friends have tried to get me to read the series, but the writing and the story are so frustrating. Thankfully some of my friends who are reading them know it’s awful.
First of all, there is nothing original about a vampire and human being in love, as fans have claimed. Buffy alone did this twice! Strangely enough, so many of the humans do not happily become demons, but Bella, she’s one-of-a-kind. Edward clearly just does not understand how awesome it would be to be a vampire. By the way, what kind of vampires are these?! Aside from the fact that vampires do not dazzle in the sun ever, what vampires are so worried about mortal law and morality? There is no logical reason for the Cullens to still be in high school. “People would think it’s odd that they’re not in school.” Yeah, right! Edward could pass for 18 instead of 17. Robert Pattison, 22, passes for 17! If not, they could be drop-outs! They can clearly forge middle and elementary school records to attend high school, so why not forge birth certificates? Edward himself says he the perfect predator, but he’s frightened of the school board and possibly law enforcement. Understandably enough, however, he is afraid of God. After all, he does not want to “live in sin” or dishonor Bella. Um, somebody should mention to him that he’s kind of sin incarnate, as he is a vampire, but I can see why he may be confused. I think this bad boy’s secret is that he’s really not a bad boy. Also, at what kind of crappy hospital does Carlisle work, where the other doctors don’t seem to catch on that he’s dead? And I don’t know if this is just from the movie, but does Edward think Bella is an idiot? I think she knows perfectly well what vile acts would have been committed on her by those four agressive strangers in the alley. She could be, though, as she doesn’t understand why the weather is an appropriate subject for a first conservation.
I refused to read the series, so I looked up the plots, and since then, I have seriously summarized to my likeminded friends the plot in three minutes, the creepiest moment always being when Jacob realizes he’s the soulmate of Bella’s kid. The series, I estimate, contain about 1,600 pages. I do not even need that many words to sum up the plot. For that number, just read Les Miserables (unabridged–Hugo’s discourses and all).
Well, if you’ve read this far, I thank you for putting up with this, admittedly pointless, rant. Maybe I just don’t understand, considering I have not read them, but I do understand why the story could be enjoyable. God knows I’ve read trash, but I know it has no real literary value, and no, I am not implying that all escapist works are trash. I might be presumptuous, but I’m fairly sure Twilight can go in the trash category. Thank you for trying to get the world to know this. I offer my congratulations to Meyers’ on her success and talent (hey, I seriously couldn’t write a series) and her ability to entertain, but I refuse to offer my money or even my library card. Personally, the reason I think millions of girls have: everyone wants a hot, eternal lover.
lol. Did Carissa compare SM to Malcolm X? Well I did hear that Malcolm X wrote an overrated book that reads like bad fanfiction when he wasn’t out being an activist. Also, EXCELLENT article. I agree wholeheartedly. Today’s youth should be reading good books, rather than pointless fluff.
I love you, too. I needed this.
May I just say THANK YOU? You have eloquently and beautifully (whoops, there goes Rule Number 1!) put my thoughts into words.
I wish my friends had the clarity you did. When I pointed out Edward’s abusive (sorry, Dangerous) actions actions against Bella, I got called a stupid c-u-you-know-what that can’t recognize a “great boyfriend” when I see one.
Needless to say I’ve found better friends.
Hey Richard Lewis? Screw off. What kind of REAL MAN would call us women pathetic? You really want to know who the weak, stupid, ignorant one is here?
hint: Look in a mirror.
You’re an idiot. Seriously. Get a life. If you have nothing better to do than Discriminate other people’s interests, and hobbies, Then you must really have ALOT of time on your hands. I, myself have only read the first book, and from a primary opinion, I was not “brainwashed”, nor, as you said “Petending(ed) to be Bella Swan”. I am 14, as a matter of fact, and this most definitely upset me. The Twilight Saga is a Science-Fiction Romance, and nothing more. It is interesting, But coming from a 14 year-old girl, my views probably, in your mind do not matter. In my personal opinion (I do not expect anyone to have a “hissy fit” over this). You have no apparent idea what you are talking about. You, May have read the books, and understood all of the stories components, And so did I.But, In my mind, You’re just trying to sheild the fact that you actually LIKED this book. You know you did. You’re trying to put down other readers, So that you can have the spotlight, that Stephanie Meyer Has so wonderfully earned from her great Imagination, and creativity. You’re Obviously a writer, for Magazines,whatever. Stephanie Meyer Is a Five star, Creative Minded, World-selling Author. I understand why you would be jealous. In conclusion, I believe 110% that you are Jealous of Stephanie Meyer’s popularity.
Stop being jealous, and bask in the part-glory while you can, as an understudy.
Forget the internet, you just won the universe.
Kellen, you blow my mind.
Seriously, I love you.
To Savannah: I almost peed my pants when I read your comment. That is some of the most unintentionally funny shit I have ever seen.
Same goes for most(all) of the other Twili-tards’ comments on this piece.
Regards, Ukulele.
You might cirticize this series for as long as you like and many might agree with you..
Bottomline, this series is phenomenal and there’s nothing you can do about it..Whine all you can!:)
I have to wonder why, if you so disliked the story, why did you continue to read it?
I agree that you have some points (About plot especially), and you have every right to your own opinion. I, personally have read all the books, and I think Meyer’s main problem is that the later books don’t have any effort put into them. The first is by far the best, and after that they get progressively worse. These books have come out in a span of 3 years, and that’s not enough time to write four phenomenal novels. The story, also only has room for about 2 books. Eclipse was completely unnecessary, as was half of Breaking Dawn.
The first book was witty, poetic, and a good read. Jacob’s character in comparison to Edward’s is interesting, as is Bella’s choice. Everything else-unnecessary.
who the fuck names their kid Ukulele?
You must seriously be a freak
well, everyone has their opinions.
And the world varies in different sorts of people.
but, twilight’s the shit.
So, Take a big whiff.
ok i have to admit that this is cruel and evil but twillight fans just have to live with it. for example, the author of this artical is a jackass with no real sense of imagination but i can live with that. It’s obvious that whoever wrote the long paragraph had no life so they decided to waste time writing something that is ment to insult over a million people and bash the books but I can deal with that. So even though I would love to punch kellen in the face, i will try not to.
yes Savanah.
Twilight is a big huge pile of steeming sh_t. and you can breath it in all you want. I don’t want any part of it.
and insulting someone because their name happens to go outside the norm? You think that makes you a stronger, bigger, and better person? Guess what Savanah, it does not.
I for one will NOT insult you, because I have two little attributes called RESPECT and DIGNITY.
Go get yourself some, and quick.
haha..ur good..love it..^__^
Carissa, you wrote: “And quietcorvin, there’s a REASON for that many uses of the word! The vampires aren’t exactly LOUD people, like myself and others”
Have you ever read Stoker’s “Dracula”? I don’t suppose he qualifies to be one of YOUR vampires (I mean, considering your dislike for generalizations, we wouldn’t want to talk about ALL the vampires – only the ones you know, right?), but I don’t remember him murmuring that often!
But, what “really pushed me to my limit” was your blaming a critic for a bad article because a) that article made you “MAD” (oh, boy, just a little bit more and I would think that it was the author writing after the old pride had been hurt) and b) because “I can’t even say it. I don’t even see the point. Just what is this supposed to prove, exactly? Sure, an opinion is always worth hearing or viewing or whatever, but this is just…it’s not even an opinion….I don’t know the word for it. It’s not exactly pathetic, but something similar.”
A person who wants to criticize another for not writing critizism properly, should at least find ways (well, I don’t know, maybe you SHOULD get a thesaurus
) to articulate their own criticism well.
Haha.
Nice comeback, “syd”
Ohhh buddy.
you got me there.
haha
Someone below here mentioned the series, but the Gemma Doyle trilogy is basically what Twilight wishes it was. The main character is actually strong, even thought she’s in Victorian England. The characters have real personalities, the books have a solid plot, and the main relationship isn’t creepy. It’s also fantasy, and doesn’t skimp out on any romantic scenes.
I wish people loved that series instead of Twilight, because Twilight sucks. I could write a better book.
> What kind of problem do you have?!?! You got your opinion out
> there already and if you don’t like some of the responses to it,
> tough luck. You didn’t need to write a whole different article just to
> prove that your right!!
> And I don’t want any of you b*tches telling me that I’m being
> imature or whatever ’cause you’re not my mom.
http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/duty_calls.png
I love Twilight but this article is simply hilarious. A+
Honestly… I have to give her credit. As pointless as it was, she’s the first mainstream author I’ve ever heard use “scintillating” to refer to light as opposed to intellectualism. (Her shiny, shiny vampyrettes, of course.)
She ripped the heart out of Anne Rice, the soul out of Charlotte Bronte, painted it lilac purple and force-fed the ensuing abomination lollipops until it crapped butterflies. Twilight destroys every accepted convention surrounding vampire literature, and not in the “totally awesome artistic” way.
Indeed. Just because a book series is immensely popular doesn’t mean its good. I happen to be in the minority of the world population, in that I don’t think that the Harry Potter series was written very well. It’s entertaining and many people find it so, therefore encouraging to read. Which, reading in general, whether or not its poorly written, is a good thing
Beautiful. I haven’t read the books, and I’m sure when I do I’ll find them an excellent guilty pleasure read. But I love how you wrote this anyway.
And to everyone who is actually getting upset about this – good on you. After all, I’m sure you’ve never criticized a book that other people loved. Because it’s just mean, right?
Why does everyone keep saying it’s a sci-fi romance? Firefly by Joss Whedon is sci-fi (or, at least, a sci-fi Western with romantic, dramatic, and comedic tendencies). Vampires are fantasy. So, unless Edward is actually a time-travelling, parallel universe hopping, vampire from another dimension, who goes to Forks in order to kidnap a mortal to bring back to the future where everyone is a vampire and they have all either eaten each or are barren and need the fresh ovaries of a 16 year old Earth girl, then it’s sci-fi romance. Twilighters, please, it’s fantasy, both in genre and in your heads.
Kellen you are love.
Just ignore all the stupid fangirls. I think this is absolutely amazing. You are my hero for putting this, and your other articles, together. I will definately try to spread this around to some other people who will appreciate it just as much as I do
.
ORWEL WAS A FUCKING MORON YOU IDIOT. HE DOESnt realize the gneius of STephanie Meyer. YOU ARE A FUCKING MORON AND AN AHTEIST AN GOD IS GOING TTO GIVE YOU AIDS FOR MAKING FUNN OF A MORMON, we’re his chosen people. I suggest you apolagize and convert
Dazzlingly brilliant! Twilight fans insist on motivating people to mock this series in every way possible. As if the books weren’t enough fuel on the fire themselves, these fans just keep dousing the world with lighter fluid.
I thought the first book was mediocre, but after reading this, I realize that I hated it. There were reasons I hadn’t even thought of! Thanks for the added enlightenment.
Wow, Kellen, this is great. I just finished reading New Moon today and was browsing the internet trying to find some reviews of the books/movies. I had heard that Twilight was critcized for portraying unhealthy, abusive relationships and in New Moon in particular I really began to see it. I am an English student but still find that I need guidance when analyzing novels ect. and you brought up interesting points I never would have thought of but that are sound and logical, sorry fans. Claim, warrant, data right? Good job, I think if you ever did decide to write a book, I would read it and most likely gain something from it. Kudos!
FYI no one on either of your articles say : “you dont have an opinion since you dont like the twilight saga.” DER!! everyone knows you have an opinion. Girls like me, ( i am 13), love this book. Ready your spiteful (and, lets face it annoying and obsessed) articles havent changed my opinion. I still like the books. My friends still like the books. Everyone i know still like the books, so face it. This romantic and passionate story teaches girls that if you want love, you have to fight for it. The door for love is always open for those who want it.
This was even better than the first article.
great. i can’t seem to understand how brainwashed teenage girls got with twilight. though i read it and acts as if i like it so i wouldn’t offend my bestfriend. i still feel bad about it.
i like harry potter better than this. hands down. better plot. better characters. better language. better story, better movie..
i think the only thing that harry potter and twilight just got compared is because Rob has been in a Potter movie and now he stars a twilight one. but no big deal.
twilight MIGHT be good.
but harry potter IS better
First, I totally admire ur skills for not falling for the book
I mean I’m personally some what of a twilight fan….
Like I don’t go to the extremes but it’s pretty nice living in the fantasy world of Bella
I know it’s junk and stuff, I think actually all of us know that it’s just some book to interest teenage girls
But I can’t really get over it
So I’ve decided that this is what it really is:
I hate the book ( with all its sucky writing and unrealistic plots)
but i love the idea of the book…just the vampire thing and how stephenie meyer twisted it was very smart
it’s just too bad she couldn’t write better
I personally noticed the repeating words…and was thrilled to find out others have too
I also have found out how Edward doesn’t really have a personality and neither does Bella
Edward’s protective, attractive, selfless when it comes to bella
But that’s it
When you ask about edward, there’s only so few things you can say
And Bella must just be a little TOO fragile? What was she planning to do if edward didn’t come back at the end of “new moon”?
So thxs so much ms.rice
I just think we’re allowed to hate the book because its awful from the writing point of view
But then the idea…i don’t know, i suppose wouldn’t be so bad if someone could manage to change some facts
About a year ago I first saw one of the books of this series at one of my friend’s house.
I saw the cover.
Black, white and red. Maybe I shouldn’t judge…
I turned the book around to read what the back had to say. It listed:
I’m new in town
There’s this vampire who wants to eat me
I love him.
And I was done reading the whole series. My mind is 16 years old and filled with cliches, of course, thanks to TV and stuff. I laugh at cliches.
And I hate this book for being so relevant with all the girls. It has no meaning. Eternal love? That’s not it. Chastity? Not even close.
Bite your pregnant teenage wife to take the baby out? Nice advice.
I read those words on the back and my mind filled all the blanks with other cliches. At first I didn’t dare to add the werewolf, thinking that the author had to have one tiny bit of originiality to exploit.
I was proven wrong.
All I can say in favor of the book is that it brought money to the writer, which is all it was meant to do (please fangirls refrain from telling me LIEK OMG NO SHE LOVES LTRTURE AND HAZ HELP IT!)
It’s a shame she didn’t take some extra time to make a good, deep book (even if she used the cliches, she could’ve given them a twist, but she didn’t). Now a wide range of teenage girls are getting hurt, destroyed and deprived of thought in favor of a fantasy (which is normal, being a teenager in this shitty world and all) but they are not taking reality seriously, and the higher you get with the fantasy, the more the fall will hurt.
AND HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU MAKE VAMPIRES GLITTER!? THEY FUCKING DIE EXPOSED TO SUNLIGHT!
Hm, I have something to say. I noticed that some people just think Twilight is a book for stupid-crazy-obsessed-fangirls-who-have-nothing-better-to-do-with-their-lives. I disagree. Just because you get obsessed over something doesn’t at all mean you’re stupid. People who say so make me mad. I’m definitely not stupid, I’ve read better books, and I agree, the writing is kind of low-standard. Stephenie Meyer might not be the greatest writer ever, but she can tell a story.
A note to you English majors: just because you’re an English major doesn’t mean you have to heavily criticize any book that wasn’t written before the nineteen hundreds. Come on, people! If you don’t like it, go back to reading Austen.
The best character(s) in the entire series are the werewolves. They have emotion, they have humor, and they’re cool. Forget Edward, I’ll take Jacob.
And some closing words:
I am not stupid, so don’t even try to tell me I am. I am not brainwashed, and I am not rabid. I know how to think. Telling people that they are dumb and easily convinced is a very cruel thing to do. If I was able to be easily convinced, I would be stomping on my copy of Twilight after reading this article.
heh, that’s not happening.
I still like the Twilight series, but I knew long before this article that it was because I am a semi-hopeless romantic who has a stronger set of morals. I do think that this article and the previous one were spectacularly written. I congratulate you. Some of the flaws in the writing do tug at my nerves, but I get over it, personally I like practically all pieces of literature, because I see the different perspectives that authors provide and more understand what they’re trying to say than what has been said. I actually only despise two books in the entirety of books I’ve read. Penelope and the Glass Books and the Dream Eaters. I strongly believe in the 1st ammendment, up to a point of course, but this goes no where near crossing it. I enjoyed the critisim. It was a great perspective to read about and I definantly respect your opinion.
Great ‘how to’ guide, and it follows Meyer’s style right to a T. I also really loved your Twilight review.
It also amuses me how many people are so butthurt over it all. Really, you’d think they were insulting their firstborn child with some of the comments posted.
@Claire: So basically, you’re saying… “Bwahaha, your opinion hasn’t changed my opinion and this should be very important to you for some reason.”
Well, if the definition of love has sudden changed into getting into and “fighting for” abusive relationships with obsessive, over-controlling stalkers, I’d be glad to remain single for the rest of my life.
@Lucy: I don’t think you get it. What “us” English majors learn to do is pull apart, dissect, and critique everything written as prose. To think, and use our brains while reading. At least, that’s what I’m learning. Do you feel that Twilight should magically be exempt from that?
And why do you think that anything like this requires “heavy criticism”. It barely takes a twitch of the braincells to realize that their relationship is unhealthy- the first book starts off with him sneaking into her room to watch her sleep at night mere days after they met.
Also, the Claire I was addressing is not the one who posted above me, but quite a few posts up. Just saying.
yes yes yes!!!
i love you miss rice!!!
you are so my hero!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i also loved your previous article..
Twilight sucks haha
keep rocking!!
I enjoyed the article, I’ve not read the books thoroughly partly because I had trouble talking it seriously, as literature or entertainment Meyer failed. BIG TIME.
fangirlies, get a life please, instead of protecting trashy novels, shrug it off and continue reading bullcrap, I don’t give damn either way.
let the flame war continue!
Now your just making fun of S. Meyer’s writing. This is disrespectful. I know it’s your opinion and all. But sometimes you can leave your opinion for yourself.
Tell it like it is! Down with stupid fangirls! Books like these are what make me cring, and I hate the fangirls and I hate the literature.
Stop protecting this trash. If you say Twilight was a good book, YOU HAVE NO TASTE. You are only lying to yourself.
I love the sarcasm. Absolutely brilliant.
And to Ashley: it’s not disrespectful to American intelligence to read these books? They’re RIDICULOUS! I’m embarrassed that our country has sunk this low. Even my twelve year old sister knows better than to cave into the black hole called “Twilight”. If you honestly like this plot-less story, suit yourself. But answer me this: sparkling vampires? Really?
I can honestly say I could have written a far more riveting novel in fourth grade.
This is my second and probably last comment (my follow-up).
I skimmed through some parts of my sister’s New Moon, and I noticed some odd parts.
1. Bella has some very weird ideas about age. She’s terribly upset when she turns 18 because now she’s older than Edward….Edward only looks 17, he’s much older. He’s the creeper in this case. Granted she thinks she might become a hag sometime soon. Jacob, however, is only 16. He’s a minor. Bella’s not, so she’s the creeper, but no worries, because he’s just a werewolf, and she’s meravigliosa (means ‘wonderful’ in Italian). Speaking of Italian,…
2. When Bella lands in Italy, why do the flight attendants only announce the landing in English and French?
3. Bella loves to share her wonder of nature. “Wow, Jacob, that cliff is so high!” Well, yeah, Bella, it’s a cliff, they’re pretty much all like that. Otherwise they’d just basically be boulders in the water. Now go jump off a cliff.
4. Edward is officially a creeper. He’s been to every amazing college, and yet he continues to come back to be the cool kid on campus and date high school chicks.
5. Edward, with all your education, let’s think for a second: Why would Charlie but not Jacob be at Bella’s funeral? Why would Jacob be picking up Charlie’s phone? Don’t you have a telepathic link to Bella? Her thoughts should let you in on the fact that’s she not dead. Maybe she doesn’t have any, I don’t know.
6. Stephenie Meyers clearly hates the planet. Not only does she have vampires and speeding balls flying through the trees, but she has to waste trees by putting one word alone on a page.
Oh, and Savannah, not to rag on you or anything, but a ukulele is a Hawaiian guitar basically, whose name might mean “the gift that came” or something like that. There are some other theories about the origin and meaning of the name. Here’s my question, though: Who names his or her child Renesmee? No one. Stephenie Meyers made it up.
And Marco626, I’m thankful I am not your mother, for surely (if you can bring yourself to enjoy these books) it would have been a rib-breaking, spine-snapping, pelvis-shattering birth, and only vampire teeth would have gotten you out.
And Savannah, your name means: “From the English word for the large grassy plain, ultimately deriving from the Taino (Native American) word zabana. It came into use as a given name in America in the 19th century. It was revived in the 1980s by the movie ‘Savannah Smiles’ (1982).”
So if you were named after a large patch of grass, don’t knock on a person who was obviously welcomed to the world by loving parents.
I very much do enjoy your article, Ms. Rice.
And reading through the die-hard twilight fan’s (sometimes) childish comments.
I don’t have a very positive opinion of the book myself, but I hated Meyer’s writing style from the very start of Twilight to the end.
And I do agree, she did abuse the thesaurus.
]: Sometimes, even I didn’t know what the words meant.
But bravo to you Ms. Rice.
Keep up the good work.
HAHAHA.
I pat you on the back, Kellen.
I’ve read the entire series, and was so disgusted that I immediately opened up a Clive Barker book afterward to get the terrible taste out of my brain.
This is getting bookmarked~ : )
To all the rabid fangirls and fanboys (?) who say “get a life” to the person who wrote this article;
You’re all obviously infatuated with these books. Otherwise you wouldn’t have taken the time to write out an overly emotional retort about how this article didn’t amuse you the least bit. Come on, it was funny. It didn’t make you smile, even just a little?
I’m disappointed at the fact that there are so many books out there that deserve as much, if not more, credit and appraise as the Twilight books do. I bet if Edward wasn’t in the book, hardly ANYBODY would know read it. Oh well. It’ll just be a matter of time before readers lose interest~
so….. i am commited twilight fan, but thought your article was bloody hilarious and raised a few good points… especially in your movie review. very well done….
i feel like a real traitor but anyway.
oh yeah…. jasper is my favriote character and you dissed him…. but what you said WAS SO TRUE!!!
well done again.
Where to start?
I completely enjoyed your article, it was incredibly witty and down-right enjoyable. That being said, i must say that i am a fan of each and every Twilight book. Still, i have a sense of humor. I feel i must agree with you on a few points.
Bella’s character was mediocre at best. Her cutesy clumsiness was a feeble attempt at making her character more appealing to young girls who struggle with severe klutziness, i see that. And i can’t even tell you how much i laughed when you spoke of Edward’s unbelievable sperm that defied the laws of science. That was something that i wondered about as well. Also, do Vampires need to take showers ? (just wondering, it’s been bothering me)…
And my personal favorite is how you spoke of how Stephenie Meyer over-uses words like crazy, she so does. Chagrin for one drove me nutts. And what’s with her use of “holy crow”? Odd.
Although i totally see your point, i do think that disecting the book is a bit silly. I have to admit that i sort of hated the books before i read them. I am never a big fan of what tweens are into, being in my 20’s and all. Yet, when i finally broke down and read Twilight, i couldn’t stop until i finished the entire saga.
Now i may not be a literary godess, but i feel that books are for entertainment value. And Stephenie Meyer is rather humble, and makes no claims to being an amazing author. She does her best, and she is still quite new. I enjoy her style of writing, as do millions of others.
Still, you have a right to your opinion, and it seem that others enjoy your blogs. I must admit that i certainly did.
By the by, i thought it was pretty cool that wikipedia cited you and your Twilight qualms.
GIna:
I was just looking through your comment and i was curious about something you wrote:
“Edward, with all your education, let’s think for a second: Why would Charlie but not Jacob be at Bella’s funeral? Why would Jacob be picking up Charlie’s phone? Don’t you have a telepathic link to Bella? Her thoughts should let you in on the fact that’s she not dead. Maybe she doesn’t have any, I don’t know.”
**First of all, Edward had no idea who answered the phone. For all he knew it could have been someone helping out Charlie since his daughter just passed. Not to mention, Edward does not know that Bella and Jacob are friends now. And no Edward does not have any telepathic connection to Bella. He never was able to hear her thoughts, and even if he could, he would only be able to hear them from within 3 miles give or take. Bella was always a “mental mute” to Edward.**
that was the only reason edward was drawn to bella just because he couldn’t hear her thoughts, and bella, his looks.
i just have to ask, what is it do we know about edward??
he’s hot
he plays the piano
he can read minds
and he’s hot
he wears a lot of browns and pastel colors
he’s a sparkling vampire with the skin of a killer
….is there anything else?? did i miss something?
okay then onward:
though i never found him attractive in the story (necrophilia isn’t my thing) you know, him being ice cold and dead was a problem for me.
and i agree with this article as well kellen =)
i love how i just learned how to make a bestseller
maybe now the twilighters will actually let us have our opinions after we become bestseller’s and author’s of the year, etc. =)
but then again they would find other ways to thwart us in voicing or views.
I love how all the fangirls are writing these humongous replies that make no sense whatsoever and further worsen the stereotype of the Twilight fangirl.
I loved the article, keep it up.
Honestly, you rock. I think you should write a book. I would read it. I don’t even care what it’s about. I love the review by Abby,
“What kind of problem do you have?!?! You got your opinion out there already and if you don’t like some of the responses to it, tough luck. You didn’t need to write a whole different article just to prove that your right!!
And I don’t want any of you b*tches telling me that I’m being imature or whatever ’cause you’re not my mom.”
HAHAHAHAHAHA “You’re not my mom!” Oh my God! Hilarious. What are you twelve. Actually no. I know twelve year old and even though they are annoying and don’t think about anything other than “The Suite Life of Zach and Cody” they have enough sense to hate Twilight. I think that says a l